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Laughter is the best Medicine : JOKES Page 8 of 14
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Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
EUPHORIA TRIP :
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) 'Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.'
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, 'Who was that?'
'Oh' she replies, 'that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you.'
EUPHORIA TRIP :
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) 'Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye.'
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, 'Who was that?'
'Oh' she replies, 'that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you.'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
GENUINE SHOES
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly towards her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'
GENUINE SHOES
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly towards her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, 'Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!'
Nesha-India last decade
Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
♡ girilal last decade
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.
He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, 'How much is the
Barbie on the display window?'
The salesperson answers, ' Which one?? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95
The amazed father asks: 'What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The salesperson annoyingly answers :&n bsp;'Sir..., 'Divorced Barbie
comes with:
Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends.
He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, 'How much is the
Barbie on the display window?'
The salesperson answers, ' Which one?? We have:
Work out Barbie for $19.95
Shopping Barbie for $19.95
Beach Barbie for $19.95
Disco Barbie for $19.95
Divorced Barbie for $265.95
The amazed father asks: 'What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'
The salesperson annoyingly answers :&n bsp;'Sir..., 'Divorced Barbie
comes with:
Ken's Car,
Ken's House,
Ken's Boat,
Ken's Furniture,
Ken's Computer and...
One of Ken's Friends.
Pat2006 last decade
EVER WONDER WHY
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on 'Start'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on 'Start'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Nesha-India last decade
♡ PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Monalisa before and after
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♡ girilal last decade
An african ambassador visited Russia and was entertained by his opposite number, the Russian ambassador. For three days, the African ambassador was wined, dined, and generally treated to the best hospitality that Russia had to offer.
On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, 'As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger.'
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, 'Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette'. He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.
The African ambassador said, 'These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex take your pick'.
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, 'Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?'
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:
'One of them's a cannibal.'
On the last day of his visit, the Russian ambassador said, 'As your stay is coming to an end, it's time for you to play our traditional game, Russian roulette. One of the six chambers of this gun is loaded - you spin the cylinder, point the gun at your head, and pull the trigger.'
This phased the African slightly, but he was a proud man of a warrior people, and to show fear would be unthinkable. Both men took their guns, spun, and pulled the triggers.
Both chambers were empty, and both ambassadors breathed a sigh of relief.
The African ambassador was impressed with the couragous game, and thought hard about the subject before the Russian Ambassador was due to visit his country the next year.
When the visit came, the African ambassador treated the Russian with all hospitality, until the final day of his stay. Leading him to a private room in the palace, the African ambassador spoke, 'Now, time for you to sample our game, African roulette'. He then led the Russian into the room, the only occupants of which were six stunning and naked women.
The African ambassador said, 'These women are the most beautiful members of one of our tribes. Any one of them will give you a oral sex take your pick'.
The Russian was not entirely averse to this idea, but he couldn't see the connection with Russian Roulette. He said, 'Well, ok, great, but where's the roulette part? Where's the danger?'
With a big grin on his face, the African ambassador answered:
'One of them's a cannibal.'
DaVinci last decade
'girilal' :
The before and after photographs, reflects the true short-sighted aggressive American culture, which also typically the young generation of India fall / rush into.
'DaVinci' :
Simply Classic. Just simply classic joke.
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
GULLIBLE BANK
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. 'Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce', the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. 'That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest', the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
'Wait sir', the loan officer said, 'while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?'
The man smiled. 'Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?'
The before and after photographs, reflects the true short-sighted aggressive American culture, which also typically the young generation of India fall / rush into.
'DaVinci' :
Simply Classic. Just simply classic joke.
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
GULLIBLE BANK
Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. 'Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce', the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. 'That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest', the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
'Wait sir', the loan officer said, 'while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?'
The man smiled. 'Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
ONE UP
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare, and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 on one condition.'
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket, and slowly counted out four $5 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said:
'Paint my house.'
ONE UP
A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare, and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 on one condition.'
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket, and slowly counted out four $5 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said:
'Paint my house.'
Nesha-India last decade
Been having a real difficult time understanding the Mona Lisa before and after images until a couple of days ago when I ran into a former classmate whom I had not seen since the late 70s. She now has blond hair. I ran into her sister about 3 years ago and she also had died her hair very blond. They both wear tons of make up to cover up their race which is Aztec from both side of their parents. These family was raised to be EXTRMELY ashamed of their own race.
Pat2006 last decade
Love of labor.
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♡ girilal last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
BARTER
A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks,
'Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?'
'I got it for my wife,' answers Bob.
'Oh!' exclaimed his friend, 'Good trade.'
BARTER
A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks,
'Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?'
'I got it for my wife,' answers Bob.
'Oh!' exclaimed his friend, 'Good trade.'
Nesha-India last decade
Banta Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
'I finished the exam in half an hour'. 'But yaar', he says, 'I am rechecking my answers.'
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperatley throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
'I finished the exam in half an hour'. 'But yaar', he says, 'I am rechecking my answers.'
♡ girilal last decade
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, 'They will in a
minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. !
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she
asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say,! 'There's Jennifer, she' s a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher,
she's dead'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said .
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'
The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied, 'They will in a
minute.'
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five
and six year olds. !
After explaining the commandment to 'honor' thy Father and thy Mother, she
asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers
and sisters?'
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
'Thou shall not kill.'
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at
the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands
of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?'
Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make
me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say,! 'There's Jennifer, she' s a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher,
she's dead'
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'
'Yes,' the class said .
'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position
the blood doesn't run into my feet?'
A little fellow shouted,
'Cause your feet ain't empty.'
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The
nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
DaVinci last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
LOGIC
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children.
The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, 'Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'
LOGIC
A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody of them. The man also wanted custody of his children.
The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, 'Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'
Nesha-India last decade
Who Said That?
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history. 'Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?''
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. 'Patrick Henry, 1775.'
'Very good!' said the teacher. 'Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?''
Again, no response except from Pedro: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863.'
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Mexicans!'
'Who said that?' she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. 'Jim Bowie, 1836.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glared and asked, 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Pedro answered, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, 'If you say anything else, I'll kill you!'
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, 'Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.'
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, 'Oh s.h.i.t, we're in BIG trouble now!'
Pedro whispered, 'Saddam Hussein, 2003.'
Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, 'Duck'!
The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked 'Who said that?
Pedro: 'Dick Cheney 2006!'
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history. 'Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?''
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. 'Patrick Henry, 1775.'
'Very good!' said the teacher. 'Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?''
Again, no response except from Pedro: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863.'
The teacher snapped at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!'
She heard a loud whisper: 'Screw the Mexicans!'
'Who said that?' she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. 'Jim Bowie, 1836.'
At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glared and asked, 'All right! Now, who said that?'
Again, Pedro answered, 'George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'
Now furious, another student yelled, 'Oh yeah? Suck this!'
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, 'If you say anything else, I'll kill you!'
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, 'Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001.'
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, 'Oh s.h.i.t, we're in BIG trouble now!'
Pedro whispered, 'Saddam Hussein, 2003.'
Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, 'Duck'!
The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked 'Who said that?
Pedro: 'Dick Cheney 2006!'
Sunjoy last decade
Priestly confessions
A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Switzerland asked the priest beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer
that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it
through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must
warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go
ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have
anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist,
I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange,
so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous little instrument designed
to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said,
'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
A distinguished young woman on a flight from
Switzerland asked the priest beside her,
'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course. What may I do for you?'
'Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer
that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it
through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must
warn you: I will not lie.'
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go
ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have
anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist,
I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange,
so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
'I have a marvelous little instrument designed
to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said,
'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
DaVinci last decade
STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the
other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : '...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?'
Boyfriend : 'Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday'.
2) Teacher : 'Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?'
Pupil : 'The moon'.
Teacher : 'Why?'
Pupil : 'The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we don't need it'.
3) Teacher : 'What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?'
Pupil : 'A teacher'.
4) Waiter :- Would you like to Have BLACK COFFEE..
COUSTOMER : 'What other colors do you have?'
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher : 'Sam, you talk a lot !'
Sam : 'It's a family tradition'.
Teacher : 'What do you mean?'
Sam : 'Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher'.
Teacher : 'What about your mother?'
Sam : 'She's a woman'.
7) Tom : 'How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?'
David: 'You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance
repeated' .
8) Teacher : 'Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?'
Student : 'Brotherly love'.
9) Teacher : 'Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?'
Sam : 'No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook'.
10) Patient : 'What are the chances of my recovering doctor?'
Doctor : 'One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died'.
11) Teacher : ' Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?'
One Student : 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at
the same time.'
12) Teacher : ' George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?'
One Student: ' Because George still had the axe in is hand.'
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick .
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the
other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of
the mouth.
MARY : John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : '...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?'
Boyfriend : 'Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday'.
2) Teacher : 'Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?'
Pupil : 'The moon'.
Teacher : 'Why?'
Pupil : 'The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives
us light only in the day time when we don't need it'.
3) Teacher : 'What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?'
Pupil : 'A teacher'.
4) Waiter :- Would you like to Have BLACK COFFEE..
COUSTOMER : 'What other colors do you have?'
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called
current affairs.
6) Teacher : 'Sam, you talk a lot !'
Sam : 'It's a family tradition'.
Teacher : 'What do you mean?'
Sam : 'Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher'.
Teacher : 'What about your mother?'
Sam : 'She's a woman'.
7) Tom : 'How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?'
David: 'You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance
repeated' .
8) Teacher : 'Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him, what virtue would I be showing?'
Student : 'Brotherly love'.
9) Teacher : 'Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?'
Sam : 'No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook'.
10) Patient : 'What are the chances of my recovering doctor?'
Doctor : 'One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten
people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated.
The others all died'.
11) Teacher : ' Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?'
One Student : 'Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at
the same time.'
12) Teacher : ' George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?'
One Student: ' Because George still had the axe in is hand.'
DaVinci last decade
The laughing bug mustn't have stung everyone today. Everything so far is too funny. Will be back later to read some more cause my tummy can't take it. LOL
GREAT JOKES EVERYONE!!!!!
GREAT JOKES EVERYONE!!!!!
Pat2006 last decade
THE SHOE
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, 'Honey, have you seen my other shoe?'
One evening after work, a man drove his secretary home after she had a little too much to drink at a party. Although nothing happened, he decided not to mention it to his wife. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a movie when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window.
They arrived at the theater a short time later and were about to get out of the car when his wife asked, 'Honey, have you seen my other shoe?'
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
PRAYER, ALTERNATIVE OF
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, 'Lord grant me one wish'. The sky clouded and a booming voice said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish.' The man said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to.'
The Lord answered, 'Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me'.
The man thought for a long time and finally said, 'Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?'
After a few minutes God said, 'How many lanes do you want on that bridge??'
PRAYER, ALTERNATIVE OF
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, 'Lord grant me one wish'. The sky clouded and a booming voice said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish.' The man said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to.'
The Lord answered, 'Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me'.
The man thought for a long time and finally said, 'Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?'
After a few minutes God said, 'How many lanes do you want on that bridge??'
Nesha-India last decade
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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.