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Laughter is the best Medicine : JOKES

" LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE "

Based on the above maxim (or quote), following jokes are the best medicines for ALL DISEASES, bought to you by none other then "NESHA-INDIA". All contributions (whether biased or unbiased) is invited / requested from all forum members.

Almost, all patients (whether acute or chronic sufferers) will sensitise themself of their diseases and further complicate their own cases. HOWEVER, True to the Fact, that if you are happy in your mind, the physical body responds more appropriately and optimum'ly for healing the pathological brain and body, by releasing different related hormones.

Take everything lightly and LAUGH AWAY YOUR SICKNESS.
Call it LAUGHTER THERAPY.

Certain visual movies like "Laurel & Hardy", "Charlie Chaplian", "Here's Lucy", Sitcoms, Opera's, Humourous theatre plays, Instrumental Music, Tom & Jerry type cartoon movies ..... should be watched atleast every alternate days, to eradicate tendency of diseases and reduce existing diseases.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


A Loser applied to a Medical School
- needless to say he never made it -
Because these are the answers he gave for medical terms :

Antibody - against everyone
Artery - the study of fine paintings
Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria
Benign - what you be after you be eight
Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u
Caesarian Section - a district in Rome
Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing
Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty
Chronic - neck of a crow
Coma - punctuation mark
Cortisone - area around local court
Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose
Dilate - the late British Princess Diana
Dislocation - in this place
Duodenum - couple in blue jeans
Enema - not a friend
False Labor - pretending to work
Genes - blue denim
Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile
Hernia - she is close by
Hymen - greeting to several males
Impotent - distinguished / well-known

Labor Pain - hurt at work
Lactose - people without feet
Lymph - walk unsteadily
Menopause - I no wait
Microbes - small dressing gowns
Obesity - City of Obe
Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize
Protein - in favor of teens
Pulse - grain
Pus - small cat
Red Blood Count - Dracula
Rupture - Ecstasy

Secretion - hiding anything
Subcutaneous - not cute enough
Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"
Tablet - small table
Tumor - extra pair
Ultrasound - radical noise
Urine - opposite of you're out
Varicose - very close
Vas Deferens - extremely different
Vein - at what time?
Vitreous Humor - both witty & funny


Quote for today : "A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks"

Remain Healthy & Happy ....... Nesha-India


Also read other Topic's by "Nesha-India"
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/35254/
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/40731/
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/50156
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/51562/
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/52848/
 
  Nesha-India on 2006-03-20
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Dr. Nesha JI please post your views about
http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/55225/

One chronic case
2. Age :35
3. Sex :Male
4. Married
5. weight 69 KG
6. Height ….5.5”
7. country India
8. climate
9. List of your complain first 1. 2.. 3 ……
10. Diabetic or non Diabetic :non Diabetic
11. Desire sweets/sour/salt :Sweets
12. Thirst : drink water after every 1& ½
13. Tongue : white mapped
14. Current BP (without medicine and with medicine) 82/ 125
15. What exactly is happening ?

First it starts from head a small eruption, scratched and watery discharge starts and forming crystals on hair end. He got medicine and some doctor give him steroids and after that the position worsen.

From two years he is on homoeopathic treatment
He is taking phytolacca 30c bd
Now from February 3 2006 first swelling on face and after some days scaling on face, slowly comes down to neck, now on neck cuts with bloody discharge and it is very difficult to move neck. White scales on lower body parts, cuts and watery/bloody discharge from cuts, also from ears, cuts in fingers in-between.

Any suggestion from masters ??
 
yogita2003 last decade
"yogita2003" :
Nesha-India, has replied on the above link. Please check.
 
Nesha-India last decade
This laughter material (joke) is on "How PREJUDICED Thinking Pattern works"
(in homeopathy, repertorisation of the thought pattern, is of paramount importance)


A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Johnny. He replies, 'None, they all fly away with the first gun shot'

The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'

Then, Little Johnny says 'I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.

Which one is married?'

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied 'Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone' To which Little Johnny replied,

'The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking'.
 
Nesha-India last decade
Here's a joke about homeopathy, which I love.

A politician is waiting anxiously for election results. He finally hears he's lost and collalpses. his acolytes rush to summon his homeopath, who enters with his materia medica and starts questioning them about the modalities of the illness.
"He lost the election," they say, "and just collapsed.
"Lost by what margin", asks the homeopath.
"Oh, some 4000-500o votes", they reply.
"FOUR thousand or FIVE thousand? How can I prescribe unless you tell me THAT?"
 
homlee last decade
"homlee"
thanks for the joke. it is an interesting homeo joke, bi-fitting biased-prescribing techniques.
please continue with another joke. it seems hardly anybody else has a sense of humour.

anyway, here another one from nesha-india.

- funny how some things are worded -

spotted in a toilet of a london office:
toilet out of order. please use floor below

in a laundromat:
automatic washing machines: please remove all your clothes when the light goes out

in a london department store:
bargain basement upstairs

in an office:
would the person who took the step ladder yesterday please bring it back or further steps will be taken

in an office:
after tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board

outside a second-hand shop:
we exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

notice in health food shop window:
closed due to illness

spotted in a safari park:
elephants please stay in your car

seen during a conference:
for anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care on the 1st floor

notice in a farmer's field:
the farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

message on a leaflet:
if you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

on a repair shop door:
we can repair anything. (please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work)
 
Nesha-India last decade
This made me feel better,as I haven't been too well this week. My son and I had a real good laugh.It's nice to see a bit of humour on this site.
 
Livvy last decade
Two ladies patients walked in homeo Drs sergery saying we got same problums our husbands are loosing memory.can u help Dr.yes Dr said thats why i m here.
Lady A:every day some body is nocking my door,my husband borrows any thing from any body he allways forget to give back.He is forgeting to pay me on first of every month,pls help.
Lady b: yesterday i gave my husband brake fast and he left for his office.i and my friend decided to go near by town 4 shoping.i was shocked when i noticed my husband was folloing ladies then coming back on same spot then he start following next one, after an hour we aproached him,soon he saw me he said hello sister i have seen u some where ,i last my memory can u help where i seen u.(bhan jee towanu pelay bhee kaheen daikha heh)
 
princeofnoland last decade
"princeofnoland" :
Thanks for the good joke.
Though I really laughed at this word "brake fast". Keep it up and help others in laughing.

Anyway, here's another Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness, from Nesha-India.

Joke creaters used a lot of "blonde" in their jokes, and likewise joke creaters in India used a lot of "sardar'ji" in their jokes. AND nobody ever meant any bias / harm to anybody.


A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 am." Signed, "The Blonde".

She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a Green bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag there was a note. "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another. P.S. I could not find a Brown bag, so I am leaving a Green Bag. Hope you don't mind".
 
Nesha-India last decade
another Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness, from Nesha-India.


Another Blonde joke :
One day, while Sue, the blonde, was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said, "Every time I cheated on you, I put a egg in this box."
Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 affairs over twenty years wasn't so bad. Contended she went to sleep. Next morning, Sue remembered the 10,000 dollars. Sue asked her husband Frank, "But what about those 10,000 dollars kept with the eggs ?".
Frank says " OHhh, That, Every time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them ".
 
Nesha-India last decade
another Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness, from Nesha-India.
----------------------

A duck walks into a bar, sits down at the barstool, and waits for the bartender.

The bartender walks up, hands the duck a menu, waits a while, and comes back to take his order. "What'll it be?" the bartender says.

The duck says, "I think I'll have the grapes." "Well, I'm sorry sir, but this is a bar, we don't serve grapes here. Now, I'll let you look a bit longer and wave when you know what you want."

The duck looks at the menu, then waves the bartender down. "Ok, you got your order?" The duck nods, saying, "I'll think I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, kind of peeved from the duck, says, "Look Mac, we don't have any grapes here. This is a bar. We don't serve grapes, so what will you have?!"

The duck looks at him in the eyes and says, "I'll have the grapes."

The bartender, enraged, shouts, "If you ask for the grapes one more time I'm going to nail your feathered a** to the barstool!!"

The bartender cools off a bit. "Now what will you get?!"
Duck asks "Got any nails?"
"OF COURSE WE DON'T HAVE ANY NAILS! WHAT DO YOU THINK THIS IS? AN APPLIANCE STORE?"

"Good, got any grapes?"
 
Nesha-India last decade
Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness.


Q - A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question ?
A : So, Which Platform are you Working on ....
 
Nesha-India last decade
Evolution of medicine:

I have a headache ...

2000 BC - Eat this root

1000 AD - That root is infected. Say this prayer.

1850 AD - That prayer is superstition. Drink this potion.

1940 AD - That potion is snake oil. Swallow this pill.

1985 AD - That pill is ineffective. Take this antibiotic.

2000 AD - That antibiotic is artificial. Eat this root.
 
WNCGirl last decade
No offence intended.....

Chinese walks into a sports club in America one evening and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here."The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your
Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship ,
not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg,Carlsberg, you're all the same."


This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain.
 
DaVinci last decade
BUSH and the Bird-flu
Rove: I am really worried.
Bush: What about?
Rove: The bird flu.
Bush: The bird flew? Where?
Rove: Everywhere.
Bush: The bird flew everywhere?
Rove: According to WHO.
Bush: I don't know.
Rove: You don't know what?
Bush: Who said where.
Rove: That's right. WHO has a list.
Bush: How would I know?
Rove: Because I just told you. The latest word is Turkey.
Bush: A Turkey flew?
Rove: If you want to call it that.
Bush: How is it possible, a Turkey flew everywhere?
Rove: That would be complicated.
Bush: Then why did you tell me that?
Rove: WHO just reported it. I was filling you in.
Bush: Then I'm asking you. Who reported it?
Rove: That's right.
Bush: Let's start from the beginning.
Rove: Vietnam
Bush: What about Vietnam?
Rove: The beginning. The bird flu.
Bush: The bird flew all the way from Vietnam?
Rove: Yes. According to WHO.
Rove: That's what I want to find out.....
 
homlee last decade
Thanks all for contributing. Please continue to do so.


Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness :

A woman brings her poodle to the veterinarian. “Doctor,” she says, “I think Fido died in her sleep last night.”

“Let’s check it out,” says the vet and he carries out a Siamese CAT followed by a LABrador retriever; both sniff at the inert form of Fido and wander away. The doctor turns to the woman and sadly explains that she was right, offers his sympathy and presents a bill for payment.

“Twelve hundred and twenty five dollars, that can’t be right, I thought your office visit was only twenty-five dollars,” exclaims the shocked woman.

“It still is but this includes a thousand for the CAT scan and two hundred for the LAB work.”
 
Nesha-India last decade
Three TV channels got mixed up. Outcome was:

'Benazir Bhutto nai..6 number ki silaion se...chakka mara !'

Channel one was Political News, two was Sas-Bahu Program and three was India-Pakistan cricket match.

Bye,
Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
'PANKAJ VARMA' : Thanks for contributing. Kindly continue to do so.


Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness


REPLY to a typical Indian matrimonial ad :
madam:

I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in Bangaloru. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a soiled son from inside Karnataka. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.

Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.

I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.

If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours
Kuldeep
-----
 
Nesha-India last decade
A guy had a severe case of Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
He stumbled upon ABC Homeopathy and read a lot about the Universal panecea called 'Arnica".
He tried it for some time ...almost for a month ...but result was negative. Some other homeopaths also tried to help him...but still no success.

He discussed his problem with a friend....who told him ..'homeopathy is bunkum !!'. 'go to an Allopath'.

The guy was desperate ....so he went to the office of the first Allopathic Doctor he could find.

He landed up in a Surgeons clinic.

As soon as he entered...the Placard on the wall read:

'The Doctor here is a specialist in removing non-functional organs. Operations are undertaken on a First Come First Served basis.'

If you missed the laughter, send me an e-mail.
Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
PANKAJ VARMA' : Thanks for contributing again. It was good & enjoyable. Kindly continue to do so.


Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness :


Honeymooning couple
Newlyweds Santa Singh and Jaspinder were on their honeymoon trip and were driving down in their car to Chandigarh from their little town in Punjab.

They were nearing Chandigarh when Santa Singh put his hand on Jaspinder's knee. Giggling, Jaspinder said shyly, 'Oye Santaji, you can go farther than that if you want to...'

So Santa Singh drove to Shimla.
 
Nesha-India last decade
Signboard outside a prostitute's house:

Married MEN not allowed. We Serve the needy, not the greedy...

* Yesterday's news: An aunty was raped while jogging.

Today's news: More aunties found jogging.




* How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?

By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE




* Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:

SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they Appear from outside.




* Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khul dekh Ladkiyan zor se hasnelagi.

Masterji bole: Zyada hehe ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.



*Man quits smoking because of will power.

He quits drinking because of will power.

But he quits womanizing because he has the will but no power.
 
DaVinci last decade
Hello Nesha - India !

How about today's laughter 'Nasha' ??

You got me addicted to it now!!

Best wishes,
Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Anyways,

A teacher was teaching the homeopathic students class.

He had a habbit of carrying a pointer stick.

He sat down on his chair and pointed the stick towards a student who wasn't on the 'same page' with the rest of the class and roared....'at the end of my stick..there is a dumb guy sitting !'

A student from the back bench got up and asked 'Sir, which end of the stick ?'

Bye now.
Pankaj Varma
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
'DaVinci' : Thanks and please continue contributing for the benefit of all.

Pankaj'bhai, (Hope you won't mind the 'bhai'), You are one of the few fortunate humans who has a capacity to understand and enjoy humour and Nesha-India assures you that you will always be happy and healthy. Kindly do contribute regularly for the benefit of all.


Here's a Joke for today, for your Health & Happiness :

What's sex?
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, 'Mom, what's sex?'

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, 'Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?'
 
Nesha-India last decade
Nisha !
Yeh Da Vinci ko samjaha de...Simon Broadlay ko samajh aa gaya to voh kata laga de ga !!

George Bush to Hindi seekhne chala...Simon Broadlay ko bhi seekhne pare ge ....lagta hai!!
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade
Aur John to Indian beauty queens par research kar raha hai aaj....homeopathy mein usko kai interest nahien raha !!
 
PANKAJ VARMA last decade

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Important
Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.