David please... _{Page 9 of 12}

Not sure if I am still aggravating or not...would this be possible 8 days out? I am not as tired as I was (but still tired), slept pretty well last night for the most part. I was very frustrated with my son today, he wasn't being bad but just hyper and loud and constantly wanting my attention while I was trying to work and I felt like I had no patience for that. I am very frustrated and angry/sad about our financial situation right now, which has been ongoing for several years. The ongoing stress has really gotten to me and I feel cheated of a normal life. Its hard to see other family members on Facebook going out and doing lots of fun things and enjoying time with their typical kids. I feel like its really not fair, although I know that life rarely is. Whenever I get asked to do something social that might involve money I almost always have to decline and its like a blow to my chest or stomach, a small amount of humiliation for always having to miss out and not being able to explain things to people as most people I know can't fathom the concept of how little we actually have. Just thoughts...


From brisbanehomoeopath
Go through all your symptoms and try to work out what is worse, what is better, and what is the same.



Sleep seems a little better.
Depression is better.
Anxiety seems a small bit better.
Loneliness seems better.
Acne is better (but started using a gentler soap, could be that).
Irritability is worse (but I have PMS right now I think).
Agitation is worse.
Becoming upset when I don't feel heard is worse.
Sensitivity to sound is worse.
Sadness seems worse.
Tiredness is about the same.


From brisbanehomoeopath
Still aggravating then. It is a long one but some people are like that. We will need to wait a few more days to see how things change. If you get stuck at this stage then another dose will usually get things going again.



I am very sensitive to homeopathic remedies (which is weird because I have usually been undersensitive to allopathic medicines). It doesn't feel like a terrible aggravation though. I actually felt pretty ok for most of yesterday. I would usually be starting to feel like this around now or before (its about 6 days before my period). So it could be PMS, I'm not sure that would be better yet after taking this only one time. I am not bloated though, I usually would be.

Sorry for the long posts, this was the end of what was deleted. We evetually went on to Bryonia when I went into that state from a cold.

Describe more on the concepts of :

Normal
Capable, able to deal with life as it comes, able to socialize, able to be alone, able to be successful in relationships, in a career, in life, able to fully let others in and experience the weight of compassion without being crushed by it, to be happy in life, not always experiencing the emotion of happiness, but of deep gratitude, thankfulness, and love throughout life's irritations

Something wrong with me
I am not as resilient to life's hardships as I see others as...it seems like other people are better able to handle life (although I do feel more capable now, a lot more, this is very positive actually), I always felt like I walked around with a black cloud over my head, like I was the unlucky one

A resiliency chip
Able to get back up again and try again, to not let setbacks shake my confidence or rob me of living life

Stability
stability of a steady income and our own home, but even more than that, emotional stability, and not needing to lean on anyone or any circumstances to look for that, a certain strength in my core, like a rod in my center pulling me up straight, holding my head high while my feet are firmly planted and I am not shaken by my circumstances because I know who I am

Trapped
Feeling scared, having no options, feeling like there is nothing I can do to change things, being blinded to possibilities, short-sighted, narrowly-focused and missing the window because the door is shut

Isolated
sad, a gnawing sensation in my chest, a pain, like I am winded from running, a painful sensation from my chest to the bottom of my eyeballs, sometimes around my head, gripping like a vice (this is what it feels like when I wish I could cry but can't) strangely claustrophobic



I know I probably put myself in too many of those. Let me know if you needed something different ;)

What exactly is normal?
Socially acceptable

On the opposite side, what is abnormal?
Socially unacceptable, deviant

So try it this way - describe a person that is normal, describe one that is abnormal. Describe an object that is normal, and then one that is abnormal. What is normality? What is abnormality?

A person who is normal works, has a home and good relationships, is mentally and emotionally balanced.

A person who is abnormal is incapable of making a living, doesn't have good relationships or relationship skills, and is mentally or emotionally unbalanced in some way.

I am trying to get you to be more abstract, less personal.

What exactly does it mean when something is wrong with a person? What does it mean for something that is not a person?

When something is wrong with a person, they are deficient in some way, incomplete in some way. They can never fully take part in or experience life.

I can't think of what it would mean for something that is not a person, I don't think of 'things' as having something wrong with them. They don't have an emotional experience so it hardly matters much. Maybe I would say broken.

What does one do, with a thing or a person that is abnormal, or is wrong in some way?

If something is broken, you fix it or throw it away. If someone is abnormal, you try to help 'fix' them, but if unable to do so, it is sad because their life experience will be tragic.

Isolated actually seem to provoke a better response from you. Isolated brings up Gnawing, Winded, Gripping, Vice, Claustrophobic. This shows energy here, a sensitivity.

Stability did bring up something too - Core, Rod, Straight, Firmly planted, Not shaken.

Can you try those words. Again no story, just describe the word, the concept.

Gnawing - Hunger pangs, an empty hollow feeling

Winded - the breath knocked out of you, struggling, gasping for breath

Gripping - strangling, squeezing

Vice - strong onbject that clamps down, cutting off circulation, strangling

Claustrophobic - unable to breath, walls closing in, helpless, hopeless feeling

Core - center, strength, strong, unwavering

Rod - metal, straight, strong, unbendable

Straight - confident, decisive, self-assured

Firmly planted - rooted, grounded, able to stand despite the winds and erosion

Not shaken - not tossed about with every emotion or situation, strength, confidence, assurance

Strangling - Choking, drowning, cutting off

Squeezing - Constricting, Squelching

Strong object that clamps - Pliers

Unable to breath - Suffocating

Walls closing in - Squeezing, smashing, squelching, stifling

Also, describe to me more on your view of people, society, how people treat each other, how you have been treated, where you fit in to society and the world.

I have a hard time trusting people because I feel like a lot of people don't care about others and are not honest. People expect you to do and say certain things all the time, whether they are true or not. I got a lot of rejection as a child for expressing emotions or an opinion that differed from my parents. I went to a school where I was bullied constantly and just took it because I could not stand up for myself and wanted people to like me. I dislike confrontation. I think my family and lack of friends shaped my view of people today, but I also realize there are a lot of good people in the world that are worthy or my trust and I have several good friends and many acqaintences who I respect and care for. I feel like a lot of people have not treated me well, but there is no reason for it, and I can now choose who I want to be around as an adult. I'm not sure where I fit in socially, ideally I do well with 3-6 close friends, one on one is the best type of interaction for me, and many less deep friendships who like me and vice versa. I am ok with different levels of friendships. I think I have a lot to offer the world, I am very compassionate and social justice minded. I haven't figured out exactly what my role is yet. I just know that I cannot be satisfied to live a life that has no positive impact on others and the world at large. It is hard for me to find others who feel the same, all though I do encounter them every once in a while. Kindred spirits to me are few and far between.

Forgot to add that growing up, especially in school, I was absolutely disgusted by the way I saw people treat each other. (I went to a private school where if you were not in a mean clique, you were nobody, to me that wasn't worth my time and there was nobody I found to connect with on a genuine level. I was pretty bummed out by my peer selection, quite honestly. When I became an adult, I started realizing I couldn't paint everyone with the same brush. but it still seemed like a lot of people would put on a harsh or fake front for their real selves and it took considerable effort to break through that, sometimes worth it, sometimes not. I get along with almost everybody, but I am selective with who I choose to develop a deeper friendship with. I need to surround myself with visionaries who see bigger pictures and are globally minded, if that makes sense. I don't care about the latest football game or who said what to who. But I have learned to make small talk because I enjoy people most of the time, unless they are devious, and try to connect with them at their level. I feel lonely because I feel fundamentally different and alone, I feel like a deep well to 95% of the world's babbling brooks.
[message edited by allicando on Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:27:00 GMT]

How do people bully one another?

I think the worst form of bullying is emotional manipulation - girls tend to do this to other girls a lot. They will spread rumors behind each other's backs, lie to each other's faces, etc. Male bullies tend to be more physical. But bullying in general I think is any behavior that is intended to belittle another person.

What could people do to you that creates such a lack of trust?

My mother never stuck up for me, especially to my father who was very critical and picked apart certain aspects of my physical appearance. He would physically assault me if he came home from a stressful day at work and the carpet needed to be vaccummed. I felt like a scapegoat, when he wasn't ignoring me. I felt like I had no one to turn to, no emotional support, and aside from food, clothing, and shelter, basically had to parent myself from a very young age. There were lots of rules and regulations, but no outward demonstrations of love, and lots of emotional and physical abuse and guilt piled on thick. If that is your world as a child, you pretty much expect everyone to be that way and actually attract others that treat you the same way.


What is the worst one person could do to another?

I think the worst thing that one person can do to another is break their spirit. This happened to me, and it was far worse than any physical abuse I have ever endured.


If you think of an image of Strangling, Suffocating, Choking, Squeezing, what comes to mind. Give several if you can.

A girl huddled in the corner of a room, hiding with her head down. The struggle for life and someone holds down another person's head.


If you think about those feelings, where do you feel them in your body?

My chest.


Talk about people not being honest. What does this mean, how are people not honest, what do they do out of this?

Emotional manipulation - lying to get ahead or not take responsibility for hurting someone else...Not being honest with feelings or emotions...after my father died I never once saw my mother cry. When I was honest about my feelings of hurt, there was a backlash and a huge denial from my family. It seems like most of the world likes to live in denial and the world is not 100% rosy all the time. There is a time and place to air your deepest secrets, but really, I know nothing about my mother because she has never once thought that I was valuable enough that she could be emotionally vulnerable in the slightest with my. Any emotional vulnerability on my part, (even just level-headed honesty) would be punished by rejection and neglect or anger. I am not a confrontational person and usually do my best to come across in kindness even when being honest as I care about the feelings of others. People who say they care about you and act exactly the opposite is something that hurts me, especially when there seems to be no understanding about the dissonance in themselves.

Kind of similar to when someone holds your head under water...it is hard to breath because it hurts in your chest.

It hurts from holding it in. Forced to hold yourself a certain way and are choking on the emotions, holding them in. Gagged, silenced. Robbed of the dignity and right to be yourself.
[message edited by allicando on Thu, 26 Jan 2012 02:15:16 GMT]

Yes, it comes from the outside. I only hold my emotions in because I have been told there is something wrong with having them. Physychologically, yes I do feel these sensations, and when I am thinking about this stuff or experiencing pain or sadness about it, then yes, physically too. In the chest, and like my head is being squeezed.

Strangling, choking - gagging constriction in the throat

Suffocating, squeezing - pain, compression in the chest, as if someone is sitting on it, pains with breathing, must exert great effort to breathe

vice grip - pressure headache around the temples but mainly the front of the head (forehead)

Is that what you were looking for?

Please reply when you get the chance - thanks :)

Oh sorry to hear about that - thank you!

I am very curious!

Waiting for your reply :)

I have always been nearsighted, since childhood. I was actually legally blind without my glasses and contacts and then I had Lasik surgery about 7-8 years ago which corrected this. During pregnancy, my eyes ended up getting a little blurrier and I needed glasses again (but they are not nearly as strong). My right eye in particular seems to be getting worse (more nearsighted), and my eyes are usually pretty dry. I also have mild astigmatism.

In winter, the weather is colder, it is gloomy with less sunshine and I don't feel like going outside and freezing. I dislike the dark and it makes me sleepy and I find less opportunities for socializing as the weather is not as good and it takes some effort to get out and about. People around here tend to hunker down for the winter and stay home a lot more. I usually get extremely depressed, lethargic and apathetic or sometimes anxious during the winter. Thankfully this winter it has been a lot better and I haven't felt so bad as I did last one.

I don't really have many dreams, not any that I remember lately.