David please... _{Page 8 of 12}

Ok thank you - even if I do not have the symptoms of wanting to be away from people?

After I took the Bryonia, I got ill with either food poisoning or a stomach bug of some sort and was in bed for the better part of two days. My back then started hurting again (from having been pulled out a couple weeks ago) and I could hardly move for another day do to that. I have been unable to sleep for the past few nights and cannot turn off my anxious thoughts. My muscles ache. I am very tired but cannot sleep.

Yes. I really think I must have ate something bad though, I have never had stomach issues as aggravation. Hopefully I will be able to sleep better soon...

In case there was something you wanted to revisit with my case since you mentioned it on the other thread...

I am definitely feeling in a bad mood and was supposed to go out tonight but I'm staying in for no other reason then I don't have the energy and don't want to be in a bad mood around people. There is no reason for my bad mood. I didn't sleep well last night and started my period today but that is it. I feel like a whiney little kid...haha. It has been cold here and my face always starts to itch when that happens and then it gets irritated from me scratching it and I get pimples on my cheeks from that. I feel so itchy in cold weather, and I don't like going out with dry flaky irritated cheeks. It makes me look older too, dry, drawn and wrinkled and I'm not that old. :/ Eh.

Ok, I think I may have it on my other computer. Let me check.

OK, this was from late August/ early September (previous to that, beginning last May I was prescribed Sepia, Nat Mur, Lycopodium, and Calc Carb, with varying degrees of success, but not all the benefits were lasting). Here is my previous thread from that treatment: http://www.abchomeopathy.com/forum2.php/275139/


GUIDELINES FOR GIVING HOMOEOPATHIC CASE INFORMATION

It is important to describe all your problems in as much detail as you are able. One word answers and short sentences are not particularly helpful. Discuss each problem one at a time, providing (as a minimum level of detail) the following information.

1. What exactly happens?
I have ebbing and flowing depression and anxiety, which are worse before and after my period. Sometimes I feel ok, and other times I feel to the point of suicidal, and this can ebb and flow rapidly, sometimes influenced by something that happens, others times not and hard to pinpoint why. I also have constipated and bad skin (acne) and lethargy and little will to do anything. Hard time sleeping also at times.

2. Describe all sensations and pains. Each pain or sensation should be described in such a way that allows us to imagine having the same pain.
I don't have a lot of physical pain really.

3. What causes the problem to get worse after it has started occurring?
Feeling as though I am unloved, uncared for, or slighted, for instance someone forgetting we had plans, or hearing about someone else who has a life I would love while feeling like everything is going wrong in mine. Also, worries about my son (who is on the autistic spectrum) and stress from upcoming social demands he will have and behavioral issues. Worries that he will never get better and that is he is not like other kids and it makes it hard for us to make playdates and form friendships with other families. Also desire to have another child, but worries that this child will be the same or more autistic, and that my husband, who is borderline Aspergers will not be a good dad and our family will fall apart. We are living with my mom because of financial issues and I worry that we will never have our own place to make our own. Also, I am lonely and have a hard time in the fall/winter months, I become MUCH worse. We used to live in a warm climate and the weather here has really taken a toll on me over the last year +. Also, feeling overly stressed with too much on my plate, or overly bored and lonely. Being neglected constantly by my husband (although I am used to this, and have taken to being alone a lot).

4. What creates some relief for the problem?
Warm, sunny weather, getting together by myself with a friend or couple of friends, solid deep sleep. Feeling like I am accomplishing something important, a good day with my son, where I have some hope for the future.

5. What triggers the problem into occuring?
Lack of finances, hormones before and after my period, shorter days during fall and winter, cold and rainy weather, loneliness, spending too much time alone, and too much time reading about too many things on the computer, feeling not grown up and autonomous because we are living in my mom's house, working for my FIL doing web content writing (who has Asperger's) and dealing with his lack of social skills and limited ways of thinking (which also makes me enormously worried about my son everytime I am forced to interact with my FIL).

6. What time of the day or night does the problem occur?
Mid-late afternoon, evening, night.

7. When did the problem start? What was happening in your life at that time? Did some specific event or treatment take place just before the problem started?
I would say I have felt this way most of my life. I don't know if this is true, but I may be able to trace it back to when my brother was born when I was just under 2? (I am the oldest.) I always got attention from my parents, but with the birth of my two brothers it was diverted, and I was always the one to get in trouble. My dad really took to my brothers and didn't seem to care as much for me. He had an anger problem and was very verbally abusive, as well as physically abusive until he died in a car accident when I was 14. (There are lots of other things, but I am trying to think of early ones...)

Move from one problem to the next, doing the same thing. IT IS VITAL THAT YOU GIVE A COMPLETE PICTURE OF YOUR HEALTH BY PROVIDING ALL PROBLEMS YOU HAVE, EVEN IF NOT CONNECTED TO THE MAIN ONE, AND EVEN IF YOU CONSIDER IT OF LESS IMPORTANCE.

I think the anxiety started from getting yelled at and punished when my dad would come home from work...I never knew when it was going to happen, but it could be over something as simple as there being lint on the carpet which enraged him. My mom would make me clean the whole bathroom over and over again if she found a speck of something on the mirror, which always made me feel like I could never do anything right, and just gave up and became an underachiever, which I still am today. I loved playing the piano as a child, but was a perfectionist, and enjoyed doing it for myself, but was very self-conscious. My parents, who were probably proud of me, would invite the neighbors over and force me to play for them, no matter how much I cried to them and told them I didn't want to. I once made a mistake and blew up at them in front of the neighbors and stormed upstairs.

You should address each problem separately using the above 7 questions as a guide. Do not put all your complaints into each of the 7 questions. Discuss one problem at a time. If you have, for example, a headache with nausea, do each component separately too (what makes the head pain worse or better, what makes the nausea worse or better).

As well as this, please describe any traumatic incidents that have taken place in your life. Discuss anything that has had a lasting impact on you mentally, emotionally or physically.

My father always paid more attention to my brothers than me, and at times seemed disgusted by me. I remember once I used my parents bathroom, and I must have had my period and there was a drop of blood by the toilet I hadn't noticed. My father lost it and started screaming at me to clean it up, telling me how disgusting I was. He would hit me with a belt at times, and he made fun of my butt and knees (which too this day I hate, and I will not wear shorts). He was doing this (as a joke, he said) on the day he died (was hit by a car during an early morning paper route - he had lost his job and was doing several small jobs), and I had told him, 'I hate you, I hope you die' and ran upstairs, the night he died. When the policeman and priest came to our door, I felt badly for my mom and brothers but this was overshadowed by my own relief at the fact that I was free from this man and would not need to eventually kill myself because of him.
I was very shy in school and had trouble making friends, I was often alone. We moved 4 times for my dads job and it was hard being the new kid. At the school we were in when he died, it was small and cliquish and the kids made fun of me (I also had very bad vision and wore thick glasses and was not very athletic). When my dad died I suppose they felt guilty and the teasing stopped, only to be replaced by superficially invites, and then being ignored for the rest of high school for the most part. I remember feeling very depressed and anxious and crying out to be noticed and cared for, but my mom had adopted a stoicism and continued to tell me I was 'dramatic, paranoid, and my perception of things was all wrong'. Basically that I was all wrong. My family went to counseling a few times until I brought up Dad's treatment of me, and the entire family shunned me, they only wanted to talk about how wonderful he was. I have never been close to my brothers, and my mom didn't hug me for about 10 years. I had a couple boyfriends who were no good for me, one cheated on me a lot, and the next we were codependent on each other. I went to the out of state college I did because he was there. We broke up soon after, and ended up having the state put restraining orders against both of us because of a misunderstanding we had that turned physical. Soon after that I met my now-husband and we were engaged after 6 weeks, married after 1.5 years. I was very scared about what I would end up doing after college (I earned a bachelors degree in psychology, but didn't know what I would do or feel in any way capable), and getting married gave me some relief, I thought I would be taken care of. My husband was used to not being accountable to anyone and would be out rising his motorcycle to 3am some nights, never calling, while I sat and cried and panicked, thinking he must be dead. Our communication was not good, and I felt unimportant. I took various office jobs from this time until the time I had my son 4.5 years ago and left the workforce to stay home with him. After 9 months, we took a vacation to California and loved it so much we ended up moving there, and lived there for almost 9 years. Soon into it, we were still not communicating well, and my husband would reject all my advances. I felt awful, and threw myself into diet and excercise which spiraled into an eating disorder of anaorexia, and then bulemia, and then binge eating (which I had always done to some degree, but never like this). (I didn't get my period for 2.5 years during all this). I kept telling him I needed help, and he kept saying we couldnt afford it and was angry at me that I would do this to him and just couldnt stop. Finally, I was admitted to an inpatient rehab program for 6 weeks, and again another 6 weeks, when I relapsed again. It was one of the best things that ever happened to me - I learned to make a lot of peace with people in my past who couldnt give me what I had needed and I learned to like myself for the first time.
Our marriage was off and on ok, but communication was still off and there was a lot of stress with work and such on both our parts. Sex life was, and has been, almost nonexistent. I got pregnant unplanned, and my husband didn't seem to know how to take it at first, and loves our son, but he was a very difficult baby and he hasn't always been there for him, as he has been working a lot, and now trying to start his own business for over a year. Our son screamed constantly all the time and we could never go anywhere. I felt as though he hated me and it was very, very stressful. All the new moms I knew loved being a mom, and once again I felt like I had done something wrong to deserve this. He had continued to wake up through the night for 4.5 years, and I definitely had some PPD and PTSD for s while after he was born. I didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time for the first year of his life. No one understood what I was going through, and I didn't know any other baby like this. I felt like it was all my fault.

A while after my husband was laid off, we ended up moving back to stay with my mom temporarily because of money, and had to sell almost everything we owned. We are still here with no clear idea of when we'll be able to leave, I so some work for husband's dad, but feel unmotivated by it. Before we left we ended up living with two friends, the first just said she was moving after 3 weeks and we had to get out, and then never talked to us again. Up to the point we moved out of our house, I had tried to make friendships for myself and my son, and was fairly happy with the way things were going. When our money troubles increased, I got a lot of criticism from a couple friends who told me I needed to leave my husband and then they told me to have a nice life, and they never talked to me again. This hurt me really badly and was a major blow to my efforts of trusting people. It has been hard for me to make friendships here, but I have a few. I still don't feel like this is our home, even if we didn't live with my mom, and mourn the area we used to live in every day. I know it wouldn't solve all our problems to go back, but none of us wanted to leave in the first place, and we all do much better without the massive change of seasons and the culture there. I am very lonely and homesick, last winter was awful, and I feel it coming on again.

to be continued...
[message edited by allicando on Wed, 25 Jan 2012 02:00:25 GMT]

Discuss the way that you manage or deal with your problems, or any problems that occur in your life.

I usually don't know how to deal with them. I probably bottle them alot, and end up having verbal outbursts toward my family. I spend a lot of time alone, distracting myself online. I have a hard time concentrating on anything important. In the past, I would use food to cope. I have never gone back to as bad as it was and I never want to, but I still do use food to deal with my boredom and loneliness and other emotions. I also try to pray, but usually this is a last resort.

Discuss any patterns you have noticed in your behavior especially concerning your disease.

Worse before/after period, I get really irritable and anxious for up to two weeks before my period, and then more depressed for about a week after. Eat more and am more tired and seriously depressed during the winter, start to lose hope.

Discuss any part of your life where you feel stuck or unable to change and grow, especially where this occurred around the beginning of your disease, or as the disease evolved.

I feel unable to move beyond obsessing about the face that my son has an autism spectrum disorder and feeling guilty because I married the man I did, so he got those genes, plus I took Prozac during the first trimester with him. I want more than anything for our whole family to be healed and am afraid to believe it is possible. I feel fatigued and lazy a lot, unable to focus on what I really need to focus on, or to concentrate. I feel incapable and unlikeable. I don't feel like a very good mom or wife. I feel unmotivated and scared that I will never be able to change. I want to be a dynamic person who makes a difference in the world, and I want a loving family. I don't want to feel so empty or lacking.

Describe your childhood and the kind of environment you grew up in, with reference to your relationships with your family, your school experiences, and any serious childhood diseases.
Other than what I mentioned above about my parents and kids at school, I don't remember a lot of my childhood and have blocked most of it out. This has happened beyond childhood too - I have a lot of parts of my life that I should have memories of but don't.

I discussed most of this above, but I didn't have any serious childhood diseases.

If your earlier discussions have not mentioned these already, please describe:

1. The specific foods that you crave (not just like) or hate
-Used to be sugar, now sometimes I crave salt. There is not a lot I really hate.

2. The specific drinks that you crave or hate
-Don't really crave or hate many drinks, I usually try to drink water.

3. What your sleep is like
I am tired a lot during the day and often feel like napping, sometimes it takes me a long time to fall asleep as my mind will not shut off and I feel worried. Sleep is not usually restful, and often interrupted by my son's night terrors or hand/foot cramps. He also gets up pretty early so I don't usually get to sleep in, although I would every day if I could. I tend to be more of a night owl.

4. How the weather and the temperature affects you
I feel the best in a climate that is warm but not too humid, cold and damp climates and weather really bother me, and the winter really affects me negatively. My face gets really dry and patchy, and my depression goes through the roof.

5. What kinds of things in the environment you are particularly sensitive to
Noise (I like peacefulness and relative quiet, although this has gotten better), emotions (I respond well to warm positive emotions, but if the emotional temperature is negative, it greatly affects me and I take it on), music (music can bring me to tears or it can make me want to dance).

6. What your general level of energy is like
Very low, I try to exercise 30 minutes most days during the week, but a lot of times this seems like an enormous effort and I have been slacking as the fall is coming on. I spend a lot of time lying down.

7. What your level of sexual energy or desire is like
I have a pretty low libido. There might be one or two days during the months where it is up a little bit. I don't really feel attracted to my husband.

8. Describe your menstrual cycle
Usually every 28 days or so, lasting 4-5 days (although it was 10 days last month, this is unusual, this month it was 4 again). Heaviest on 2nd day then tapers off.

9. Also give these details

a) Body type and build
Average I would say, I am 5 feet 7 inches tall and around 140 pounds. I have short wide feet, and a very curved lower back (goes in a lot from the side). My shoulders are proportionate to my hips in width, my waist is narrower. My thighs are somewhat large, my calves are small proportionate to the rest of my body.

b) Skin colour and texture
Medium-fair - always acne on my face and sometimes neck, chest, and upper back. Large pores on my hands and feet. I have a lot of cellulite (and large areas of it) on my butt and thighs, some on my stomach as well.

c) Areas of the body tends to perspire on
Lower back mostly, and armpits.

d) Odour of sweat, body, stool, flatus, urine
Not sure what my sweat smells like...I used to smell like rising bread in the spring and the winter (during seasonal changes, I thought I was overrun by yeast!), my stool and flatus smell bad, but different depending on whether I am constipated or have diarrhea. My urine doesn't smell like anything.

e) Colour of stool, urine, sweat
Stool can range from dark brown to orange (and can be both, starting from constipated brown to looser orange), I have also seen in light tan or green depending on what I have eaten. My urine is usually light yellow unless I am dehydrated.

10. Give any reactions to vaccines or medical drugs.
Don't know of any.

. Trapped - I wonder if I have made the wrong decisions in my life leading me to wear I am now, I feel like my husband doesn't love me (although I know he does), and that we are in a hopeless situation (living with my mom and not enough finances for our needs) and I am incapable of changing things. Also having a child with special needs is hard as well. I just want to run away sometimes and start over, but I can't.

2. Explode - Sometimes the stress of everything is too much and I just start yelling at my husband or son as a protective mechanism, I am feeling vulnerable and attacked and trying to create some space around me. When I get heated, he responds in kind, and I wanted him to recognize that I need some time, but he doesn't, so I get irrational and louder, to try to create the space. It rarely works, usually just makes things worse, but I feel that I have no other outlet for my emotions.

3. Suicidal - Get to the point where I feel so hopeless about life and our situation and myself ever changing that I feel like I just want it all to end. I feel a lot, but can't place it, and want to stop feeling that way. I just want the pain to stop. I don't think I would ever really do anything, but when circumstances exceed my perceived abilities to cope, I fantasize about it as a way to escape.

4. Lonely - Lack of friends to spend time with that really understand me, I spend a lot of time alone, my husband is always on his computer and checked out, I long for human interaction and contact, and feel like such a loner and like this is my fault, I picked my husband (prob because I didn't WANT to fully connect either or know how to), and so now I am alone because of it with no hope for any different. Lack of a support system.

5. Hopeless - Lack of belief that things will change, that there are better things ahead. Feel like I an incapable of doing anything to change the course of my life.

6. No friends - No close friends who know everything about me, it is hard for me to make connections. I learned how to a certain degree, and then had friends turn against me, which hurt a lot. I don't feel invested in where we are living now, and haven't made as much of an effort. Plus I think people won't like me, or want to hang out with me and my child, and I never know how to explain him because I feel badly when he won't play with other kids, and don't want to have to feel that way or make excuses for him. I also don't want to have to tell everyone in the world that he has Asperger's all the time, and it is almost too hard for me to say most of the time.

7. Friends turn against me
I had several situations before we moved where close friends didn't agree with me staying with my husband while he tried to start a business rather than took another job as an employee and basically dropped me as a result rather than maintained the friendship and our kids friendships. One never even so much as told me why but just stopped talking to me one day. So this is a specific thing to me, I don't think that in general people would have a reason to dislike me or turn against me.

8. Dream of the Incredible Hulk chasing me
This was when I was a child, I think he personified my dad, and I was terrified of him and trying to escape from him. It never happened after he died.

9. Personal space
Emotional space, to work through things in my head, or distract myself on the internet, etc. I am introverted by nature and when something is bothering me and I don't know what it is or don't know what to do about it, I usually retreat and find some sort of distraction.

10. Overwhelmed
Unable to cope with everything life throws/ has thrown my way. Panicky, anxious.

11. New situations
Not sure what I was referring to here, I don't necessarily love new situations, but usually do ok in them, but new situations with my son are a different story, I am anxious for weeks about birthday parties and other things with him, as to how he will react and how much of a scene we will cause, and just dreading how awful I will feel seeing just how different he is from the other kids, and how sad. It always feels like a punch in the gut, and I never feel strong enough to take it.

12. Too many people
Again, not sure what I was referring to...I used to be anxious around lots of people I don't know, and I still can be, but I usually do alright. My son is a different story, and I am way MORE anxious with him in these situations, see the above question. It really puts a hamper on our social life, which is bad for me.

13. Homesick
I feel homesick for our home in California. Not the physical house, but the friendships we had (even the ones who shunned us, but we still have some who didn't), the weather, the things we did as a family, our life there.

14. Unable to provide for your son
The money I make barely covers his needs and my husband is hardly making any either as he waits on some VCs to invest in his business idea. I am worried that this won't happen, and if I end up having to provide for my son on my own I don't know how I'm going to do it. As it is, we have given up so much for my husbands dreams/ ideas/ what he feels is his calling, and my husband needs some major dental work and I feel badly always having to say no to my son for things others kids have. There is so much he needs and so many services I want to be able to provide him with to better his life.

15. Unattractive
I am tired of having all these pimples that turn into huge scabs and ruin the look of my face, constantly. I have wrinkles and pimples at the same time and this is not fair...

16. Don't look at me
Same reason as number 15, I always have some major problem spots on my face that make me feel too self-conscious.

17. No-one cares for me
Because of the way my husband neglects me and his priorities, also it always seems like everyone else has other friends and I often get ignored...in social situations I often notice people paired up in conversations while I sit there awkwardly.

18. Open up to people
I have been hurt a lot by people in the past, I don't often want to hang out when I feel my face looks awful, but when it doens't its easier to hang out and talk, I feel like I can't fully open up to others or they will confirm that everything is my fault and I'm not sure I could handle that.

Space to me means freedom to not be constrained, inhibited, caged in. With enough space you can be yourself, and there are no infringements upon that, the best version of yourself. Making space is making time for yourself and the things that make you happy and bring you joy and a sense of freedom. Having no space is suffocating, like drowning. People always trying to take from you, impose upon you, tell you who you are. Hate it.

Traps - A cage, 4 walls, a box. Things that hem you in and are the opposite of freedom. I think of these little wire things that my parent used to use to catch mice - they would put in some cheese or something enticing and the mouse would run in and the door would slam shut behind them. I guess part of what makes a trap worse is seeing what is on the other side but being unable to reach it. Knowing there is something better.

Escape - To run away from, to get away from some situation or circumstance. Escape can be good, like a vacation, or it can be negative, like trying to medicate oneself into a stupor or checking out emotionally. Also, the strong pull to freedom.

I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop with my father, he had a lot of unresolved issues from his childhood and could be emotionally volatile. I remember him chasing me into my room, I shut and locked the door and he opened it with a sharp knife. I was terrified I what he might do. Once he was laughing at me as a small child when I had got in trouble. I asked him what was so funny and he said he was imagining beating me to a bloody pulp. He often said things like that. He also yelled at me and spanked me in front of friends I had over, so I never brought over friends anymore. Never invited anyone over as a kid, even though my brothers did. Fear of humiliation.

Retreating - Going into oneself, trying to burrow into a deep dark place for safety.

Fully opening up - Blooming, like a flower, displaying full radiance to the world.

Thank you again, so much. I often feel guilty like I am doing the wrong thing. I never want to hurt anybody but often end up hurting those closest to me by being unable to deal with all this sometimes, and then it makes it worse.

I do feel extremely isolated. I have for as long as I can remember. I don't know why I never had the chance to feel like a normal child. This makes me sad.

would say freedom is the ability to be ourselves without unnecessary inhibitions either put upon us from others or ourselves, the ability to do what brings us happiness and joy, to surround ourselves with those we love and who love us, and be free in giving and receiving love...definitely freedom from mental instability, and the ability to be able to roll with the punches and face up to whatever challenges life brings my way and do so in a positive manner, using every challenge as a blessing in disguise and an opportunity for growth and change. Being resilient.

I guess the first image that pops into my head seems kind of silly but is one of running with abandon through a field of wildflowers on a sunny day...feeling the wind on my face...just feeling alive I guess.

From brisbanehomoeopath on Try an image for freedom that doesn't include you in it.

Um...the same field of wildflowers on a sunny day, or dolphins jumping in the ocean...

From brisbanehomoeopath Describe the experience of dolphins jumping in the ocean

Two of them jumping together, side by side in the wide open ocean, swimming and then coming up for air and jumping again...

Do you mean what it feels like to be them?

Exhilarating? I don't really know how else to answer this, sorry...

From brisbanehomoeopath
Ok I can't get you any deeper that way. This forum is very restrictive in helping people go further.

What conflict do you have with Freedom in your life? What inhibits your Freedom?

Sorry, I'm not trying to restrict it - maybe because there is no face to face interaction it is harder to read what I mean. I've never had anyone ask me these questions before so its hard to answer, and of course I know its not very private on a forum, but its even more obvious with someone having jumped in my thread...;) I will try to do my best anyhow! Maybe I am just not very deep or good at understanding my own experience of feelings? Sometimes I am not sure how I feel, just that I feel awful. Like a bad sensation in my chest.

guess I feel constricted because of lack of stability - in my emotions, in my family, in my finances, that I am living with my mother who has always been critical and not very supportive of me, so I feel like a child who can't do anything right. There are many things I would love to do and I don't have the material means or the luxury of doing them - my son has extra needs and my husband does not understand my needs. These are the things I feel are inhibiting my freedom. I have to be a strong emotional support for my husband and son when I am falling apart emotionally and have no one to care for and support me emotionally. That is really it. Even if all circumstances were aligned, I would probably feel trapped in my own head, unable to get past feeling like a worthless incapable person. I haven't ever really been in a supportive situation long enough to really figure myself out and be able to support others, but I am expected to anyway. 12 weeks in a therapeutic program was the closest I ever got...and without that I would not even be close to where I am today (most people think I am a calm strong person, I have been told...)

From brisbanehomoeopath
It's not your fault. The way I move people deeper in clinic is to pay attention to gestures, pace and tone of voice, and other unconscious signs that are directly observable. Here I have to rely on typed words - very tricky.

That is still good though - that helps.

Can you give me any reoccurring dreams you have or have had? Any images or themes that come up in dreams?


don't seem to remember my dreams much, sometimes if I am imagining having a home I might have a dream about how that would be.

When I was a child I had the recurring dream about getting separated from my mom in the supermarket and being chased down the aisles by the incredible hulk. I also (when I was a child) would have a recurring dream that my parents (one or both, not sure) wanted me to wait in the car, we were getting ready to go on some errand. So, I got in the car to wait for them (at that time it was parked on the street in front of the house), and before they would come out, the car would start going on its own and I was in it all by myself with no way to control it. Helpless. I always woke up before something happened, like crashing or anything. Also used to have a recurring dream of falling and I would wake up in bed with a jolt before I hit the ground in my dream. Also when I was a child I would sometimes imagine while I was falling asleep (which would turn into sort of a dream) that I was floating through the night sky on a mattress, and other mattresses were floating by...it was kind of relaxing and I liked it. Sometimes I could control the way the mattress was going, sometimes not, it was fun though.

I used to also have dreams within dreams within dreams, where I would have a dream that had elements that were odd or scary so I would know I was dreaming, open my eyes REALLY wide in the dream (I used to do this during scary dreams as a kid and usually I would wake up), and wake up only to be in a different dream. I had to do the eye thing like 5 times once, that's how deep into these weird dreams I was.

I used to be able to sometimes control what would happen in my dreams...it I realized I was dreaming, I would try to stay in the dream as long as I could and sometimes do funny things that I know I could never do in real life...like...fly through the air, and freeze time and things like that. I always liked those sorts of dreams.

From brisbanehomoeopath
There is a number of themes though - flying, falling, chasing.

So lack of stability restricts your freedom? I don't really understand how - can you explain that to me? Is that the thing that takes your freedom from you? How would stability give you freedom?

Could you define stability for me then?

This is good, because you are leading me away from the assumptions I made originally, which means we are getting closer to the truth.

Good homoeopathic case-taking is almost exactly like good counselling. It is an exploration of the real experience of the person, and should help the patient to attain more awareness of themselves, even without a remedy.


Because I don't have emotional support or a stable base from which to explore life if you will...I guess I feel the lacking of a stability I never had. I never built up confidence from having anyone believe in me, so I have a hard time believing in myself, and I put myself in situations that I can use as an excuse to not take charge of my life because I don't know how. Does that make sense? Probably not.

I must not be explaining myself well. I have never had to answer so many questions about myself before.



From brisbanehomoeopath
Lol it is worse when you are actually with me - I am questioning your movements, the way you speak - it is quite exposing for people I know. My homoeopath does it to me as well.

So your problem is not a lack of freedom, but a lack of stability, lack of confidence, lack of ... automony?
[message edited by allicando on Wed, 25 Jan 2012 01:41:31 GMT]

I just am not sure how to explain my basic problem or conflict so that you will understand it if I don't even...isn't it just easier to say I get anxious and depressed and tired, etc...of course it is...;)

Yes, I guess I don't really have an issue of freedom per so, because no one is physically forcing me to not do anything, although I don't have a lot of freedom to do many things because of a lack of finances. I guess when I've felt that I want to run away, it is more that I want freedom from responsibility?? Maybe that is it. But I don't really, I am just scared of having any responsibility. Like I feel incapable. I don't know that I am capable, and even if I am, my emotions have always fluctuated so that they screw up any responsibility I ever have or could have. My lack of confidence and maybe autonomy is a good word for it?

Stability, aside from a stable place to live and a steady amount of finances to take care of necessary things, which are important to me, although I am not very materialistic, I would say the most important part of stability is a family that loves me and supports me and vice versa. That believes in me, and shows me this, and I don't doubt it when I am not with them and I am able to make decisions on my own and feel confident in being an adult, knowing I can take care of things and deal with life without retreating or feeling like it is too hard. Edit Post Report post to moderator Re: Feel like giving up...From allicando on 2011-10-11Ok...this is totally weird and horrible...but I used to think that everything was too hard, I wished I could just live in a trailer on a mountain somewhere, watch trash tv all day and eat cheetos and cookies in bed and get morbidly obese. And I wouldn't care, and no one else would care because no one else would even know I existed. It would be easy. (but not really) Like opting out of life?

Geez, doesn't that sound terrible? I have not thought that way for a while, but that's how I used to think before I really started making an effort...I would never tell anyone that, except the hundreds of people who will read it on this forum, ha.

I have always wondered what was wrong with me, like I am missing some fundamental piece of hardware that everyone else seems to have, like a resiliency chip or something? I don't know what it is. There is something missing though and it has caused me a lot of problems over the course of my life. I have no idea how else to describe it. There is just something wrong with me. And no one would ever know it by meeting me and talking with me...I seem pretty 'normal'...maybe a little witty, sometimes shy. But its always there (or not there) to me.

I have seen various psychologists and psychiatrists throughout my life, but there was one (crappy) psychiatrist who actually said to me, 'You're an attractive girl. What could you possibly have to be depressed about.' That was the first and last visit. I majored in psychology in college mostly so I could figure myself out, which is why I had no idea what I was going to do when I graduated. I still hadn't figured myself out yet. Four years was not nearly long enough, so good luck to you. ;)

From brisbanehomoeopath
What does it feel like is missing? What would you need to be complete or to function better?

I think we are getting to the crux of your problem. This is very good.



It really is hard to know. A sort of risiliency (sp?) against being so effected by things I suppose...to not be hindered by external things that happen to me, not so sensitive to every little thing that is said or not said... maybe that would help me gain some internal strength and not be so tossed about my external things, to be able to forge ahead confidently in my life.

To not be so affected, to not be a victim? I don't think I come off as one and I don't usually think of myself as one, but deep down I really think life has not been fair to me and I don't know why other than I reason I must have done something or there must be something wrong we me in order to deserve suffering.

I really don't know...this is like the third night I haven't been able to sleep (son's nonstop night terrors have not been helping) and I am an exhausted non-functioning zombie right now.

From brisbanehomoeopath
So now we don't have a lack of something, but a feeling that you are too sensitive, too affected by things.

It is interesting, you have expressed your problem as first an animal one, then a mineral one, and now a plant one.

I will need to consider this a little more.



I very much think I feel a LACK of something, which in turn makes me sensitive and less able to withstand the challenges of life. I am just not sure exactly WHAT that lack could be, it could be any number of things I suppose...I am just not sure I am able to get to the root of it...

I am too complicated.

From brisbanehomoeopath
If I look over the whole case, I think the issue is much more a mineral one at its core - something is missing, lacking or broken in me, and all problems stem from that.

What is lacking appears to be stability, independence, the ability to stand on your own two feet with confidence.

The ability to stand on your own two feet, is a feature of Row 2 on the periodic table, the Carbon group. It is very specifically a theme of the element of Carbon itself (called Graphites in our literature).

However there is a little more here than that.

Can you talk a bit more about 'responsibility'.

Also a bit more about being 'incapable'.




Responsibility is something that is a burden.

I am incapable of shouldering the burden on others when I can barely shoulder my own burdens.

I am pretty emotional, I feel things more then I think them.

This is my personality type if that would help:

INFP
www.personalitypage.com/INFP.html Edit Post Report post to moderator Re: Feel like giving up...From allicando on 2011-10-12This might also help:

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFP_per.html

This type pretty much fits me to a T.

From brisbanehomoeopath
Give me examples of where resonsibility is a burden. It doesn't have to be from your life. If a person has a responsibility that is a burden, what kind of responsibiity is that? How does that burden affect them? What does responsibility mean exactly?

You are doing really well please don't feel that you are not. This level of interogation is quite normal in homoeopathy.

The problem with those kinds of profiles you linked to, is that they do not give the individual's unique differences, that allow us to choose a remedy. Putting people together because of some similarities is anti-homoeopathy really. They also tend to outline positive traits which are not useful to us at all. I am only interested in the problems, the 'disease' in a person's life.

Just looking at the list of weaknesses they give for this personality type, there are hundreds of remedies that could cover them. It is too psychological, and broad, to be useful for the level of precision we need in homoeopathy.

I just want to make the best choice for you.  




Ok. I really don't feel like there is much difference in me from those descriptions, I mean nothing that I cannot resonate with personally. But I will keep trying.

I guess I have always hated most of the jobs I have had in the past and viewed them as a burden, to be working for someone else doing things that have no meaning to me is a responsibility I feel is a burden. It is very difficult for me to keep trudging on when I feel like I am not contributing to something that has meaning. I have a deep need to find some work of importance, some difference I can make, and without that I feel like the menial tasks of life are overwhelming and pointless. It affects ME in that I feel like life just becomes trudging one step after another with my head down to just do what needs to be done, and that is difficult unless I see the point in it. Like carrying a sack of rocks aimlessly on your back, without a destination. I think responsibility can give you me great satisfaction, but it has to be the right kind for me. If I am helping others in some way on an ongoing basis, I am much more able to deal with the responsibilities of cleaning in a timely manner, cooking, dealing with my son's special needs, etc., without being worn out and exhausted, and I actually enjoy those things more. If I am not involved in something that is meaningful to be, then I tend to get overwhelmed and exhausted and have trouble dealing with the minutia of life, and things spiral out of control emotionally for me. I procrastinate, which leads to be being more overwhelmed, which leads to me being tired and depressed, which is a vicious cycle. It sounds counter-intuitive but that is what I have found in the past.

rom brisbanehomoeopath on 2011-10-12The remedy I would like you to get is Nat-carb 1M.

Use the same method for preparing the remedy I have got you to do with your son.

Take one dose only.

The reason I chose Nat-carb is the profound sense of loneliness that comes through in your description of your life. The great struggle of Nat-carb people is to be alone or not to be alone, to be independent from everyone, or to be dependent on those around them. Nat-carb rarely feels a connection to others, feels like there is a barrier between them and society, feels isolated.

All the Natrum remedies feel a strong sense of being forsaken, but Nat-carb specifically feels forsaken by their Father. Not only that, but there is often a history of being abused and/or neglected by their father (and often a feeling this happens in the broader community as well). This creates in them a sense of not having established a strong sense of self, or a set of values they can rely on, since it is often our Father that helps us to learn what is right and wrong in the world.

Interestingly, Nat-carb is one of the remedies we consider for Autism too - a sense of identity that is isolated and alone. Not your son, but your own feelings around his austism, which reflect your own inner struggles.

ow, that is very insightful.

I am constantly amazed by the complexity of homeopathy - truly traditional allopathic medicine has nothing like it. One must be extremely dedicated to the craft to use it successfully!

I really do resonate with that description you just provided. I felt particularly confused by my father and I do think the struggles my son has are particularly devastating to me because of my inner struggles with feeling isolated - I have often thought this is why I have such a hard time coming to terms with it, I just want him to be cured and when I see him having social troubles it is like a stab to the heart!

I think that is an excellent prescription for me. I would be surprised if that was not spot-on, but if it isn't, its about as close a description as I have come across! Thank you 1,000 times for your dedication, it is so rare.


Ok! I didn't know what to expect with water dosing as I have only used dry dosing with myself before. I actually was in tears last night, felt very lonely, and very angry with my husband for how I have perceived he has hurt me with his neglect over the past few years especially. I was homesick for where we used to live and had almost a tightness in my chest about it, a heaviness, and a sort of panic. I was very tired, but couldn't get to sleep until 2:00am and I had to take a melatonin to do it (I hope this wouldn't interfere with the remedy). I still feel tired today and pretty mentally fuzzy. I have felt all these things in the past though, on a fairly often basis, so I wasn't sure if it could be an aggravation (not as marked as in the past if so) or I just was noticing no change at all. Very hard to tell really. I wish I could say something different, other than, yeah this happens to me a lot...lol...but, that is why I am seeking out homeopathy in the first place...;)

For the past few days I have been very tired, and extremely so today. I came home and fell asleep after dropping off my son at school and slept so deeply that is was hard getting up to go pick him up again!

I have had somewhat of a headache and muscled aches, and just generally feel like it is too much effort to do anything. My limbs feel heavy and my mind feels cloudy. I am using the wrong words and generally feel like I'm in a fog.

I don't feel overly emotional right now though, just like I could sleep for a week or so. I have been much more patient with my husband over the last day or so, but every little thing my son says or does is seeming to irritate me and I have been obsessing more than usual the past few days (not as much today) that he will never get any better. This is the 5th day after, so I definitely think I am aggravating. I felt almost too drowsy and zoned to get on and even post, but figured I should!

Not sure if I am still aggravating or not...would this be possible 8 days out? I am not as tired as I was (but still tired), slept pretty well last night for the most part. I was very frustrated with my son today, he wasn't being bad but just hyper and loud and constantly wanting my attention while I was trying to work and I felt like I had no patience for that. I am very frustrated and angry/sad about our financial situation right now, which has been ongoing for several years. The ongoing stress has really gotten to me and I feel cheated of a normal life. Its hard to see other family members on Facebook going out and doing lots of fun things and enjoying time with their typical kids. I feel like its really not fair, although I know that life rarely is. Whenever I get asked to do something social that might involve money I almost always have to decline and its like a blow to my chest or stomach, a small amount of humiliation for always having to miss out and not being able to explain things to people as most people I know can't fathom the concept of how little we actually have. Just thoughts...


From brisbanehomoeopath
Go through all your symptoms and try to work out what is worse, what is better, and what is the same.



Sleep seems a little better.
Depression is better.
Anxiety seems a small bit better.
Loneliness seems better.
Acne is better (but started using a gentler soap, could be that).
Irritability is worse (but I have PMS right now I think).
Agitation is worse.
Becoming upset when I don't feel heard is worse.
Sensitivity to sound is worse.
Sadness seems worse.
Tiredness is about the same.


From brisbanehomoeopath
Still aggravating then. It is a long one but some people are like that. We will need to wait a few more days to see how things change. If you get stuck at this stage then another dose will usually get things going again.



I am very sensitive to homeopathic remedies (which is weird because I have usually been undersensitive to allopathic medicines). It doesn't feel like a terrible aggravation though. I actually felt pretty ok for most of yesterday. I would usually be starting to feel like this around now or before (its about 6 days before my period). So it could be PMS, I'm not sure that would be better yet after taking this only one time. I am not bloated though, I usually would be.