Unknown serious problem _{Page 5 of 11}

Hello team memmbers!

I am understanding like perhaps my discussions are making conflict among the team. I request you all respected members not to take my matter to cause conflicts.

You all are respectable for me because I have never talked to such kind of helpful people who are taking with my matter sincerely and from long duration from starting of thread.

I am extremely sorry if I have hurt to anyone. My living philosophy has been always to help others to the extent which i am able to do and thats why I liked yiu every team member.

Have great feelings for all😊

I am not understanding what to do. as I have faced many times in life, Again it is a moment where i have to decide 1 way out of the two.

This thing have made me remind the death case of my father, where opinions of two doctors were different to treat my father just for a single medicine to give or not, and the result was his death. I miss my father very much. There are very less in this world like him.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-20 15:59:31]

I have seen lots of ups and downs in my life but because of my parents' faith in God and their only presence was a great support for me. Based upon my experience in life, I believe now honestly there is no so called God. Only the humanity is all over the world as a hope, otherwise not any GOD. I hate the name of GOD whom my parents blindly believe.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-20 16:08:22]

*Request to all team members of this forum*

Whosoever will help me or will be angry and frustrated with my decision, I don't now what will happen to me or my life. But since I have a great responsibility on my shoulders after my father, I cannot go back at this stage. My health is now the hope for my family otherwise nobody is going to care for others in this today's world?

I am going to share you all my history, which will helpful to any of this forum members to help me. It's your chance now whether to help me or leave with all of the self good or bad attitudes.I don't want to leave even a single hint for my proper and fast treatment.

I can change myself but not the others.

Again having request to all for cooperate, not to put self in conflicts. At sure, whosoever will fix my problem, I will always be grateful to each forum member and whenever my life give an opportunity , I will meet all of you, I respect all. That I have learnt from my parents and free from any kind of selfishness, My Guru.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-20 16:27:06]

Lifetime I used to think that I will never hurt anyone but my fate always arranged the situations where I had hurt somebody unknowingly, even I don't wanted to do that, never.

Hello Drs!

I want to wait for few days before taking any decision and meanwhile I want to share past of my history to both of you. Whosoever will I choose to treat me, it is the matter of later time. But, whatever information I will share here will be helpful to both of you in the perspective of my treatment.

So, if both of you are agree and having no issues in that, I would like to request you to do this favour for me.

I will not take too much days for that.

regards
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-21 02:29:42]

I am also eager to know if some cause of my disease came to in my information. I have been always a good explorer and willing to go to the depth of truth of every thing in my life.

So, sending next phase of information to you.

At first, want to add some below 10 years.

Fear of falling down when observing downwards from a height.

Now, between 10 to 15 years:

Perhaps ,a little problem of behaviour started while studying in class 8th. I didnt except anybody to touch my things and if someone touches ,i used to make it clean personally, wanted to arrange my books or things in a specific order.

around age of 15, as this was the edge of harmonal changes in body , i came to know that there is some attraction in mind to opposite sex. Generally it was in my mind and never talked in this concern to anybody.I also keep away myself from girls (didnt know why) and mostly avoid to talk them.

15 to 20 years:

between 15 to 16, came to know I have intense sexual desire in me. Sometimes, used to make air castles in my mind regarding sex. It was automatically appearing in life. There was no such of wrong environment around me at home or in friend circle, but why it was so, I didnt now and I never shared it to someone.But because of excess thinking of sex in mind,perhaps I wasted my semen a lot, I think, but there was no other bad habits or health issues in me.During this tenure , if sometimes, night fall or semen discharge happens, I immediately used to take bath in cold water.

In my age uoto 20 years, I always took bath in cold water, even in winter also and nothing felt problamatic in nerves or muscles.

When was studying in 11th, An OCD like issues generated in mind like washing hands, cleaning and arranging my things too many times, looking something done properly, repeated times ; like locking door, closing Lpg cylinder knob in kitchen etc so many little works in house, I used to check repeatedly.I was not confident wahtever I did in routine.Also was distracted from study due to this issue. Academic performance seemed to go slight down.

Any way, I found my own way to control it with talking to my family members. That time never consult a doctor and based upon my self will power, I controlled this problem of mine within 1 year at self.

Now the time of age 18, my so called dangerous year which I think, even till today, the biggest mistake of my life, that exercise.

I was studying in class 12th, I committed to remove my OCD behaviour by yoga and exercises. So, in this series of efforts, One day in oct.month, I read a newspaper, SURYA NAMASKAR ASANA and its all steps.

I naturally was inclined to yoga and meditation like things and these used to attract me to learn.But till that age I was completely unknown from How to behave and deal with outer selfish word. My world was my family and me.

Also, in class 11, I came to live with my parents , due to higher education, but the house of my parents and matrinal grandparents was not so far and often sunday, I had to go to meet them.

So, coming to the Surya namskar.

Without asking someone how to do it, I started the surya namskar in morning daily. Perhaps 5 or 6 days gone, I was feeling some streching in muscles of my hands and shoulders.

There is a posture while doing surya Namaskar, BHUJANGASANA posture, in continuity of all steps . I unknowingly made some harsh efforts in that posture in moment, did the pushup like pose and uplift my neck backwards in continuity.

A great loud sound was heard by me like my my bone has broken . Sound was KAADAAAAK type and immediately I felt like a nerve suppressed in my right ear , internally, just near my jaw. And a pain started to appear in my right side of- head,ear, near nose and eye joint, an alignment in throat and along right shoulder blade.

The pain was so severe that I couldn't sleep even at night. I Went to allopathic doctors, changed many doctors after some timeduration also, as there was no improvement, My MRI of neck, brain , Xray, all reports were done. No doctor told that there was something wrong. Everybody told all is ok in body.

Since my problem was increasing day by day, someone told to do continue the same exercise again to get recover, some doctor gave painkillers and took the dose till 650mg and higher, some treated me blindly with no cause medicines, some gave me jerks in my neck to set the unbalanced muscles, bla bla bla.... nothing worked.

3 years passed, many types of treatments, acupressure, acupuncture, physiotherapy, all in vain, everyone treating blindly.

By the time, my nape and backhead mucles were feeling very weak and pain was going down along my right spine and reached to lower back, From there to my right testicle and right thigh joint and then upto my right leg and toe and right thumb and index finger.

An untrained doctor injected me a liquid in my throat and left shoulder for rheumatism treatment. (just few days ago , someone told that it might be steoroids liquid, I don't know)......

story is remaining...


[A request is there, whatever I am sharing to this forum now, is open to the homoeopathy practicenours but must be kept secret from other patients in the forum.]
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-21 10:18:50]

So, the above painful condition remained till the age of 20 years.


Now, the description From the age of 21-25 years, giving below:

Although my academic performance went slight down in 11 and 12 class of study,but I recovered my learning soon and got 89% in the entrance exam of university college at the start of age of 21.
I know, even when I was giving my last paper of entrance exam, there was severe pain in nerves of my right side of head, internal ear, jaw and throat and shoulder.

Actually the intensity of my problem was for 24 hours in those starting years but the pain intensity could vary i.e. increase or decrease, (but don't remind now, how much and when).

My maternal grandpa passed away those days when I had been alloted a college for further studies. He took care of me very much when I was living with him , but alas ,I couldn't serve him as well.

My college life started with no enthusiasm as the problem was going severe.Meanwhile,
the pain along right side track vanished and there I started to feel weakness along my right side track (above mentioned) and simultaneously a tighteness started to form in my left- head, shoulder, throat and jaw (which is now upto my left leg, hand, testicle and spine).

I had been an intelligent student in my school life but my college life and academics was ruined by my pain but still I passed college education with average marks within time.

During this duration of years, my parents were also going to be frustrated because of no solution finding of my problems. They spent lots of money for my treatment but soon they were going give up an emotional support to me what I wanted from them.

Nobody's life stops due to a problem of a person. "No one is there for someone in this world, Every relation is based upon selfishness", soon I was going to realize this scenario in my life.

In my college life, I was suffering with my pain so limited friends were there and average study was going on. Few friends show me a bad track of life- porn during those years. Further, whenever I was too much suffered from my pain and problems, I found an imotional support in porn and in thinking of air castles of sex. The worst passage captured that time, I feel now it was. When I was in second year of my college life,I felt my mind and body were going weak. In last year of my college, my parents started to find a bride for me as I was going to complete my education, but I was not in favour of that . I was willing first to get rid of my health issues than marriage. But no one listened to me. Even, they used to travel longer to find my bride even while I was suffering in pain in my head and neck nerves. But , society was first for them. Gradually, due to different thoughts of taking life decisions, soon I was in conflict with my parents but there was a fear in mind that if I didn't follow them, i could be thrown out of the house because I was not earning anything. Sometimes they used to told me such harsh words in this marriage concern that My feelings were suppressing day by day and parents started to go on their way further. (Although , I know my parents are good in nature but think what happend to them at that time ?)
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-21 11:02:27]

Till the edge of 25, I was very linked with worship of God, even enjoy to remember him, to worship him. According to our riruals when you call your god to show you the right path and call for help, he helps you in any form.

Ridiculous! completely ridiculous!!

when I call for him, pray him, wept too many times to show me the light what and how to do , there was no reply. Even when in later years of my life, I was in worst condition, nobody was there to help, even not the family members also.

Finally, I decide why to call for someone whi never listens you. Instrad of this If I serve the human and humanity , that is much better than worshipping so called fake God.

I believe in to help the human beings now. Having a faith in Vanished God makes you dependent and it make you feel that there is nothing with you. A religion makes a man either weak or fearful, that is the todays scenario. How can I beleive on someone if I have never met or talk to him? or he never gave any response?

Now , I do nothing in the name of God. Even I like to help anyone in need because i have that kind of good nature. Although, some persons took the advantage of my helping nature also, but doesn't matter if i am satisfied to do that. However it can irritate me for some time but my temper remains for too short time and again I am as am I.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-21 14:57:25]

I have put the images of my MRI in my earlier threads, if you find ,otherwise please let me know if have to post again.


Age 26 to 30 years:

Finally, in the age of 24, under the forcing of parents I went to meet somewhere with parents to meet a family in convern of my marriage.
There, I met that girl, talked to her and decided for marriage after talking to her and my sister.

But "Truth pays always against you😄" .

I told that girl about my pain in nerves of neck and head in my first meet,since I didn't want to cheat a girl who can be my life partner. I was spending my life as such I am in love with someone, listening to romantic songs, feelings were being for a bright future with full of love and so.
Although, my problem of health had not gone but I was ok with it as I didn't hide it from the girl.

2 months passed and I came to know that girl shared my health issues with his father and you can think what would happen. His father tried to search about me and found excellent feedback in society for me, but...I didn't have a Govt job, that was my lacking.

I also was in favour for first to get some good Job as well as good health and then go ahead for marriage. but You are.not alone., there are many to finalize where your life will go, of course you are also a part of that.

2 years later, in my age of 26, that girls father again come for a search of my job and replied nothing again. Meanwhile in 2 years I was tortured to go here and there to select my bride but I had choosen the one. But that type of decisions are done OK from both sides, not one sided.

And later on, my parents forcefully tried to arrange my marriage some other place, where i Forbided later and hurt a girl, I feel even today, that was a again a worst circumstance for me that I hurt somebody because I was not ready to marriage there.

Too much harsh words were told to me, family environmemt got disturbed for months and the process if finding bride remains continue due to obstinate efforts for my marriage by mother. Finally, to get rid of all the things, without thinking too much about my future, I got ready for marriage . Everyone in family was happy except me who was in dillema. I also talked to that girl but normal things not about my health. after all i wanted to releave my pressure of thoughts by letting free to others what they are doing..

Marriage done. It was becoming very difficult to me to deal with my life, my life partner and around 1 year I was living just like I was a person completely frustrated and with broken heart.
I will never forget that my new.life partner bare everything but was in support to me to make the things better. Also, she missed many times his father (passed away before 1 year around). Both me and she were living a tensed, complicated and confusing life.

Hat's off to my life partner to not leaving me , even in such problamatic situations. I feel guilt myself now what.I did that time. Really, I feel I have done some such mistakes in my life that I cannot forgive myself for. But what to do with my feelings. Now, I take care of all of my family, my child, my spouse, my parents but still feel self as I am living an incomplete.and compromised life. It must never be happen, but if had happen, then How I change.myself completely.and 100% ? So called God never prohibit to happen that.

will continue.after some time

My wife also faced a difficult life just because of me after marriage and due to losing her father before marriage.

I am not only who suffered the life, everyone is suffering and trying to reduce his/ her pain by doing different efforts. Somebody catch path to make the life of others difficult and someone makes self life difficult. Really! life is not fair for most of the people in world.One who bears can feel the pain of others.

Ok. One thing I want to add in the duration of age 24 to 26. A real Teacher, I call him My GURU appeared in my life. My fathers friend took me to him in relavance of my health issues, that was still torturing me. First time in my life, I felt that I had found whatever I was in search for. Search for Truth of life, of this world. He was completely different from other people, living a simple life, around age of 65 to 70, perhaps. He taught me the tricks and process of doing meditation and pranayam. He was free from any type of selfishness, never demanded something for self. He used to believe in giving only not to take, but for meditation he had to choose a candidate carefully and after an examination as a right teacher takes to select a right student. I felt proud that I was one of the lcuky person to whom he train and educate for meditation. He was also a FamilyMan but too simple in nature.

There, a hope was invoked in me to get something I desired. Within 1 or 2 month, I felt something like miracle in my body and got such few phenomenal experiences in my body, while doing meditation, that I am still missing those moments.Such moments when you experience, nothing other things will remain to get in life and there is a feel of elf satisfaction in itself. No need for the things for which this blind world is running day night.

But, what was my badluck, he passed away within 2 years suddenly.A great teacher and Guru , I had lost. Further, whenever after learning of meditation, I tried to do meditation and to concentrate at the centre between eyes (keeping eyes closed), something problamatic had happened everytime like something stucks in my throat(Adam's apple) whenever I tried to concentrate and it made a sound which a nearby person also can listen. Even, at an instant one told also to me that what makes a sound in your throat?

Remember, this issue was linked to my prolonged jerk problem that I feel. And as the time passed, It became difficult to me to deep breathe and unwillingly, I had to left my medition practice due to tjose issues. The time hurt me ,once more.

Let's continue.. age between 26 to 30. After marriage, one side I was suffered from my health issues and on other side I was not taking interest in my married life, not even in sexual life after marriage.Sometimes tried but was frustrated from life, not succeded in sexual life also. when I had not a child in 3 years after marriage, parents took me to concerned doctors, even to the psychiatrists, but the medicines whatever they used to give me never treat me , even my problems were rised dramatically due to those medicines. I was fully tired from taking this and that medicines and health issues were increasing (especially near Adam's apple, where I felt something pinching painfully in troat by squeezing that part, whenever took those medicines) also whenever I took medicines of those doctors.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-21 17:43:48]

Remember, I was still having no job till age of 30.Neither I could do higher studies due to health issues nor a job.

Whatever I studied most of things I had forgotton. Yet, somehow I got a job in construction field, at a far location from home. The whole day,my body used to feel pain amd I could not stand for a long on my feet due to pain in legs and weakness in mind with some stretching in muscles in head.

[One thing I got remebered just now . When I got jerk djring exercise, after that for many months I felt as my jaws were dislocated and I always tried to adjust my jaws proper whole day by doing movement in musles of mouth, wasn't it strange? Agter few years,my feel of dislocating jaws, feel of shifting or bending of neck and adam's apple towards left became a permanent feel. Also my chest at left seems like swollen part near chest nipple]

So, during my job, I suffered from bad health and dropped it in 2 months finally.

Later, a cist like structure appeared on the top of my left shoulder, for which I consulted a surgen and he removed that by doing little surgery. He told me that there was only swelling internally in tissues and nothing other problem. Meanwhile, my maternal grandma, living with us, passed away after suffering of many health sorrows in life.

[My guru was also a well learned ayurvedic practitioner. At his time be check my wrist nerves and told me that my *Surya nadi* had been dried and too weak.and suggested to take Ashwagandha ayurvedic medicine. However, before I could discuss him more later he was no more]

Age 30 to 35:
Then, in the age of 32, I got again a job in construction field at far location. Till then ,I had become "used to" to my problem with feel of heavy left shoulder. I was there with my spouse for around one and half year and then left it as.my health was not supporting to me the routine of morning 6 AM to 10PM in my job.
Some little warts were going to develop around my neck and right armpit.

I left that job also and tried for other based upon my experience. My life was such that I am just alive but not living it. Although, during this time , I gradually felt a soft corner in my heart for my wife because for my problems , she was not responsible and was with me even in opposite circumstances. After that, again I did a new job but left again within a year with same health issues and longer timings. When in age of 34, I had a child. My mind diverted in some positive sense to this new born life. I was jobless at that time. Again 1 useless year passed in my career.

Then I captured a new job, not as per my educational expectation but wanted to start something instead of sitting like a useless fellow. Again office politics throw me out of the town after 2 years.
I reside there for an year lonely and with few good new friends with great support of them and apply in other concern near my home city. I was also residing there withoit family but since location was nearer, family members used to go and come there- my parents, spouse and child.

Age 35 to 40:
It was the time around 38 years of my age. I was accepting my family members. As I am going to settle in this job for future I was thinking of bright future in my family life with all members residing with me.
My problem was as it was, but I was living with loosing hope that it will never be cured now.Now there was no much complaints
in my mind for parents or wife and I was thinking good future. Now as I had.seen the reality of the world during my jobtime outside the town, A respect was automatically building up.in my mind foe my parents. I wanted to be them with me and wanted to do something for them.

Suddenly, when I was on 2 days official leave, My father was suffering some health issues like fever and vomitting. He was a dedicated , struggling and devoted person in life. He was a sugar and low BP patient but had maintained his life energetic without any medicine in this age of 70 above. I have been always helpful and careful fir the health of my family members since I know the great disadvantages of loosing health.

I saw in a youtube video that taking some little cinnamon is good for sugar patient. At that night, I, my mother and father took a ittle.cinnemon powder in milk and next day.my father had swelling in feet. Doctor's treatment was continue to him and test reports to be come on next day. This situation was also with some members in past few days due to chikanguniya fever.
Even my father was thinking of that fever. Till evening ,his swelling reacbre to face. There is nobody in medical field from family so all were unknown what is wrong with my father, even he doesn't tell about any problem. Doctor.didnt tell something wrong. On that day, fatjer took only little coconut water and.
nothing else. I was also busy in house work whole day. I saw his swelling in evening and told family to take care.and went with him to see doctor again with test report that were to come on next day.

I had to go nearby city to my job location next day. Nobody was expecting something serious is going to happen next day. On next day during teavelling, I received a call that father was serious having bluish colour on nails of hans and feet. His hands and feet were too cold. Immediately he was admitted in ICU but nothing good happened then. He had left us till late night.

Who was responsible for that?

I who didnt have little medical knowledge that swelling is a sign of kidney failure?

or the doctor who didn't tell any serious within time

or the doctors who treated them and left him lonely between their personal ego conflicts to give which medicine to him?

or my family members or father who werw.in suspense of chikanguniya fever ?

too whom I can blame? myself, because i was not aware that cinnemon, then after coconut water did something serously wrong with him to gave him Shock Hypoglycemia. I was not aware that swelling may be a symbol of kidney failure.

This time I had completely broken. What I was exoecting for future, what haooened to me. My dreams to serve him again had been snatched from me.

Who the hell is a GOD? Nothing.....He always make me an offender whenever I tried to be a caretaker. That is my mistake in the perspective of the so called fake God...

Since, my problem which I was carrying with me , made itself like a huge structure.

Nothing is left to say now, what am I facing at the part of health, you know all. I feel guilt for death of my father that why I gave him cinnemon? or coconut water? Why I hadnot a liitle bit knowledge of medical diagnosis ? why I blindly beleived that doctors will surely save his life. Just before 3 days, he was completely fine with no health issues....


3 years are going to pass from his death, but I couldn't forgive myself. I am not a such kind of bad son what the fake God or my badluck make the arrangements for....

Good night.

Life is not such a journey where whatever you will and do efforts for your ambitions and all will you find.

Life is that where you are willing to go somewhere and It will take you to elsewhere, it doesnt fair for none.

Whatever experiences in my life I have got; I have learnt that not only me, too many others are living their life without any enlightenment. No God is there to listen them or help them. One has to do his/ her own efforts.

This doesn't ends here. Even if you are good in attitude, mentality and behavior and always doing efforts for the betterment for self and others, there are many chances when you will commit mistakes unknowingly, not intentionally and then you have to pay for the worse results.

I don't know to live a life with 2 or many faces placed on my original one.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-22 03:23:11]

One thing I want to share related to my problem in head.

Yesterday, I had hair cut. Today, I massaged some mustered oil on head, half an hour before bathing. After bath, My respiration was feeling to me slight uneasy from nostrils but little helpful through mouth. After some time, my legs started to pain with some vertigo in head.

Why am I sharing this? This is not the first time . Few year ago from now, whenever I used to massage any kind of oil on scalp, I always felt the same situation with some feel of trembling hands and pain with heaviness in top head internally.

If I use to massage mustered oil on scalp it makes me feel little warmth and burning senstion in head with some vertigo.

If I use coconut or olive oil to massage on scalp, it feels to cold in head and muscles of hands, legs and spine with spasms, also with some vertigo.

That's why I had left the application of oil or massage to scalp from few years. Now ,If I use hair oil sometime , same thing happens. Although massage of mustered oil in other body part makes me feel soothing and relaxed but not suits on head.

Even if rainy cold water falls on my head in season of rain, it happens also that time with a sudden respiration problem.

Soon I am going to share you something else of my interest or dislikes. A comparison between life of early childhood and now. I am not taking my mid years life in this.
[Edited by vrihad on 2019-04-22 07:13:36]