feeling of lump moving in left leg _{Page 2 of 2}

Thank you Kaps.

I have now finished the Apis doses, just continuing Thuja and Zing. i really like the Zing, it is very settling. i am having a lot of gurgling noises in intestine which i think is a good sign.

Fortunately no more breathing problems have occurred.

i have been a close contact for C19 so am currently in isolation but have no symptoms.

do you suggest i change the remedies in any way or just continue with the above as planned and watch for symptoms?

Hello Kaps

i had the final Thuja 200 Yesterday. tomorrow will be the final zing.

My mood overall is more stable, though still somewhat flat (not much motivation or energy to start or complete things, not many positive thoughts or feelings in my day, still feel that i am not of much value in the world, maybe a burden to my son).

one physical symptom has risen up the list is that in the hour or so leading to morning bm i start to feel anxious and uneasy this is different from the impending doom feeling.

This is not a new symptom, it took me a long time to see that it was prior to bm and that it diminishes after visit to bathroom. i don’t have physical sensation of need to move bowels, eg no pressure or fullness, only the anxiety. once i can empty bowels it lessens gradually. it can be difficult to move bowels in morning as it feels more like a golf ball than a long shape.

I just mention it now because I was very aware of it this morning and I thought it may help your decisions about the next step if you have time to help me. Thank you

shape was there intermittently, but so many other symptoms disrupting my awareness then so it seemed less important most of the time. thanks.

my son is very kind, but few healthy younger people know the feeling of declining health and rising helplessness that goes with it. i am just aware of not wanting to ask too much of him.

i can see now that i could have helped my mother more but i did not understand then, she also had severe trauma and anxiety due to violent spouse.

i understand, i do see a counsellor monthly to help improve my outlook, please know that i am trying my best. i really want to get fit enough to work again and be a productive person in my community.

here I am trying to explain my fears and concerns frankly so that you may be better able to select remedies, i do not generally complain or talk widely about my problems.

thank you for your ongoing help Kaps.

Hello Kaps, I had to think about your question.

The main reason I think is that I feel completely unstable and unreliable within myself. I never know from one minute to the next one when anxiety and panic is going to arise, when my energy is going to cut out, and my mental focus lose clarity or capacity so I feel much safer to stay at home where I can cope with these things a bit better. For example I can quickly sit down or take something to eat or drink, or take a moment to sit in the sun and relax. Is it not possible in a normal work environment.
I think that is the best explanation I can offer.

. a feeling of lump moving in back of left leg. - this did improve and seem to disappear with aurum, last 2 days something like it returns now more to outer edge of left knee fold, more a feeling of fullnes

. i regularly have feelings of great anxiety about my health and fear of dying - this eased but is creeping back, the least twinge of muscle or strange noise / sensation within my body i feel spells disaster due very soon

- anxiety snd hopelessness back today

. I currently have many practical problems in my life that I don’t cope well with. I need to move house but my house is very messy and I am having trouble clearing up. - have been able to do a bit more tidying and clearing last few days

. I get very tired easily - mostly around 2pm. i feel best usually after around 6-7 pm (after dinner) and then i want to stay up till midnight or 1 to enjoy feeling ok for a few hours

. I like everything to be calm, I dislike sudden loud noises or unexpected physical touch It feels like the world is very invasive and unkind and I am insignificant. - still true what other people feel is a pat on the back feels like a slap to me, people get annoyed if i ask them not to do it again

. I don’t keep up well with regular chores like washing dishes and vacuuming the carpet however when I do them I like them to be very well done I like the dishes to shine! I think this is partly why I don’t do them usually, my standards are too high for myself! I can be very harsh in the way I speak to and about myself or think about myself. - still true, i wonder how other people get it all done

. I feel like I retain water, for example I can’t create a fist properly any more it feels too congested in both hands but more often the left-hand. - seems a bit easier to make a fist

. I feel like things are going wrong in many areas of my life and that I don’t have a good future ahead. I feel like people don’t want to help me but that many people exploit me. - still true, i rarely feel safe, especially when alone and in the dark, i often sleep with a light on

. In general I want to stay still and quiet. I cannot bear the news, or even many TV shows where somehow there is always violence or cruelty arising And I have to immediately turn it off and then try to forget what I have seen or heard. - still true

. I don’t have very much appetite I have to deliberately plan to eat, I’m not very aware of developing hunger but suddenly I can feel ravenous if I haven’t kept up my food intake. I do like sweet foods but I don’t eat very big quantities of anything. - appetite a bit better, easier to choose foods, still don’t really feel hunger, mainly weakness or “all gone” feeling

. recently a new physical symptom is some froth on top of urine, urine colour varies, usually light yellow, sometimes light yellow-green sometimes a bit darker yellow. froth always white, never covers more than half the surface, usually less, no odour. - urine only mid to pale yellow since starting aurum, mostly no froth sometimes a little.

- bm a bit better shaped last 36 hours, and softer but ragged outline and lingering sickly sweet odour a bit like young baby bm

- with some symptoms falling back the last two days despair is creeping in again that i will never be well and that i may even become worse and not be able to manage my simple daily life, let alone take up more.

. re your Q - it is not so much like stage fright it is more a fear i will not be safe from harm and no one will protect me or care for me if such an event occurs in public. in general i pref to stay home, sit still and keep my brain occupied. sometimes i can meditate or recite/sing mantras, but usually i like to learn, read, study. right now i am following free online qigong meditation lessons and studying Indonesian language just to keep my brain from constant fear, learning is less tiring and i like the feeling of success and achievement, i like to get 100% in the online quizzes in duolingo

- sometimes i play games on the phone to distract my brain, i can get a fixation with this it is not good, my eyes and brain feel very tired.

- i don’t take any alcohol or medications except occasionally aspirin

- last three mornings i have woken with a mild headache running across my head between my temples, it improves after i have food or drink. I have sometimes had this and also other kinds of headaches in the past

- sometimes i feel a bit light headed and as if i will lose my balance, i also feel muscle fatigue easily eg if i try to stand too long or hold my arms up more than a few minutes for the qigong meditation

I hope that is not too long an answer for what you had in mind, Kaps, thank you for your ongoing help.
[Edited by EP6 on 2022-03-13 07:58:53]

ok, i have started today, thanks Kaps

hello Kaps

i have not felt so good on the Apis this time. because my symptoms are always changing it is very hard for me to identify whether something is caused by a remedy or something else. The last couple of days I have had a feeling of wobbliness whenever I stand up sometimes it passes if I stay up and keep Mobile other times despite doing that I have to sit down again. Then I feel afraid to stand up and do things.

I have also sometimes had this sensation of prickling heat at the top of my head along with a feeling of a tightening band also around the too of my head which I associate with feeling anger At injustices that are out of my control but causing me big problems in my daily life. People behaving unfairly to me and i have no recourse.

The symptoms are definitely worse in the Morning and start to improve after three or 4 o’clock in the afternoon and I feel okay in the evening although tired and a bit of a racing mind. it is like I run a mini court room in my head, they said this and they did that, and I said this and I did that, this is right and that is wrong etc I can’t seem to get it to stop even by distracting myself.

The last two days I have had an old symptom come back which is I can hear my Pulse beating in my ears. A bit like a drum from far away. It gives rise to fear in me.

I have also been waking up early - five or 6 am - despite going to sleep after midnight.

I have not yet taken today’s final dose of the Apis As it does seem more likely that the remedy is involved in all of this so I thought it best to check in with you before proceeding further.
[Edited by EP6 on 2022-03-16 12:02:43]

yes, Kaps, i feel a bit clearer in how to do the tidying. Before my brain could not see separate items to sort and put away, it all seemed just one confusing pile.

Now i am doing some sorting and tidying while seated. i have not been able to do much tidying while standing because of feeling unsteady while moving around, especially bending and turning.

i also do become tired very quickly so it helps if i just choose one small task, empty this box and sort the things and put them away then rest a bit. Before I was too impatient and perfectionistic and wanted to do a whole room in the day. It was not an effective approach.
[Edited by EP6 on 2022-03-16 22:49:02]

physically drained, no breathlessness, mental overwhelm / confusion from making decisions faster than i usually like to. i like to consider as many options as i can. plus the moving around gives a feeling if loss of balance, slight vertigo.

i plan two or three tasks in a row but i have to do them one by one or i lose track of what i am doing and have to stop.