severe depression

Hello,

Thank you very much for your reply.

My dad passed away when I was six, he had cancr about which he did not tell my mom.

My brother passed away when I was eight.

My mom remarried and came to Canada but my step dad was abusive towards her, they divorced.

I had a bf who wanted to marry me to come to Canada. I broke up with him years ago. He was also verbally abusive to me just like my step father.

I am 34 years old, single woman. I have no desire to marry.

My mom lives with me.

My mom is always worried about my future. On the other hand, I am always worried about my mom.

She worries what is going to happen to me when she ....I think the same if I die then how will she survive.

People back home (in India) have always taken advantage of my mom's kind nature.

I get nightmares that people who were not nice to us in India are doing bad things to us.

I don't have any bad habits. I don't smoke , drink or club. I do drink diet coke, sometimes 2-3 cans a day. It makes me feel relax.

I don't have friends here , people want to become my friends but I do not desire them.

I have joined some social groups. When I feel like, I go for movies or hobbies but I don't want people to know me after the meetup is over.

I do have school friends from India connected to me via facebook.

I always try to avoid strangers, I feel that they are judging me or they are going to harm me.

I do not like when people are rude to others or my mom, sometimes when I see bad happening to an innocent person, I would stand for them even If I don't know them.

I eat home cooked food. If I eat outside a lot , I feel sick.

Sometimes, I get constipated but now a days I am okay.

My behaviour with family and friends is okay. They don't know me anymore because it has been 8 years I have been to India. We talk through facebook or whatsapp.

I have always had depression/anxiety I think.

It was like this in India too but I was too young to know what was happening. Grand mother would just give me some lemonade to relax.

I would cry for hours, my heart beat would be very fast.

I would get easily attach to friends or my bf. It would be hard to leave or break up with them.

Then I started taking cipralex which would help me to stop these thoughts , emotions and crying. When I was on this medication , I didn't cry for two years. I was strong and happy.

But I think I was having side effects of this medicine so I stopped it.

Now the depression is back, these thoughts, anger, crying, anxiety, can't sleep at night.

I just want all these negative thoughts to stop.

If you could help me, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks a lot

Thank you so much , I will reply soon with the results.

Regards