A few questions _{Page 4 of 6}

I am feeling needy and hooked onto that dating site all day.

I am not feeling good. Just like in the past as if sick in my stomach and anxious. Must be because I started meditation again a few days ago and homeopathy is just a side thing now. I am dissapointed I had high hopes of it making me socialize without a care in the future but its not going to happen. I feel pretty hopeless about it

I feel like something is coming up from my stomach which gets to my throat and than I feel like vomiting but nothing happens than. It is this sensation just when it gets up to my throat. I feel physichally sick and am afraid of being around my parents or anyone like this. As I could get asked what is wrong with me etc

It was painful passing stool today, from the width of the stool. I dont pass stool regularly, maybe every 3 days or so and today it was painful that it made me sweat and I kept pushing to get it out, but it went with ease though. The big size was just the problem

I am going to gamble again lots of money next week. Asked my mother to lend me some money.

I got it all under control. I believe all my problems would go away if I had some friends or people to have contact with.

I feel sick today just like in the past. I dont think it is lycopodium but the meditation from bringing everything up to the surface again.

Is there a remedy for someone who feels pysichally sick in the stomach and anxious? not wanting to present himself around people in this state out of fear of something bad happening?

And stuff coming up to the throat

Thanks. It is a sick feeling through whole body, worst in stomach and head. I felt such anxiety again from seeing I have a reply from you. I believe it is acute panic that you left me. Seperation?. I am feeling weak mentally today. On one hand I feel like wanting to stop caring and say things without a worry. Whether it is wrong or not. Not worry whether I could be called narrow-minded or whatever for my non caring statements. But then again what will I accomplish if in the end I get left by people. Nothing.

I have lots of guilt. I wonder whether I am suffering or not. I mean whether I am like lycopodium who cries about small things and should not do so or whether I have a right to say I am suffering and should not feel guilty or bad about it.

I looked at my dog often today and felt like throwing her at a wall or something but then I change again instantly and pet her and play with her a bit. And it keeps repeating.

I walked past 3 children who were around age 4 playing outside a house and I was afraid of getting ridiculed by them when I was close to them I feared I will be spoken too or I thought I heard them say something bad about me. I hid my face as it is to sad looking and it is wrong to show myself like that. I had the restriction where I just can look away or down, nowhere else

Later when going home I did not want to pass a few children. I would feel too bad to walk past them looking depressed. I believe guilt

I feel really weak and don’t know if I can keep it all together today. Last thing I want is to be asked what is wrong and then break out in tears as it is so uncomfortable. I wish to get this day behind me and avoid everyone.

I want to say I feel hurt by people always leaving me, like homeopaths, and that I have the right to express it but what purpose would this serve. The homeopath would get mad and reject me and I would be on my own. So I have to deal with this and be quiet about it all. But it doesn’t seem right to me.

All the things I say on here cannot be taken into account. Because I talk a lot, I get identified with remedies although never on purpose. And I am very changeable. It is hard to talk about my problems because my emotions are sort of hidden from me. What I mean is sometimes something triggers an emotion and the moment it should get intense, this makes the emotion than disappear and I get into my unbalanced, often attention seeking (maybe hysteric?) state. Where I am unbalanced. I am like a child often, do everything right. I switch off lights if I hear my father coming down if it isn’t too dark just to not get to hear anything about it. Which leaves me feeling bad either way for being like this. I don’t think my father could say anything bad about me, except that I don’t work or study because of my social anxiety and the only other thing is when he criticises me we have our loud arguments than. Other than that I always do whatever he wants from me. Sometimes like today he has an argument with my younger brother and then he comes to me and talks bad about him and I hate it. I don’t want to be close with my father. It is difficult to describe. I don’t want to end up with my father alone, or make him think I am with him. So situations like this I don’t like at tall where I am unwillingly made seen as if I am with him. But I cannot say it. When I was a child In such situation I would be like where is my mother, in hope she will save me and make me get away from my father. The uncomfortablness and be with my mother again where I be myself, feel comfortable, talk and say what is on my mind. I never go anywhere alone with my father. In the past I had to and I always hated it. But I could not say “no” on the other hand either. Always uncomfortable when to speak, what to say, being with him together, the uncomfortable quietness. Such difference compared to when I go with my mother somewhere.

I understand on a mental level that it is me to blame, my fault a 100%. Also looking around you don't have a problem with anyone else but me. But emotionally it is different. The anger from someone leaving me, I feel like no matter what I do noone should leave me, unjust done to me because I never mean bad. And I have nowhere else to go or help so leaving me alone seems totally wrong so noone should do this to me. A childish response I am assuming.

If I could move forward and go to someone else for help I probably would by now. But I grow attached to certain people quick and leaving is impossible. Maybe only if I found someone else beforehand. I don't want to be alone, but I am not afraid of it since I used to be for many years. It is impossible, I am nothing if alone.


I depend on my appearance a lot. I would be nothing and feel completely worthless if I would loose it. But right now I feel good about it from getting a new symmetry on my face. This might sound weird but I look at my face and feel like I am over-attractive. And I am inappropriately or excessively seductive. Those feelings have gone while taking platina but since taking arg-nit and lycopodium they are back... Strong sexual feelings through my whole body.


Anyways thanks for the replies. Made me feel much better. Since meditation is now number 1 priority and homeopathy not anymore it is easier to wait and let remedies act as long as they need to.

What I would want the most is to have someone who would not leave me no matter if I say or do something wrong or not good enough etc. And this brought up some intensity and made me have to hold back tears... But than all of a sudden when I started to think about who that someone would be I became picky, thinking that I might get someone I am not going to like, and in the end I came to the conclusion I wouldn't like anyone.

It is strange. If I were in front of that someone I would be anxious and feel bad, but here I am picky and consider myself as something above that would deserve better than spend time with such people. I swing so many times it seems which is confusing my case

why does sex sort of repulse me? I get turned on by females whilst they are still in clothes and sexually aroused really quick but someone being naked is not my thing at all. Is this a peculiar symptom? problem with intimacy or of disgust or what could it be.
I think it is a bit of both. At home I always clean dishes before using them and ask my mother whether she washed her hands often when she prepares food, I dont eat if someone touches my plate etc. It isnt disgust about the dishes but rather germs, bacteria, I dont want that if someone touches my plate
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 11 Oct 2011 12:56:35 BST]

There is a girl I have been chatting with online for a while now and I am thinking about whether I should risk it and meet her or not. I am thinking when will she hurt me. At one point she surely will and decide to leave me/reject me, or she will grow tired of me like everyone else always does, of how bothersome I am and than leave me. This is going to hurt a lot if it happens again. It shatters me and my little confidence I have. It makes me worry that this will happen always in the future so I will be unable to make contact in the future wihtout getting rejected.

Unexpected rejections are nasty. That is why I sometimes have trouble reading posts when I expect something bad could of have been said to me.
What would of happen if I got a post by you that would be of critical nature? It would be nasty. It would be unexpected which leads to me not being able to understand the world anymore. A feeling of no control. How this happened out of nowhere, without any signs. It would rob me of my confidence. And leave me shattered.

In the past I chatted with girls, all was going well than out of nowhere a critizism that I just talk about my anxiety all day etc. And it leaves me in panic, that the same thing is happening again... people growing tired of me and leaving.

It is horrible, like a shock. So I rejected the girl then, broke contact instantly by telling her to never message me again for how panicky she made me feel by that comment that I just talk about my anxiety all day and I felt for 2 days really horrible. I remember my father was picking on me the next day which made me feel even worse. So lost and uncertain, not understanding anything.

======
I know I overreacted now, and I try to rationalise but I am at the bottom with my confidence when it comes to dealing with people. Like I said I cannot even talk to 5 year old kids.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Tue, 11 Oct 2011 13:46:59 BST]

My face changed a bit again. Dont know if I like it this time. the left side of my upper lip got bigger and is now looking like the right side. This is all happening because the tip of my nose is changing and getting a bit bigger. So it made my upper lip lift

You will probably think it is all in my mind but it isnt. There is a difference between fearing or feeling that something changed but not able to be completely certain about it which made me sure it must be just in my mind. But this time it is as clear as the sky and dont even need to look at my old pictures. I wonder whether this is becuase of the remedies or the oil I put on my nose.


Lycopodium is alright. But it isnt the drastic change as platina was. Where I felt like how could I ever spend so much time in front of the mirror looking at my 'faults' since I am good looking. And there is no quick change, a feeling of stability.

No siginificant change but I do feel and look calmer.

Well I just went outside my house quick and there was no difference between how I felt. I did not tense up, not get any of my anxiety symptoms and I had to smile later. I thought the day would never come.

I am not sure whether this is lycopodium or not, but probably most likely. I feel less numb, I did so after almost any remedy after taking platina. So platina felt mentally like a big change but lycopodium feels like anxiety wise and made me less numb.

Ok I got more hope into homeopathy now. It would be nice if I never get those nasty anxiety reactions. And can feel always the same. Or just feel a bit of anxiety, not this crazy amount as usual. It is not the anxiety, but the tensions, heaviness, restriction that was horrible. The sensations in my head etc. Hard to live with. After writing this I got the tension in my head again a bit that makes my eyes unfocused. But lets see if it will keep improving over the days.

So since I took platina, aurum, and lycopodium in that order over 2 days it is definately lycopodium that is causing this improvement anxiety wise?
[message edited by vitamin.X on Wed, 12 Oct 2011 04:29:44 BST]

hmm nat carb description in the other thread sounds like me to lol

Hmmm I am not that sure about lycopodium anymore. There is improvement from feeling lighter and less numb. Also the restriction outside was much less or when holding eye contact with people at home there was often not an anxiety response and no need to look away which would give the restriction and make me unable to look at that person again.

I have a question marks over lycopodium because lycopodium does not consider something wrong with them I read on here and guilt feelings are not mentioned under it either. When I aggravate I have strong feelings of worthlessness and guilt always. I had them the other day. Or I feel guilt when I gamble and torture or reproach myself (if that is the right word?) later for all the things I have done not correctly. For example over whether I was too greedy, so I deserve to loose, or when the teams arrive onto the field and if I don’t watch the national anthem being played for the team I betted on I feel guilt feelings again and thoughts that I do not deserve to win because I didn’t do what I should. I do not allow myself to think in advance what I will do if I win, nothing that could be consider wrong which would make me undeserving to win. So today I placed some bets and I had my thoughts that I was too greedy and will loose therefore.

In social situations I feel guilt often too if I made someone feel uncomfortable etc. Sometimes it is guilt, at other times humiliation. It depends. Or if I were a teacher to some students I would expect from myself to never appear childish, wrong, unintelligent, etc & countless other things otherwise I would feel guilt and that people lost confidence in me, that I let them down. Well I could never be a teacher therefore with my current issues. I might have pride with never wanting to let myself be humiliated, or be seen making a mistake but I also have guilt. There must be a thing/issue of status or position going on with me. As one mistake, one wrong thing could make me lose it all.

Right now before even starting to write this I felt my ego coming up again. A bit of the palladium state. Feel like battling something again and it must be because I am realizing I am unlikely to be lycopodium… Another deafeat to the opponent and win for me. And I am like “who is next?”

Lycopodium feels ok, but my BDD is still a problem. In the afternoon I felt I look really bad again. It is not like Platina. With Platina it seemed the direction of cure was correct. A deep sense that all is well, my BDD got cured but there was something I didn’t like as I mentioned before. I got cured of the BDD and the bad feelings about myself but when that happened it didn’t feel good. It seemed to me like I don’t have issues but I am still at home and not doing anything, a not good situation therefore. All came to a standstill. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be free of problems and do nothing. So I don’t know maybe I should wait more and the social anxiety would improve also with time? I don’t know.

Well I don’t know what to do. Whether I am mineral, plant, animal. I don’t know anything, except that Platina still is the best remedy I have taken to date. Maybe something more will happen out of the lycopodium but I would expect my bad feelings about myself and BDD to be cured first for it to be the correct direction of cure.

I in no way want to sound like I think I am Platina. Unlikely, but I don’t know it. I just know it helped a great deal and lycopodium does too in a way but in a different more superficial way. Fixing symptoms, but nothing mentally I would say. Maybe I also feel a bit more confidence.

A week will be over tomorrow. I dont know what to do. Take another dose of lycopodium soon? Does it fit me or not?

My dreams of tonight:

-I was with friends doing something secretly every night which was fun. I had a thought about whether this is how I want to spend my time/life and I thought yes as long as it is with friends why not, all is good. What I was doing I cannot remember in detail. It was like exploring something… At night we went into a flat. Hacked on a computer and a big thing – a mix between animal/monster got unlocked of a room and we had to evade it to get further and into some underground tunnel with a secret train. And once over we would all feel good for sharing this experience together and do it every night. It reminded me of a movie where a special team had to go underground and rescue workers from a secret government building underground. But it wasn’t that exactly, not a rescue mission. We were just exploring something hidden and having fun in doing it.

-I was in a shopping mall. My younger brother called me names and said bad things. I went to him and grabbed him by the head and he started becoming hysterical and theatrical. Faking it as if I hurt him, holding his knee and my mother came over and believed him everything. I was so mad at her… A similar situation happened a few days ago at home.


-A dream again about my father telling me I need to start working or doing something and I defended myself again really hard. It feels like the end of the world that I must defend myself.


-I was in a city that looked empty with a gun, and had to shoot people, like war, but more empty. Rarely people to be seen


-In another dream it was more heavy, a big battlefield, were I had to activate lasers to kill a big “thing” once too and also go back for some people and move up the battlefield.


-Last one I can remember a bit long. I was in Japan on a race track in a race, someone was driving me on a motorbike. I was afraid that we will not make the corner and fall into the sea down the cliff (Am afraid when someone drives me fast). When the race was over I got into a car with a famous professional Formula 1 racer and 1 Japanese guy. I did not go with my mother who was waiting for me which was a mistake. As I had no phone and realized those people will not take me home. So how will I get home and being in a foreign country I felt lost. So in the car I had a conversation with the Japanese guy and my usual problem of speaking unclearly came up. I had to repeat myself often and it makes me feel so bad. Then I once said I am not feeling good being in japan because of the recent tsunami, earthquakes and asked whether nuclear power plants are close. Then we got past an airfield and I saw big military jets landing, they looked like nothing I have ever seen before and we went into a building where some entertainment was going on. I was afraid of going in there and having my “staring eye problem” and the restriction, unable to look freely wherever I want, but have to manage my eyes and hide them. So when I got in there with the people I was with I checked my body to see whether the eye problem will be here or whether it got magically fixed. Than the people I was with disappeared and I was alone and lost. I walked around, and saw dorm rooms, I once opened a door and hoped it was the exit but again it was a dorm room and a guy from behind looked at me angry and I apologised for opening his room. There were people around and I just didn’t know what to do, I felt alone, no one with me that I know. So than later I remember the singer chris brown came walking around, I was walking with him and with some other people of his group later in the dream I remember, but we didn’t talk, than we got into a room I looked at his shiny jewellery. Than I had some thoughts that I need to act high or something and the name platina came up. Or that I could be like platina and have celebrity friends and mix with them. I don’t remember in detail. Or that this is how platina is and I could be it. Do I want to be it? But it was in a pessimistic view, not in an exciting one at all, Since I felt alone with people around me. I cannot describe this feeling. Isolated?

In such dreams I feel unable to make the connection or distanced from people. Isolated, alone and a bit lost. Not know what to do

Strange that I dream about remedies so often.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 02:08:04 BST]

Still feel the bad feelings in my stomach and it is making me feel in my throat as if about to vomit for a second before it goes away and the cycle continues repeating itself. those homeopathic aggravations seem to have no end. On one side I am getting tired of it, why I should feel this way but on the other hand there is my ego which does not allow me it. If I have to experience aggravations for the rest of my life than so be it.

- I dont like people, I have something negative to say about everyone, dont like it when i am like that. people irritate me.

I am even annoyed by all the other members on here, they should just all go away. This forum should be here just for me, or other members can get help from nawaz and joe.

hmm not a good state, when I make such statements I feel 2 opposing things. The ego on one hand and on the other hand dont want to hurt anyone and risk people walking away from me. A conflict. despite the conflict I have to say it anyway as I feel non-existant otherwise I believe. I am not seen
[message edited by vitamin.X on Thu, 13 Oct 2011 04:09:12 BST]

Hmm a bit of mixed feelings. Outside I had tensions in my face and eyes, the killer look but I am a mild, gentle person when approached. So that is kind of back to how it always was. But I feel better outside in the environment, cannot describe it and maybe a bit of more confidence.

At home I feel better too, but at times still this restriction, eye contact trouble even with family members like my younger brother.

I am confused. I assume taking another dose of lycopodium is the smart thing to do in the future.

Something else: A bit of a different obsessiveness is appearing, maybe a remedy or the recent gambling triggered this. For example in the morning when taking my tooth brush I dropped a remedy bottle and I was anxious about which one it was. Trying to find the meaning behind it. I thought it was the scorpio remedy which would make me feel maybe guilty? Take it as a sign that I should take or have taken the scorpio remedy. So I saw it was the lycopodium I dropped and I thought to myself the meaning behind it is that I dropped it, defeated it. Or my pocket mirror got dropped when I grabbed something and I was looking for the meaning behind it again?? I don’t like it when ridicoulous thoughts like this have such effect over me.

hmmm. Some help or answers would be appreciated.

Today my nose grew larger over night. I am not joking or delusional. It is a fact. This is not subjectiv stuff. It is a small margin though but still bad. I had on the left side of my nose a small bump always so now it evened itself out to become symetrical so therefore it grew on the right side. I am not liking it.


A new brothers friends came to my home to sleep over. And I feel horrible. I cannot face him. I dont want to. Panic. They are outside right now, but often when I hear some children outside the house I fear it is them and I start racing and want to dissapear quick.

I dont know about lycopodium. There are some nice improvements social anxiety wise, which I like.

It is strange. Platina was like the remedy that made me feel good about myself, my BDD dissapeared, a deep feeling that all is well. But lycopodium on the other hand is addressing my social anxiety and not the bad feelings, BDD is still here. So I like lycopodium too and want any improvement I can get in mys social anxiety.


I feel horrible though and do not know how I will do this today with the panic I feel of humiliation and staying inside a house with a new kid who might speak to me and everyone will look at me and how I behave than which will be horrible and humiliating.

Why is my nose changing so much for the past few days. First the tip of my nose on the right side got refined and nicely developed and today the middle part of my nose?

Could it be a remedy or can skin oil do this which I apply daily? Weird it is just vitamin A and nothing else. I took platina,aurum, lycopodium the last week

I am a bit annoyed that I have to deal with such situations which could of have been avoided. My family members know that I have a problem regarding this. But I dont want to be angry at them not even for a moment as this is stuff low/small lifes do.

I am confused whether I would have a right to be angry or feel displeased about it or whether I am unreasonable and acting like a princess.

And on the other hand I feel like I deserve it since I have a big ego or pride that I fear humiliation. This is something my father would always do. Blame me for everything, find always a reason why its my own fault, why I deserve it

I am confused, am I bad, unreasonable? So I am quiet about my issues always and would never speak up at home that something bothers me when my father is present as I expect that it will turn out bad and me to be blamed, but also humiliation is a problem of course.

ridicule, humiliation both is bad and I am afraid of both I presume although more of humiliation but I dont really know

I feel like I am ruined. Under room light faults of my face are always more visible and so the new growth of my nose makes me look just right out disgusting. I cannot believe it. I have a good looking face but my nose is ruining everything. It is by about the width of my finger too big to be considered average size. I have no choice but to get a nose job in the future. Although I am sure not much can be done. I will not get the nose I want, since it can only reduce the size of a nose by that much. But it is very likely that I am going to destroy it myself before from the impatience. I cannot live like this and I don’t want to. Loosing the only thing I had. I still cannot believe it that for the past 3 days my nose and lip changed. WHY? Is it the remedies or the vitamin A oil? I felt like at the end again. And had to hold back tears. I look disgusting. Before my nose was at least thin. Now it has gotten bigger at the top of my nose in width also. Ruined. Now I got really a big nose compared to before. I hope this is just swollen but I highly doubt it. Although it does feel kind of hard and different when I touch my nose bone. I dont know what I am going to do now. Probably stare in the mirror for the rest of the night and stress about it as I have been doing all day. I was inclined to take platina but am not going to do that yet. Wait a few more days in hope something will change. I just hope tomorrow when I wake up I wont see another change for the worse on my face.
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 14 Oct 2011 09:57:24 BST]

I wonder how come I dont have any physichal diseases like c_ancer or skin diseases from experiencing so much distress for the past few years.

Is it true that people who need aurum have strange noses? That the bone is almost completely gone and the nose is just cartillage.

Could taking aurum destroy my bone on my nose?? Probably unlikely. Could aurum have caused my nose to grow or lycopodium?

My nose is shorter than the average adult male nose by 0.8 centimeters
but sticks out 1.4 centimeters more than the average adult male nose.

I knew It is not a problem with perception.

EDIT: I am somewhat ok now again
[message edited by vitamin.X on Fri, 14 Oct 2011 12:53:03 BST]

Oh God. No it isn’t like that at all.

I do not use remedies to alter my face. How could this even be possible. The comment about aurum was out of desperation but even than I knew it is not even possible.

I guess I am looking for sympathy maybe? And did not get the reply I hoped for. No I do not want to be always right, don’t care if I am wrong, and I want advice or help.


Yes I have BDD. But so?? This does not mean I am unable to judge the size of my nose accurately. I know it is bigger than average, I know it is fact that something made my nose change although by a small margin and what is happening is that it is becoming more symmetrical and refined. I hate it that because I got BDD I am labelled now as delusional about my appearance. I disagree with this entirely. My BDD is about that on some days my flaws are exaggerated. Which means a bump feels like the end of the world and on other rare days it doesn’t matter as I still look good. This is different. What makes the difference is that people wouldn’t maybe see my nose as big of a problem as I do. It would be the same thing when I look at people with bigger than average looking noses where I don’t think anything about it.

So I am labelled delusional? Funny how the top of my nose feels sore where the growth happened. I am not going to talk about this anymore.

Can I get an answer whether remedies could do this or the skin oil? And assuming it was lycopodium what does this mean that it is my similimum?

I over-react about my appearance. But no, no disaster is going to strike as I am smart and do not want to start picking on my face. It ruined too much. I might get surgery in the future if it will still bother me.

I don’t know I think there is some miscommunication again. I am asking for help. I do not know what to do. I didn’t take platina yesterday because I wanted to stick with lycopodium and am happy that I did not. Mostly because of the sensation of the bad feelings rising from my stomach up to my throat which makes me feel like wanting to vomit is what made me stay with it.

Does lycopodium reproach himself? Feel bad about himself?
[message edited by vitamin.X on Sat, 15 Oct 2011 00:46:10 BST]