abc - laughter. _{Page 2 of 4}

A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
'Where are you hurting?' asked the doctor.
'You have to help me, I hurt all over', said the woman.
'What do you mean, all over?' asked the doctor, 'be a little more specific.'

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, 'Ow, that hurts.' Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, 'Ouch! That hurts, too.' Then she touched her right earlobe, 'Ow, even THAT hurts', she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, 'You have a broken finger.'

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Nikkie.

Teacher: Why does sea water tastes like salt?
Student: Maybe a ship of salt sinked a long time ago.
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Teacher: Tom! I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to write down this sentence 10 times. Why did you write only 4 times?

Tom: Sir, I am bad at math too.
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Teacher is explaining to the student,
'if you see someone sinking in the water, you should pull his hair to save him from the water. It will be easy for you.'

Student: but sir, if it happens to you, we shouldn’t help you.

Teacher: why?

Student: because you don’t have any hair.
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Regards,
Nikkie.

Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose?

Student: Money.

Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money?

Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why

:-) :-)
Nikkie.

Jon and Ron are brothers. Their teacher told them to write an essay about Dog. After checking the essays the teacher said,

'Why both the essays are the same?'

Ron: Sir, our pet dog is same.

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Be Happy,
Nikkie.

Teacher asked, If I saw a man beating a dog and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing?
The student replied: BROTHERLY LOVE
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Teacher: Suppose, you have 4 coins in your pocket and there is a hole in the pocket. All the four coins fall down from that hole. What will you have in your pocket?

Student: A hole.

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Nikkie.

A woman visited a Doctor.
Woman: Doctor, I have a problem. I am...

Doctor: I know your problem. You always dream that you have become a horse, right?

Woman: How do you know?!

Doctor: Your pony tail hair style.
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Two friends run to a doctor, one of them said,
'Doctor, I accidentally swallowed a marble. Please get it out from my stomach.'

Doctor: Yes sure, but why your friend is here?

Boy: Because it’s his marble.
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Regards,
Nikkie.

A signboard outside a restaurant said:

'Eat as much as you can and let your grandchildren pay the bill'.

A man entered the restaurant, ate as much as he can and when the waiter gave the bill he pointed to the signboard, 'Don't you see, only my grandchild needs to pay for this bill'.

The waiter said, 'Sir, this is not your bill. This is your grandfather's bill'.
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:-) :-)
Nikkie.

Two students are talking:
Student 1: I have good news. The teacher said the exams will go on even if it rains or shines.
Student 2: what is so great about it?
Student 1: It’s snowing.
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A phone call came to a school.
Caller: My daughter can’t come to school today.
School Secretary: Alright, but what’s the relation between you and the student?
Caller: This is my mother speaking
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Nikkie.

Beggar: Actually I am an author. I wrote '100 ways to become rich'

Mr. Roger: Then why are you begging?

Beggar: This is one of the ways to become rich.

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:-) :-)
Nikkie.

A father was speaking to his lazy son and says 'I'm ashamed of your laziness. Do you know that Barak Omaba walked 5 miles each day to go to school when he was about your age?'. The son replied 'Yes and he was President of the U.S.A. when he was around yours.
=====================

Nikkie

Two people in a helicopter were 4,000 feet in the air when the pilot suddenly
broke into hysterical laughter. 'What is so funny'? asked the passenger.
The pilot replied ' I was just thinking what the governor of the asylum will say when he notices that I've escaped'.
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Regards,
Nikkie

Man1: When ever I feel stressed or tensed in office, I just look at my wife's photo and all problems disappear.
Man2: Wow!
Man1: The thing is, I look at her photo and think
'No other problem can be greater than this'.

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An elderly couple in a hotel reception desk: 'Can you please give us a single bed room?'
Receptionist: 'Sorry sir, we have only a double bed room free'
Wife: 'Well then, please place the beds together.'
Everyone smiled at their affection.
The Wife continued: 'So that I can punch him if he starts snoring'.
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:-)
Nikkie

A mother mouse is walking along the road with her baby when suddenly a cat jumps out and attacks them. Instantly, the mother mouse shouts loudly 'BARK' at which point the cat ran off. 'There, you see' said the mother mouse to her baby 'that is why learning a foreign language is so important'.
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Little Johnny was filling a hole in the garden when his neighbour looked over the fence and asked 'What are you doing here, son? 'I've just buried my goldfish; it died' replied Little Johnny tearfully. 'That is a mighty large hole you dug for a goldfish' said the neighbour. Patting down the last bit of earth, Little Johnny said 'That's because my goldfish is inside your stupid cat'.
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:-) :-)
Nikkie.

Lady to butcher: Is that the biggest duck you have?
The butcher not wanting to lose a customer because of this said: No ma'am, we have another bigger one.
He went inside, took a pump and blew some air in the duck to make it look bigger. Then he gave it to the lady.
The lady said: Good, I will have both of them.
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:-):-)
Nikkie.

The bartender says, 'No, we have cherries and grapes but no olives.'

'Oh,' says the duck and leaves. Five minutes later the duck returns and say to the same barman,

'Have you got any olives?'

'I told you before, we have cherries and grapes, but WE DON'T HAVE OLIVES!' says the barman.

'Oh,' says the duck and leaves. Another five minutes later the duck comes back a third time and again asks, 'Have you got any olives?'

'Look, ' screams the barman. 'For the last time WE HAVE NO OLIVES!, we will never have ANY OLIVES and if you ask me once more, I am going to nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!'

'Oh,' said the duck and left. Five minutes later, the door opened and there was the duck. The barman is absolutely furious. He slams a bottle of beer on the bar, stares at the duck and screams:

'WHAT NOW???!!' 'Uh...uh...have ...you ...got...any....NAILS?'

'Nails? Nails? No, we haven’t got any nails,' answered the barman

'Okay,' said the duck. 'So, have you got any olives?'

==================
Nikkie.

I was walking home the other evening when I was attacked by a mugger. I fought
for all my worth but the mugger was stronger and had me pinned down to the
ground, rifled through my pockets only to find a single 50 pence coin. 'Why did
you put up such a struggle for a measly 50 pence' 'Oh, I thought you wanted the
£100 I've hidden in my sock' I replied.
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I was travelling to the train station the other day by taxi and as we approached I tapped him on the shoulder to tell him where to drop me out. He screamed loudly,
lost complete control of the car, almost ran over an old lady as the cab mounted
the footpath, stopping inches away from a lamp post.
'Don't ever do that again' said the driver. I apologised saying that I didn't realise
that a tiny tap on the shoulder would frighten him to the extent it had. 'It's not
really your fault I suppose' the taxi driver lamented 'it's my first day as a taxi
driver: I've spent the last fifteen years driving a funeral van.'
===========================

Nikkie :-) :-)

A busy dentist and a patient:
Patient: Doctor, my teeth...
Doctor: I know what to do. Open your mouth.
When the patient opened his mouth and the dentist pulled three of his front teeth.
Patient: What have you done?!
Doctor: Its weird, I pulled three of your teeth without any bleeding.
Patient: Those were fake teeth.

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:) :) Nikkie.

TOM became a police inspector and TOMEY paid him a visit.
TOMEY asked:
Who are the people in these photographs hanging on the wall?
TOM: They are the most wanted and notorious criminals.
TOMEY: Your police department is foolish. Why didn't you arrest them when taking the photo?
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A guy walks into work, and both of his ears are all bandaged up. The boss says, 'What happened to your ears?'
He says, 'Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I accidentally answered the iron.'
The boss says, 'Well, that explains one ear, but what happened to your other ear?'
He says, 'Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!'
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Nikkie :-) :-)

Einstein and Banta are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

Einstein says, 'Let's play a game. I will ask you a question. If you don't know the answer, you pay me only $ 5 and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.'

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?

Banta doesn't say a word, reaches his pocket and pulls out a $ 5.

Now, it's Banta's turn. He asks Einstein, 'What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs?'

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends. After an hour, he gives Banta $500.

Einstein going nuts and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

Banta reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $ 5
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A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.

By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, 'Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!'

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer.

A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, 'Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!'

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, 'Go ahead!'

======================

Nikkie:-)

Patient: Doctor, every night in my dreams, celebrities come and play football.
Doctor: Dont worry, take this tablet and everything will be fine.
Patient: Can I take it tomorrow. Today is the final match.

=========================
Nikkie :-) :-)

Once upon a time there was an archery contest.

The first archer, wearing a long cape covering his face, lines up in position...

He takes a deep breath and fires an arrow, which finds the center of the target.

Then he takes of his cape and screams: I AM...... ROBIN HOOD!!! The crowd cheers!

The second archer with a cape lines up in position.

He fires his arrow, which hits the center and cuts Robin Hood's arrow into two!!!

He takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... WILLIAM TELL!!!!!! The crowd cheers!!

Finally our Santa in cape lines up in position... He fires his arrow but it goes all wrong!

It flies past the crowd and kills the king!!! Then the man takes off his cape and screams: I AM...... SORRY!

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Nikkie :-)

This psychiatrist walks into his waiting room and sees two men. One is hanging upside down from the ceiling. The other is sawing an imaginary piece of wood. The doctor approaches the man who is sawing and asks him what he is doing.

'I'm sawing wood,' the man replies.

'And what's your friend doing?' the doctor asks.

'Oh, he thinks he's a light bulb.'

'Well, don't you think you should tell him to get down? The blood is rushing to his head.'

'What, and work in the dark?'
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Nikkie :-) :-)

LOVE STORY - A BEAUTIFUL ONE!!
There was a blind girl who used to hate everyone except her Boyfriend........

She always used to say that I would marry you, if i could see!!

Suddenly one day some one donates her eyes.......and then when she sees her Boyfriend......she is astonished to see that her Boyfriend is also blind........

Her boyfriend then asks ...Darling!!!!WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?

She thinks for a while and says, Sorry!!! But, I can't.........

Her Boyfriend goes away saying....

GOD BLESS YOU DEAR!!!! JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES!!
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A man went into a bar after work and ordered a beer. As he started drinking his beer, he heard a female voise saying seductively, 'You've got nice hair'. The man looked all around him but couldn't see where the voice came from. A minute later he heard the same voice saying, 'You are a handsome man.' The man was really puzzled by this so he asked the barman what was going on.
The barman replied, 'It's the nuts - they're complimentary.'
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Nikkie :-)