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Bach remedy for insecurity and relationship sabotage

Hi there,

I'm hoping you can offer some bach flower suggestions. I find myself stuck in a relationship sabotage loop that's very painful and standing in the way of me moving forward in my life.

I'm a 38 year old woman and basically, when I'm feeling 'well' and life is 'good' I'm great in a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, the minute I get sick or in need of deeper emotional support, I get extremely insecure/needy, start analyzing everything I say or do, can't act like myself, obsess about everything he says or does, and also over-focus on the importance of the relationship in my life.

I try to hide these feeling and then end up acting weird, clingy, and in almost every relationship I've had - push the person away by having a very unattractive and needy energy - even if I'm not actually doing or saying anything that overtly sabotages. I just simply stop being 'myself' (which is the person they really liked to begin with).

Even if the man tries to support me, I'm fine when we're together. But when I'm by myself, I start focusing and obsessing that the man I'm interested in is the 'only one' that can help or save me or take care of me.... and I become very afraid and don't act like myself. I also forget that I have a 'life' of my own and over-focus on the role of this person in my life.

And now, I've met someone new that's a very kind man. And at the same time, I've just come down with bronchitis/rhinitis and I feel miserable. So the pattern is happening again and I'm panicking. I can feel him pulling back and I'm trying to roll with it. But truth is... I'm not and know that this pattern is mine and it's deep.

I also am still not quite recovered from a prior relationship (9 months ago) wherein someone I was going to marry me broke up with me a week after my dog died likely because of the same dynamic I mentioned above. (I also tend to blame myself for everything too... my mother was very narcisstic).

As for my history, I've struggled with abandonment issues due to a very sick sibling during most of my childhood. And in spite of being well-balanced in most areas of my life, allowing deep emotional/relationship intimacy (and staying balanced during the process) is the one area that still is a major struggle for me.

Which remedies would be considered most useful for this particular dynamic? I'm just a little confused, tired, and afraid of messing up a good potential relationship before it's even had the chance to get started.

Any help is truly appreciated.


P.S. I even feel bad for writing this post because I don't want to expose anyone to the part of myself that is so needy and desperate and feels pathetic. :(
  maddie37 on 2012-05-17

This is an internet forum. Posts are not from medical professionals.
Hi-bach flowers might be too lightweight.

Use the edit button on lower right when
you click on your post and change
headline to something like-
Tabish007 please help.

He is very good with these problems.
Early childhood abandonment issues
need to get healing and can be done
with homeopathy.

Your options are: work with local homeopath that has had success with
the early stages.
contact- homeopathy2 health- david
Johnson who does online intakes and
is good in this area.
See if you want to do your case on
the forum with Tabish.

Best, Simone

simone717 6 years ago

Thanks for the suggestion Simone. I've tried numerous homeopathic remedies with a great homeopath. I am, however, hypersensitive and prove remedies very easily. I respond very well to bach flowers (but even those can be too intense for me sometimes). I just want to find a bach combination to address this particular issue. If you know of anyone that specializes in bach... I'd appreciate it. Homeopathy is just too strong for me.


maddie37 6 years ago

Hi-look at forum today and read the
post, dose and potency- go down to
the bottom of that thread and read
the post in there by Tabish.

Were you given split dosing?
Proving a remedy means it was wrong
or the wrong dose. ( I am hypersensitive

Check out Hpathy april issue case
by David Johnson about the minerals
and stuck stages of development, just
so you understand the precision of this
type of prescribing.

Good luck,

simone717 6 years ago

How were those homoeopathic remedies administered to you (ie. how did you take them)? Did anyone try to adjust treatment to manage your hypersensitivity (which will cure on the right remedy by the way)?

brisbanehomoeopath 6 years ago

Yes. I've worked with multiple homeopaths on many remedies and degrees of varying doses for years. Homeopathy is just too strong for me and I prefer the bach method. If you have any suggestions, I'd be grateful.


maddie37 6 years ago

That is too bad. Most of my reading
on the Bach flowers is that they are
more of a preventative for everyday
stress and do not address deep wounds.

Obviously you have an issue about
not being cared for when you need it
from childhood that takes over. don't
know if you have tried any body work,
like shiatsu etc, but some of the deep
massage just puts you back into yourself
in 'present time' so you might want
to add that to your healing tools as
a support when you get out of balance
and then it won't all be directed at
your significant other.

Good luck

simone717 6 years ago

They are not very deep acting, and they are one-sided medicines. That is they address only broad emotional issues and do not address the physical aspect of disease so well.

You still haven't answered my question though, how was your dosing done? How were the homoeopathic medicines administered? Did anyone use split dosing with you?

I have had a number of oversensitive clients over the years who also complained that homoeopathy was too strong for them. However it turned out they were just being overdosed, and by using split dosing I was able to find a level at which the remedies no longer caused a problem for them.

brisbanehomoeopath 6 years ago


Perhaps try Larch for confidence and Crab Apple for self worth. 8've used them in the past and they worked well for me. All the best :)

leza 11 months ago

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Information given in this forum is given by way of exchange of views only, and those views are not necessarily those of ABC Homeopathy. It is not to be treated as a medical diagnosis or prescription, and should not be used as a substitute for a consultation with a qualified homeopath or physician. It is possible that advice given here may be dangerous, and you should make your own checks that it is safe. If symptoms persist, seek professional medical attention. Bear in mind that even minor symptoms can be a sign of a more serious underlying condition, and a timely diagnosis by your doctor could save your life.