To go off Effexor or not?

Back in 2003, I was prescribed Effexor. I have always been a very anxious person, worrying a lot about life, and family. I went to see my doctor because I had a mental breakdown. I had unprotected sex, and I had convinced myself that I had aids. My doctor gave me a presciption for ativan, and for effexor 150mg. I also started to see a pyschologist, which really helped me. I started to feel better within a couple of months, and about 6 months after that I felt back to normal.

After being on effexor for a year, I decided to go off. Not knowing that I had to taper off, I stoped cold turkey. I had major withdrawl symptons, but after 2 weeks I felt good. Then about after one month after I was off of effexor, I had unprotected sex again. I once again convinced myself that I had aids, and went to see my doctor, and was put back onto effexor 150mg. I once again felt better within a couple of months, and after seeing my pychologist.

I was on effexor for 1 1/2 years, and in decemeber I decided it was time to go off. Everything in my life was perfect. This time I tapered off. Probably not quick enough, because I went down from 150 to 0 in 3-4 weeks. I felt great after I had no withdrawl symptoms left. I went through a stressfl couple of weeks at school because of finals, and surpirsingly I got through them feeling great afterwards! However, after school was finished, I had about 3 weeks off until the next semester, and I didn't work at the time. So sitting at home by myself for 2 weeks made me a little crazy (in hind sight a big mistake not to keep myself busy) I began to have strong anxious feelings even though I wasn't worried about anyhing. I ususally take 1/2 mg of ativan if I feel anxious, however I was out of town and did not have access to them. By the time I returned home, I had completely lost it. I couldn't control anything, and had lost my mind. I decided that I needed to go back onto effexor.

Becaue I was so out of it, I thought I needed to be on it right away, and didn't really gradually go onto it. I took 37.5 for two days, then 75 for one day, and then straight onto 150. big mistake. my mind was so messed up. I couldn't function as a normal person. I felt very weird, and din't feel like myself AT ALL. I was very scared. I have not been on the 150mg dose for 7 weeks now. I really don't feel that well. I am very depressed, and don't see the point of life anymore. I still feel disconected from my body, and my thoughts are very weird. I am also getting bad side effects, such as nightsweats, twitching, constantly hungry. Also, in addition to these side effects, I hate being on effexor, and beleive that it is a poison. I really want to be able to do this on my own. I don't like the idea of being on an anti-depressant. In the past couple of weeks I have also really been analyzing my lifestyle, and I realize that I don't excercise, I don't keep myself busy enough, and I don't eat as good as I should. I have started to excercise and really keep myself busy the past couple of weeks. I'm starting to feel better, but I can't tell if it's from the meds, or if it's becuase of my changes.

I saw my doctor this morning, and she suggested going off of effexor, and if I still have a lot of problems to try another med. I see my pyschologist next week, and I will see what he thinks. But I'm very nervous about going off. I really realy want to! But what if I collapse? what if I can't handle life? My boyfriend will surely leave me, I've put him through a lot.

Does anyone have any suggestions?? I have also read that vitamin B is really good for anxiety and depression.

HELP

Alyssa