A few questions _{Page 5 of 6}

Oh God. No it isn’t like that at all.

I do not use remedies to alter my face. How could this even be possible. The comment about aurum was out of desperation but even than I knew it is not even possible.

I guess I am looking for sympathy maybe? And did not get the reply I hoped for. No I do not want to be always right, don’t care if I am wrong, and I want advice or help.


Yes I have BDD. But so?? This does not mean I am unable to judge the size of my nose accurately. I know it is bigger than average, I know it is fact that something made my nose change although by a small margin and what is happening is that it is becoming more symmetrical and refined. I hate it that because I got BDD I am labelled now as delusional about my appearance. I disagree with this entirely. My BDD is about that on some days my flaws are exaggerated. Which means a bump feels like the end of the world and on other rare days it doesn’t matter as I still look good. This is different. What makes the difference is that people wouldn’t maybe see my nose as big of a problem as I do. It would be the same thing when I look at people with bigger than average looking noses where I don’t think anything about it.

So I am labelled delusional? Funny how the top of my nose feels sore where the growth happened. I am not going to talk about this anymore.

Can I get an answer whether remedies could do this or the skin oil? And assuming it was lycopodium what does this mean that it is my similimum?

I over-react about my appearance. But no, no disaster is going to strike as I am smart and do not want to start picking on my face. It ruined too much. I might get surgery in the future if it will still bother me.

I don’t know I think there is some miscommunication again. I am asking for help. I do not know what to do. I didn’t take platina yesterday because I wanted to stick with lycopodium and am happy that I did not. Mostly because of the sensation of the bad feelings rising from my stomach up to my throat which makes me feel like wanting to vomit is what made me stay with it.

Does lycopodium reproach himself? Feel bad about himself?
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:46:10 BST]

Of course I have a problem often when I look in the mirror something feels to be changed. And in such cases I know it is just my mind. In such cases I cannot be ever certain. I just think something changed. But right now here it is as clear as the sky as I know every part of my face to the smallest detail. To me in my BDD state it seems like a huge change as to what happened, but to the 'normal' people it would be a very small one I am assuming. So I will let this be. No need to believe me and it is fine

I know, this is hard to believe that my nose isnt that big to me. But it is also fact that it is above average size by about 1.4 cm as I put my stats into an online nose calculator lol. But I would not even need to as I knew it is above average size before and I have been told before that I have a big nose which was horrible yea. I am inclined to post a picture from a bad angle for you to see that I am right about not having an average looking nose, but if you see I am bad looking my delusion is you will not be interested in dealing with me anymore. So I cant. I see myself getting invisible, not existing.

I know lots of people with BDD go to surgery and they end up doing this for the rest of their lives because they are never satisfied and in the end make themselves look like monsters.. which makes their delusion real. I would not want that and I would be afraid of ending up looking worse than before. I am even afraid of surgery. And afraid of what my parents, brothers would think seeing me with a new nose. I would just want to change it a bit, make it a bit smaller in size that is all

Ok. I am sorry, lets than not talk about my BDD anymore. Today I am ok and more hopeful. I noticed I said in my last post I would just want to change my nose a bit, make it a bit smaller in size that is all and the reason for this is to be on the safe side. To never get hurt about the size of my nose

The idea that my nose isnt big as you said doesnt sound good/safe to me. Why have people commented on my nose in the past than? I am sure they werent lieing. Even an 8 year old child told me that once while at home watching TV out of the blue?

Should I take another dose of lycopodium before I am able to say whether it is similimum or not?

I took a picture of myself and I looked really depressed. I got enough of feeling bad about myself and want to feel like I did while taking Platina again.

But the nose change and sensation of feeling sick in my stomach which rises up to my throat makes me think I need to take at least another dose as there were some small good improvements.


Can I get some advice please?

I am sorry if I sound unmanageable. I dont want to be.

So I have a big ego, a big problem with people leaving me, and with my appearance and getting hurt. Lack of confidence and fear of humiliation, ridicule. I feel worthless and reproach myself most days but I can swing also to the other side and feel really good about myself if everything is right

Does any remedy come to mind?

I am feeling a bit better. It feels like the darkness of yesterday is less today. If after taking platina, aurum, lycopodium it is always true that the last remedy only works I must assume lycopodium made my nose a bit wider and more symmetrical, but with that also by a milimeter or 2 bigger. Believe me or do not believe me. But my nose felt as if swollen when touching it. The truth is in the pictures and in the mirror. Now I have 2 lines going down my nose when the light is shining on it, as to compared before I just had one. My nose wasn’t as defined before. It was thin and going together in the middle.

Don’t want to take another remedy until I notice my nose stopped changing. Don’t want to interfere with whatever is happening.

But could a remedy do this or is it my skin oil? Lets please assume I am correct about my observations for a moment and what would be the explanation for it? As I said before, the right tip of my nose looked different compared to my left side before, but now it is fairly symmetrical. This happened about 3 days ago.

Lycopodium isnt it I am assuming. The reason my nose bothers me will not be addressed by it. My nose is in the way of being seen a certain way. Of being what I want to be. I will go back to Platina probably tomorrow and stay there. See what will happen.

Again I do not know what dose to take. Is there any suggestion for me?

I saw a girl perform on TV in a singing competition. She looked beautiful and she had the personality that is I don’t know how to describe.. emotionally expressive?. She got lots of praise and admiration. She was everything I once was and it gave me a bit of motivation wanting to be like that again. But first thing I did was look at the mirror from my bed and saw my bad looking nose which is in the way of it. Therefore I came to the conclusion lycopodium isn’t it and Platina much more likely


She replied to a question from a judge once that wasnt that great. It made me cringe. And that is the sort of problem I deal with. One wrong thing and all goes down the toilet. You cannot look at her again in the same way after this happened, after she gave a bad reply
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 15 Oct 2011 07:09:26 BST]

It is 9 days since taking lyc. And it hasnt done anything in a big way. BDD still bothers me, anxiety still here. I could not face the new kid at home at all. I was called down to just get something and I couldnt. Impossible. The anxiety felt kind of worse, must be because I am not feeling good about myself.

So I guess Platina, have no other remedy I can think of except anarcadium maybe? For this tremendous anxiety... It is impossible to be with some stranger in the same room even if its just a kid.

Any suggestion on what to do?

Edit: No going to wait since I dont want to interfer with whatever is making my nose more refined and symetrical
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 15 Oct 2011 13:18:20 BST]

seems like the last remedy, lycopodium is still working. Today I felt again this non reaction when just going out in front of my house, no reaction in my body.


Is the masturbating before falling asleep, without it cannot fall asleep... a strong symptom for staphysagria? What about a group of people ridiculing you? or children etc?

Does staphysgaria have an ego from time to time?

Thanks

would it be indication for plant kingdom that I feel less reactive which I felt while on platina too
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 16 Oct 2011 00:13:30 BST]

hmm I felt really sensitive to disharmony at home today when my father was really angry at my younger brother and I expected to see some violence. Which is to much for me and I cannot sit back than anymore and need to do something. I felt like my father did unjustice to my brother, similar to how it was with me when I was younger which made me so angry but I was always unable to do anything about the aggressive, violent father?

I did not leave the house despite my sensitivity and stayed in case my brother would need me, you never know. I could not go outside as I would constantly think about what might be going on at home anyway and I could not let something bad happen. I feel like when I get involved nothing bad will happen otherwise they will be helpless and unable to defend themselves.

Defending is something I am good at (I believe) as long as its not about me, as long as it has a greater cause. When I played soccer I was also a very good defender lol, never liked to play in attack at the front.

Ah I am talking to much again

Also your comment yesterday about 'of course it is fine, of course,...' is still in my head. Cannot seem to forget it. What is interesting is that the same dynamic as with my father is present. Where I do not let myself be controlled, told what to do excessively, pushed around etc. It is strange because you make it seem as if I am egoistic or unable to follow anyones advice while I see it that I follow to much other peoples advice, am being to much controlled and pushed around. I have been forced to do stuff that I considered totally wrong/unjust by my parents in the past. So I have problems around this. And my alarm bells start ringing when someone starts to tell me what to do more and more. I feel like I have to make it clear then loudly and defend myself hard. To make it seen that I cannot be walked all over and controlled. That I am not such a pushover
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 16 Oct 2011 02:41:30 BST]

Simply said everytime I look into the mirror I dont recognize myself. No 'magic' on my face. I had it back while taking Platina. My personality and everything was shining through my face again. So I had worth again.

The fear about Platina for me is that it might just be palliation but than I thought for a moment what does the word palliation even mean and googled it. So I dont think platina just palliated symptoms. Or made my BDD not bother me but I came out the other way where I felt beautiful again.

I believe I am going to take Platina again.

hmm it was warm outside. So I went for a walk in a tshirt. And result was horrible tension, restriction... I couldnt walk past people without fearing this happening... I see people I get the tension, I must move and untense myself as it is so awkward to walk like this past people and it makes me so self conscious. Than I take out my phone but 2 seconds after looking at my phone I become so tense again and need to move.

Since Platina is confirmed for me mentally, and since anarcadium follows Before and after platina well. The possibility of me needing anarcadium has gone up.

THe question only is whether to take it before or after platina. I have no idea. I would assume before. Because when I took platina my mental issues like the BDD went away but I felt restless as I was unable to get out of my house and do something with my life still. Nothing was moving forward, not a good situation.


Any suggestion please David? Lycopodium left me in a depressed, worthless state by the way. When I walked past people my concern was my tension, trying to control this and hope that people will not look at me while I am tense.I constantly do something to try and untense myself.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 16 Oct 2011 13:11:38 BST]

SOME HELP OR ANSWERS WOULD BE GREAT

- I dont know what to do. continue lycopodium or platina or.... I posted a lot and gave my symptoms while taking lycopodium

- I lost a lot of money on gambling, I usually feel horrible after loosing money but I picked myself up. My defence mechanism kicked in and it made me feel undefeatable. Like this loss cannot defeat me. I will not let it get to me. There are worse things. Its just money. And it makes me motivated.

- I couldnt stand my father later by his mild weak 'I told you so' comments. I find that highly repulsive after.

I could not even stand seeing him make himself tea to drink. THis always irritates me so much when someone makes himself something nice to eat or drink... I dont know why that is so.

- Now I got to sell a few things to get some money and pay it back. The old me would hope I would not have to do it. But nowadays I have to do what I said would do if I lose the bets otherwise I would just feel so horrible about myself.

EDIT: Well actually now I am thinking on one way I should sell some things as I said and on the other hand that I should not. Conflict. Yea 2 different ideas as always. But I am still leaning more towards selling because I need to. My ego, my word, etc.. I think I am going to take anarcadium before Platina? No I am going to order anacardium. I probably am anarcadium exaclty. Right now I am stuck on 2 different ideas and I dont do anything. Until my mother tells me or asks me about the money. I am probably not going to do anything until than. I am going to order it. And hope to get the tension, restriction when close to people away once and for all.


Please advice David. I dont know what I have done wrong. I wish you to help me. I thought taking arg-nit was ok, that it will not result in you leaving me... I had to take it. I felt strong about it and it was a risk I had to take. Sorry.

Let us please look at the anacardium. I went outside with a T-Shirt just on today after many many months since last summer and had such strong tensions, restriction. It was always on my mind and it was what I feared when close to people. I described it in more detail in the post above this one. Is this a strong leading symptom for anacardium? What remedy to start with if Platina & anacardium seem to fit. Anacardium first or platina first?
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 16 Oct 2011 13:26:39 BST]

Yes I have taken it before. Because of my high desire for company. It worked well, but no significant change though.

Ah tHanks a lot for the suggestion anyway, it made me happy to see the comment
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sun, 16 Oct 2011 13:30:34 BST]

I am confused on what to do. It feels like the lycopodium did something as I feel a slight change but not significant though. My nose is changing and not sure if I like it. It is getting wider. And now also the wing of my nose is getting a bit bigger, more volume. It is true! but noone will believe me anyway. It does make my nose look a bit smaller. A thin sticking out nose will give the illusion of looking big but a nose of the same size being wider and having more volume will give the appearance of being smaller.

So I dont know what to think of that nose change.

- yesterday I lost money as I said and I liked it how I was contemptous of my father. And even in the morning I could not stand hearing his voice. The reason for all this is because he knows on what team I put my money on and all the time he was cheering for the other team?? There was just so much of small repulsive behaviour from him. That he sunk really low.

In the early morning I was woken up by hearing my mother talk bad about me downstairs because I didnt do something I should have done. And she told my father to remind me of it when I wake up... So I got repulsed by the idea of he telling me it and got straight out of bed and did it. And my mother looked at me wondering and said some things while my replies were of haughty nature. I am pretty sure she was complainig downstairs about me because I lost the bets.

I couldnt help but think of Platina after all this events happened and how I behaved. Usually I am quiet around my father so I rather like it when I am in a state where I am repulsed by him as I feel better than him than I am assuming while I am like that.
I am sorry but being a smartass later on, cheering for the other team to win, probably just so that he can be smart later on was a bit to repulsive. He was worse than a 5 year old child who wants to prove himself to me. repulsive


But what to do now? I cannot take a remedy while I have many unanswered questions open, and my nose changing etc

I took lycopodium on the 6th october.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:46:33 BST]

why dont you guide me please? I did some things wrong maybe, but I made the task easier by finding the remedies we need. Platina & anacardium I am assuming. I am 100% certain of Platina based on the results I had while taking it. and 80% about needing anacardium also at one point for my restriction, tension problem which is pretty BAD!! and number 1 ailment when I am outside with less clothes on, with just a t-shirt. I was wrong about the arg-nit because I have great anxiety inside buildings but would I have gotten for a walk in a t-shirt outside I would have changed my mind and taken anacardium first I am pretty sure.

And that was the only reason why I did what I did. Because the number 1 priority is to find my similimum and nothing else. But I also want to keep social contact, and not loose you. That is very important to me too!

Please lets work together. I got more insight now that I might be a difficult person to deal with. I am introspective and observant of my behaviours, always open to the truth lol. So I am sure I will be better and more reasonable. I dont like quitting ever.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Mon, 17 Oct 2011 01:59:08 BST]

Wow. Those things mentioned happened only once or twice and than I learned from it I would say.

Well I dont know what to think of this. On one hand you have patients who take remedy after remedy with no improvement and I simply did not want this to happen in my case, therefore I wanted to help the process. Speed it up and believe I did so. Maybe I would still be aggravating on animal remedies by now if I wouldnt decide to 'help'. I hope this doesnt sound bad. Not my intention at all.

I find this a bit unfair. I could have at least gotten help now that I have found the remedies we need. My aggravations are really bad and I am under time pressure somewhat. Hope you understand

I take responsibility that I have done things wrong and learned from some I believe. I have stayed with lycopodium and havent taken another remedy now for about 11 days. But despite taking the responsibility I believe it wasnt bad in terms of my treatment I mean, it lead me somewhere. I have never gotten the choice to say I disagree with a remedy prescription or take a remedy I strongly think
I might be like other members but I am used to being treated like that since forever.

Well could I get advice on what to do if I have some anacardium and platina symptoms. Which one to take first. I read on here on a thread by you that anacardium also feels trapped. If I knew this I would probably take this rather than arg-nit first.

What could I have done if I felt strong about a remedy? Not take it? that seems a bit harsh.

Excuse me again for trying arg-nit. I have this almost 10 year long problem of being extremely anxious when eye contact, when walking around outside, in buildings and there is a strong chance I will want to try anacardium in hope this will dissapear.

But I dont know what to do about the lycopodium now.

What can I do if I am unable to do something I dont think is right? It would destroy me. In the state I was while I got prescribed gall acid & paris quad it was impossible to take it. Similar to anthropleura but a few weeks later I had no problem with taking it any longer.

In the end It comes down to that I have issues. And there should have been a remedy prescribed for my issues about dealing with people (homeopaths) and I must assume you didnt think of including those symptoms.

Am a bit sad as I know I can be a very good patient if all is well with me. I dont like being alone. I wished I could have you here for me when I need you.

Again I am certain of platina. Dont know how to dose But while on it my problems went away and there was no movement further. I could not go out into the world. Which I didnt like at all... So I read about anacardium yesterday night in one of your threads about the issues of movement and trap they also have. And the restriction, tension and countless other things I have in common with anacardium make me pretty certain of it + finding out that it is often followed well before or after platina. So I assume I should take anacardium before platina based on the issue I had that nothing seemed to move further about 2 weeks after taking platina.


Lets not stop here. The end is near I feel. What would of happen if you just guided me with dosing? A small request?

I think I will take the anacardium soon. I dont know whether lycopodium has such strong tensions and issues with restriction.

But what do I do about the lycopodium? Should I take another dose. Does lycopodum fit me or not?

''Why on earth you keep asking me back is beyond me''

Why? Because I want you to guide me but on the other hand I have a problem if the treatment doesnt go into the direction I consider correct. I am sorry, its not on purpose I dont know what to do about it.

I would not want help from anyone else on here and will never ask for it. And I think I dont need to explain why? to not sound disrespectful.


Anyway I will stop to not annoy you. And probably take the anacardium unless you have some advice on what I should do for me. I always tried as best as I could to be reasonable and am suprised by being called the worst patient to date.

Why does noone care about me seriously though? How can one be ok to just let me go and not care what happens to me. I could not do such thing to someone. Not even to my father or whoever I talk bad about usually