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Laughter is the best Medicine : JOKES Page 13 of 14
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Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
MAGIC MIRROR : re-modeled UGLY, UGLIER, UGLIEST
Three persons who swore on Home-made Homeopathy, entered a room where they saw a magic mirror. If you looked into the mirror and told the truth, you got a wish. If you told a lie, you got sucked into the mirror and throws you back re-incarnated as a PIG.
First the self-glorifyer fumbled up to the mirror and with a waggling tongue said. 'I think I am the most biggest 'INVENTOR' of a universal medicine for ANY & ALL diseases. The mirror sucked up the self-gloriyer, and threw him back, re-incarnated as a dirty black PIG.
Second the indian allopathic pharmicist balded 'scholar' from USA, limped up to the Mirror and said 'I think, the universal medicine defintely works for ANY & ALL diseases. The mirror sucked up the obese pharmicist , and threw him back re-incarnated as a dirty Fat PIG.
The skimpy trembling Patiala guy, petrified by the presence of two pig friends, trotted up to the mirror and could only say ... 'I Think' and the mirror sucked up the patiala guy and threw him back re-incarnated as a eczema ridden skiny PIG.
And aaall the three pigs happily lived together, oink... oinking... oinking till eternity.
CYRUS CHING, SAW these three PIGS and he said ' I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it'. ... Cyrus Ching.
*
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MAGIC MIRROR : re-modeled UGLY, UGLIER, UGLIEST
Three persons who swore on Home-made Homeopathy, entered a room where they saw a magic mirror. If you looked into the mirror and told the truth, you got a wish. If you told a lie, you got sucked into the mirror and throws you back re-incarnated as a PIG.
First the self-glorifyer fumbled up to the mirror and with a waggling tongue said. 'I think I am the most biggest 'INVENTOR' of a universal medicine for ANY & ALL diseases. The mirror sucked up the self-gloriyer, and threw him back, re-incarnated as a dirty black PIG.
Second the indian allopathic pharmicist balded 'scholar' from USA, limped up to the Mirror and said 'I think, the universal medicine defintely works for ANY & ALL diseases. The mirror sucked up the obese pharmicist , and threw him back re-incarnated as a dirty Fat PIG.
The skimpy trembling Patiala guy, petrified by the presence of two pig friends, trotted up to the mirror and could only say ... 'I Think' and the mirror sucked up the patiala guy and threw him back re-incarnated as a eczema ridden skiny PIG.
And aaall the three pigs happily lived together, oink... oinking... oinking till eternity.
CYRUS CHING, SAW these three PIGS and he said ' I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it'. ... Cyrus Ching.
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Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
(sometimes the mind perceives that a well-built body is a healthy-body - may not be the case. Sometimes the mind perceives that Big is Bully and fears it .... for example read this ...)
THE ALIENS :
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.
'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'
The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, 'Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way ! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!'
The other alien shouted to his comrade, 'No, you don't want to make him mad!' But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, 'What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?'
The other alien answered, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him.'
*
*
(sometimes the mind perceives that a well-built body is a healthy-body - may not be the case. Sometimes the mind perceives that Big is Bully and fears it .... for example read this ...)
THE ALIENS :
Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it.
'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.'
The gas pumps of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. Again there was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pumps haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, 'Greetings earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way ! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!'
The other alien shouted to his comrade, 'No, you don't want to make him mad!' But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired.
There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where they landed in a heap rather abruptly. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, 'What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?'
The other alien answered, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy, when a guy has a penis he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, you don't mess with him.'
*
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Nesha-India last decade
♡ gavinimurthy last decade
FILL IN THE BLANK :
Murthy,
Thank you for enjoying the joke. Please oblige me by filling in the blank with a name. Personally, I had thought the brotherly name of 'kuldeep', but since I appreciate your Homeopathic intelligence, I thought I would give you the privilege to do the honours. (no compulsion though).
UNLIKE OTHERS (.... - name - ................) BRAIN's IS A MASTERPIECE,
IN THE LEFT HALF, NOTHING IS RIGHT,
IN THE RIGHT HALF, NOTHING IS LEFT.
(Friends & ......., It is only a joke. Don't get too upset about it and start childish complaining to the moderator)
(by who else, other than ....... Nesha-India)
Murthy,
Thank you for enjoying the joke. Please oblige me by filling in the blank with a name. Personally, I had thought the brotherly name of 'kuldeep', but since I appreciate your Homeopathic intelligence, I thought I would give you the privilege to do the honours. (no compulsion though).
UNLIKE OTHERS (.... - name - ................) BRAIN's IS A MASTERPIECE,
IN THE LEFT HALF, NOTHING IS RIGHT,
IN THE RIGHT HALF, NOTHING IS LEFT.
(Friends & ......., It is only a joke. Don't get too upset about it and start childish complaining to the moderator)
(by who else, other than ....... Nesha-India)
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
POSE ... POSITION ... POSITIONED.
Location : Patiala
These three ladies were waiting to see their gynecologist.
The first lady says 'I'm gonna have a boy because I was on top when we conceived.'
The next lady says 'I'm gonna have a girl because I was on bottom when we conceived.'
They looked over to the third lady (the Patiala guy's wife) and she burst out crying....they asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm gonna have puppies'...
heeee .... heeeee.... ho .. ho ... heeee .... heee .... heee
*
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POSE ... POSITION ... POSITIONED.
Location : Patiala
These three ladies were waiting to see their gynecologist.
The first lady says 'I'm gonna have a boy because I was on top when we conceived.'
The next lady says 'I'm gonna have a girl because I was on bottom when we conceived.'
They looked over to the third lady (the Patiala guy's wife) and she burst out crying....they asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm gonna have puppies'...
heeee .... heeeee.... ho .. ho ... heeee .... heee .... heee
*
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Nesha-India last decade
Here's a Joke for today, for everyone's Health & Happiness :
MISSED FRANK :
Phone rings : Hello?'
'Hi, honey, this is Daddy,' .... ' Is your Mommy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Kulu,'
After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle Kulu, honey!'
'Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!'
'Uh, Okay, then......here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Kulu that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house.'
'Okay, Daddy!'
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.'
'And what happened?' he asks.
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead.'
'Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Kulu?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool..... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too.'
*** long pause ***
Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool???? Is this 9411-2696789 ?'
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MISSED FRANK :
Phone rings : Hello?'
'Hi, honey, this is Daddy,' .... ' Is your Mommy near the phone?'
'No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Kulu,'
After a brief pause, Daddy says, 'But you haven't got an Uncle Kulu, honey!'
'Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy, right now!'
'Uh, Okay, then......here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Kulu that Daddy's car's just pulled up outside the house.'
'Okay, Daddy!'
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. 'Well, I did what you said, Daddy.'
'And what happened?' he asks.
'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead.'
'Oh my God!!!!! And what about your Uncle Kulu?'
'He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool..... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too.'
*** long pause ***
Then Daddy says, 'Swimming pool???? Is this 9411-2696789 ?'
*
*
Nesha-India last decade
♡ moderator last decade
Personal spat between Pankaj and Murthy removed from forum.
I can not make you two agree, and I can't make you agree to disagree.
What I can do though is request that you both have the dignity to have your little arguments in private. Why must you drag in me, and all the other visitors into it? What business is it of anyone but you two if you don't like each other. Kindly leave the forum out of it. This is not what the forum is for. Email each other.
Simon
I can not make you two agree, and I can't make you agree to disagree.
What I can do though is request that you both have the dignity to have your little arguments in private. Why must you drag in me, and all the other visitors into it? What business is it of anyone but you two if you don't like each other. Kindly leave the forum out of it. This is not what the forum is for. Email each other.
Simon
♡ moderator last decade
Dear Simon
What you did today,please continue to do in future also.
Then there is no need to ban any body, and the forum will have the opportunity of the wisdom of everyone.
Murthy
What you did today,please continue to do in future also.
Then there is no need to ban any body, and the forum will have the opportunity of the wisdom of everyone.
Murthy
♡ gavinimurthy last decade
Dear Simon,
I am translating Pankaj's remarks which were made in Hindi.
Nesha, your donkey is very sexy.From where have you brought it?
Has a neighbour gifted it to you?
Rajiv
I am translating Pankaj's remarks which were made in Hindi.
Nesha, your donkey is very sexy.From where have you brought it?
Has a neighbour gifted it to you?
Rajiv
♡ rajivprasad last decade
Dear Rajiv
Seems like you must learn Hindi, but probably you are intently mis-translating it.
Here is the exact translation:
Nesha ....
teera donkey -- Your donkey
bahut mast hai (is vary funny)
...kahan se lay kay aye ?? (where did you fetch it??)
Seems like you must learn Hindi, but probably you are intently mis-translating it.
Here is the exact translation:
Nesha ....
teera donkey -- Your donkey
bahut mast hai (is vary funny)
...kahan se lay kay aye ?? (where did you fetch it??)
kuldeep last decade
There is a famous hindi song.
'too chease badi hai mast mast'
and they show a sexy lady there, not a funny lady.
'Kahan se' means 'from where'. Even a third class south indian student of Hindi can tell this.
fetch or bring mean the same,in this context.
Murthy
'too chease badi hai mast mast'
and they show a sexy lady there, not a funny lady.
'Kahan se' means 'from where'. Even a third class south indian student of Hindi can tell this.
fetch or bring mean the same,in this context.
Murthy
♡ gavinimurthy last decade
My dear Kuldeep,
I was a state topper in Hindi in my std. Xth exam.Scored 92 out of 100.I write poems in Hindi as a hobby.So, no problem there.
There was no mis-intention.You are misinterpreting because of wrong images that the word 'sexy' has evoked in your mind.I have rendered a very accurate translation.
Only point of difference could be whether 'mast' should translate as 'funny', 'nice' or 'sexy'. Now the word 'mast' as it is used in India, borrowed from the tapori lingo of Mumbai, has a lot of 'punch' in it and generally taken to mean 'sexy'.'Nice' or 'funny' do not have the kind of punch which the word 'mast' packs. The word 'sexy' has that punch and is used with similar connotations and hence a very accurate translation of the word 'mast'.
But it is common nowadays to refer to a hotel as 'mast' or food as 'mast' and even parents as 'mast' or 'sexy'. The word 'mast' or 'sexy' though originally refers to 'sexually hot' but with more and more common usage, has been 'desexified'.
Sorry for this long discourse on language.But i had to do it as you accused me of 'misintention'. I had no such 'misintention' and was only translating it for Simon as no one else did it.I am sure Pankaj was only saying it in a lighter vein on this jokes thread.
Also, be assured, i have no 'misintentions' in life or here at the forum.I am a very straight forward man with clean intentions.There is nothing wrong with the word 'sexy'.For example, i find this thread very 'sexy' with a lot of 'sexy' jokes which really make me roll with laughter.I have had a 'sexy' life till now by God's grace who again i think is very 'sexy'.Have a 'sexy' stay in India.
Rajiv
I was a state topper in Hindi in my std. Xth exam.Scored 92 out of 100.I write poems in Hindi as a hobby.So, no problem there.
There was no mis-intention.You are misinterpreting because of wrong images that the word 'sexy' has evoked in your mind.I have rendered a very accurate translation.
Only point of difference could be whether 'mast' should translate as 'funny', 'nice' or 'sexy'. Now the word 'mast' as it is used in India, borrowed from the tapori lingo of Mumbai, has a lot of 'punch' in it and generally taken to mean 'sexy'.'Nice' or 'funny' do not have the kind of punch which the word 'mast' packs. The word 'sexy' has that punch and is used with similar connotations and hence a very accurate translation of the word 'mast'.
But it is common nowadays to refer to a hotel as 'mast' or food as 'mast' and even parents as 'mast' or 'sexy'. The word 'mast' or 'sexy' though originally refers to 'sexually hot' but with more and more common usage, has been 'desexified'.
Sorry for this long discourse on language.But i had to do it as you accused me of 'misintention'. I had no such 'misintention' and was only translating it for Simon as no one else did it.I am sure Pankaj was only saying it in a lighter vein on this jokes thread.
Also, be assured, i have no 'misintentions' in life or here at the forum.I am a very straight forward man with clean intentions.There is nothing wrong with the word 'sexy'.For example, i find this thread very 'sexy' with a lot of 'sexy' jokes which really make me roll with laughter.I have had a 'sexy' life till now by God's grace who again i think is very 'sexy'.Have a 'sexy' stay in India.
Rajiv
♡ rajivprasad last decade
'Bahut mast hai'....means 'it is an attractive donkey'...
I have not used any offensive words in that. Also ...it was posted on laughter thread.
So why did Murthy have to react in the most filthy way ???????? His mind is full of filth. And all this re-appearance after successive bans is making him feel more and more encouraged to write filthy things.
Pankaj Varma
I have not used any offensive words in that. Also ...it was posted on laughter thread.
So why did Murthy have to react in the most filthy way ???????? His mind is full of filth. And all this re-appearance after successive bans is making him feel more and more encouraged to write filthy things.
Pankaj Varma
♡ PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Translation:
Nesha ....teera donkey bahut mast hai ...kahan se lay kay aye ??
Nesha.....your donkey is very attractive.....where did you get it from ??
....Baju wale nay gift kiya ??
.....did your neighbourhood friend gift it to you ??
Pankaj Varma
Nesha ....teera donkey bahut mast hai ...kahan se lay kay aye ??
Nesha.....your donkey is very attractive.....where did you get it from ??
....Baju wale nay gift kiya ??
.....did your neighbourhood friend gift it to you ??
Pankaj Varma
♡ PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Dear friends,
Lets stop it here before it becomes ugly again.I had no misintentions as i clarified and don't think that Pankaj had any misintentions in using the word 'mast'.Now a days, in North India this word is generally used to qualify something attractive, excellent, and out of the ordinary.There is nothing objectionable in this.
I translated it only because no one else did and Simon had requested for a translation.If my translation has offended anyone among you, let me apologise if it helps in any way.
Please stop fighting.
Rajiv
Lets stop it here before it becomes ugly again.I had no misintentions as i clarified and don't think that Pankaj had any misintentions in using the word 'mast'.Now a days, in North India this word is generally used to qualify something attractive, excellent, and out of the ordinary.There is nothing objectionable in this.
I translated it only because no one else did and Simon had requested for a translation.If my translation has offended anyone among you, let me apologise if it helps in any way.
Please stop fighting.
Rajiv
♡ rajivprasad last decade
On the first day, God created the dog and said: 'Sit all day by the
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this,
I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain
people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into
the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a
life span of sixty years.'
he cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and
enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the orty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why the first twenty years we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And or the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at
everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this,
I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said: 'Entertain
people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year
life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said: 'You must go into
the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves
and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a
life span of sixty years.'
he cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said: 'Eat, sleep, play, marry and
enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty, the orty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.' So that is why the first twenty years we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And or the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at
everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
DaVinci last decade
Wow, there's debate even about the translation. Can't you guys agree on anything? Thanks all - I get a vague idea of what went on before.
Important thing is we have a semblance of peace - let's keep it.
Important thing is we have a semblance of peace - let's keep it.
♡ moderator last decade
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