abc - laughter. _{Page 3 of 4}

LOVE STORY - A BEAUTIFUL ONE!!
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........

She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!

Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........

Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?

She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........

Her Boyfriend goes away saying....

GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!
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A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer. As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voise saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'. The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.
The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'
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Nikkie :-)

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

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Doctor to his lady patient: 'You look terribly weak and exhausted! Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?'
Lady replied: 'Doctor, I thought you said three males a day.'

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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When i get to heaven I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him?'
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Nikkie :-) :-)

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had
saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a
bathtub, the director reviewed the rescuer’s file and called him
into his office.

“Mr. James, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that
you’re ready to go home. I’m only sorry that the man you saved
later killed himself with a rope around the neck.”

“Oh, he didn’t kill himself,” Mr. James replied. “I hung him up
to dry.”
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Nikkie:-)

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not.

Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.

Calling out to the patient, the man says, 'Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?'

The patient calls back, 'One moment!' and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does.

He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.

With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.

Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, 'It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is.'

The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.

Before he leaves, he says to the patient, 'That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?'

The patient holds up his wrist and says, 'I suppose I'd just look at my watch.'

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Nikkie :-)

The head doctors in a lunatic asylum have a meeting and decide that one of their patients is potentially well. So they decide to test him and take him to the movies.

When they get to the movie theater, there are 'wet paint' signs pointing to the benches. The doctors just sit down but the patient puts a newspaper down first and then sits down.

The doctors get all excited because they think he may be in touch with reality now. So they ask him: 'Why did you put the newspaper down first?'

He answers: 'So I'd be higher and have a better view.'

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A mental hospital was critically overcrowded. The doctor decides to get all the patients seated in one large room to conduct a test to see how many they discharge that day.
At the front of the room the Doctors took some chalk and drew a full size door on a Blackboard and offered an ice cream to any patient who could open the door. There was a mad rush for the door with the patients scratching and clawing at the door and the handle.
The doctors were disappointed, until they noticed a single patient who remained in his chair and was quietly chuckling to himself as he watched his fellow patients.
Encouraged that at least one patient could be discharged today, the doctors asked him why he wasn't trying to open the door.
The patient, who could no longer contain his laughter, shouted, 'I've got the key!'
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Daughter : I am in love with the neighbor, so I am running away with him.

Dad: Thanks , you have saved my money & time.

Daughter: Dad, I am reading the letter left by Mom.
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Nikkie :-)

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets.

The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, 'Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job.'

'Incredible!' exclaimed the man. 'I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!'

'No, no,' pleaded the dog. 'Please don't tell him! If that man finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone as well!'

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An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden,but it was very hard work.His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:
Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting them. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over.I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

For Heaven's sake, Dad,don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!

At 4a.m the next morning, a dozen police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused,the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: 'Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It's the best I could do for you from here.'

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Nikkie :-)

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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Nikkie :-)

Two mental patients were hanging from an apple tree when one suddenly fell to the ground. The other yelled down, 'What's the matter? Are you tired?' From below came back, 'No, ripe!'
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A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, 'Is my time up?' God said, 'No, you have another 43 years, two months and eight days to live.' Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well look even nicer. After her last operation she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 40 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?' God replied, 'Girl, I didn't even recognize you.'
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Nikkie :-)

A lady noticed an old happy man sitting on his porch. “Excuse me” she said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy you look. Tell me, what is the secret to your long happy life.”
“Well, the man responded, “I eat fatty foods, never exercise. I also smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, and drink about a case of whiskey a week”
“Wow” the women said “and how old are you?”
Twenty eight, he said!
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A doctor walks into a bank and instead of pulling out a pen to endorse a check with, he accidentally pulls out a rectal thermometer. Embarrassed and realizing the mistake he says to the clerk 'Well, that's just great. Some asshole has my pen!'.
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys could get your act together.

Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!'
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Nikkie :-)

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, 'Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?' 'None,' replied Johnny, 'cause the rest would fly away.' 'Well, the answer is four,' said the teacher, 'but I like the way you're thinking.'

Little Johnny says, 'I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?'

'Well,' said the teacher nervously, 'I guess the one sucking the cone.'

'No,' said Little Johnny, 'the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking.'

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Nikkie :-)

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, 'Why is your stomach so big?'
She replied, 'I'm having a baby.'
With big eyes, he asked, 'Is the baby in your stomach?'
She said, 'He sure is.'
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, 'Is it a good baby?'
She said, 'Oh, yes. It's a real good baby.'
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
'Then why did you eat him?'

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Nikkie :-)

A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his inmates to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well.

As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, “Up nuts!”

And the inmates complied by standing up. After the anthem he yelled, “Down nuts!” And they all sat.

After a home run he yelled, “Cheer nuts!” And they all broke into applause and cheers.

Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.

When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, he asked what happened.

The assistant replied, “Well… everything was fine until some guy walked by and yelled, ‘PEANUTS!’”

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Nikkie ::-))

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.

'What for?' he snapped at the judge.

His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, 'Twenty dollars contempt of court. That's why!'

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. 'That's all right. You don't have to pay now.'

The man replied, 'I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words.'
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A worker who was being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck. 'This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on,' he said.

'I know,' the employer said. 'But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained.'

'Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake,' the worker answered, 'but when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention.'
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The boss came early in the morning one day and found an employee kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, 'Is this what I pay you for?'
The employee replied: 'No, sir, this I do free of charge.'
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Nikkie :-)

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, 'How high do you think they'll go?'
The kangaroo said, 'About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!'
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An unemployed guy got a new job at the zoo. They offered him to dress up in a gorilla's skin and pretend to be a gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo.
On his first day on the job, the guy puts on the skin and goes into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring.

During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, 'Help, Help!'

The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, 'Shut up or we'll both lose our jobs!'

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Nikkie :-) :-) :-)

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, 'How was I born?'
'Well honey...' said the slightly prudish mother, 'the stork brought you to us.'
'Oh,' said the boy, 'and how did you and daddy get born?'
'Oh, the stork brought us too.'
'Well how were grandpa and grandma born?' the boy persisted.
'Well darling, the stork brought them too!' said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: 'This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations.'
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A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and said, 'And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.'
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Nikkie :-)

A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
'I will grant you three wishes,' announced the genie. 'But since Satan still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as well -- only double.'
The salesman thought about this for a while. 'For my first wish, I would like ten million dollars,' he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. 'But your rival has just received $20,000,000,' the genie said.


'I've always wanted a Ferrari,' the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. 'But your rival has just received two Ferraris,' the genie said. 'And what is your last wish?'

'Well,' said the salesman, 'I've always wanted to donate a kidney for transplant.'
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Nikkie ))
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A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shiiit up to their necks. The guy says 'no, let me see the next room.' In the second room, people are standing with shiiit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing with shiiit up to their knees, drinking coffee and eating danish pastries. The guy says, 'I pick this room.' Satan says okay and starts to leave, and the guy wades in and starts pouring some coffee. On the way out Satan yells, 'O.K., coffee break's over. Everyone back on your heads!'
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An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.

A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, 'Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!'

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, 'Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!'

Three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women, bends over and farts, then bellows, 'Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!'
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Nikkie ))):

A man was riding in the back of his car when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
'Why are you eating grass?' he asked the man.
'I don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied.
'Oh, please come to my house!'
'But sir, I have a wife and four children...'
'Bring them along!' the rich man said.
They all climbed into the car. Once underway, the poor fellow said,
'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.'
The rich man replied, 'No, you don't understand. The grass at my house
is over three feet tall!'
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Nikkie ))

Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. 'Holy cow, Mister,' one of them said after catching his breath, 'You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?'

'Those fools!' the old man grumbled. 'They misspelled my name!'
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Nikkie ))

This humorous get well poem will surely draw a smile from the patient:).

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