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For Homeodr

Would you be willing to help me out?

I have come to the realization that I've been dealing with some anxiety myself, but I've been suppressing it. Often I would rather suppress things I don't know how to deal with than address them.

It's been a fairly constant issue since my son was born. But I can remember as far back as maybe 6 years ago having random occurrences of this same fear. I took a dose of Coff. about a week ago and it seems to have really brought the fear to the surface.

What happens is I am confronted with a negative idea or image, and my mind goes wild imagining scenarios ....

negative scary things happening to me or to my husband or child or other family members. Sometimes my pets, too.

The thoughts happen primarily at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. But today they have been happening a lot. There was on the news a report of a shooting only a few miles from my home and they hadn't found the shooter, so I was just freaked out imagining the person coming to my home and really all the scary scenarios you could imagine along with that. I couldn't escape them.

At night when it gets really bad I become afraid in the dark, and imagine a demonic presence is lurking...things I can't see. So I'm not afraid of the dark, but what could be hiding in it. I feel paralyzed with fear, and I want to be hidden under the covers. I feel silly even saying this like it's so childish...i'm a grown woman.

Sometimes the things I imagine are so vivid that I want to cry.
Something specific that is really haunting me is the memory of my sons birth. It was really hard and I think, emotionally traumatic for me. I replay the bits I remember in my head sometimes (at night mostly) and I feel scared and horrified and like "how can I go through that again?" Which is really sad because I really want another baby. But the memory really truly haunts me. And I've never told this to anyone before.

Besides the imaginings, I don't like to go out in public, I am very shy and I feel exposed. I hate it because I do love to be outside, but I don't really want to be seen. I like to be alone, but I also really don't.

My main particular physical things right now (besides constant non-specific bla) is my scalp itches. It was all over before I took Coff. but now it is pretty much just the right side of my head. It itches mostly at night, especially when I lay on my right side.(right side of head on the pillow.) temporarily > Scratching. It feels like a crawling/tickling. and burns slightly after scratching.

Also I have constant gas. No bloating, just always gassy, that seems to come from lower intestines. The Coff. relieved this for about 3 days.

So those are the main things.
Thank you for the help

-D
[message edited by rom109 on Fri, 07 Oct 2016 23:15:41 UTC]
 
  rom109 on 2016-10-07
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
Bumping
 
rom109 7 years ago
Please answer following questions..
Why do u suppress ur anxiety, what wud happen if you express it out?
What exactly do u feel when u think about ur sons birth?
How many doses of coffea hv u taken till now? Hav u noticed any improvement in ur emotional state after taking coffea?
Are u taking any other medications at this point of time?
What does your family members especially ur husband think about your anxiety and imaginations?
 
homeodr 7 years ago
*Why do I suppress my anxiety?
-I don't know. I don't do it consciously. --is the simple answer. I think I am afraid of looking vulnerable. I don't trust people.
*What would happen if I expressed it?
-again, I do not know. I become very uncomfortable and tend to shrug it off; laugh, make jokes to lighten the conversation and deflect any true emotional connection over the issue.
*What do I feel about my sons birth?
-maybe its embarrassment. All the people around me seeing me in such a vulnerable state. There's an element of feeling trapped. I remember every contraction was overpowering me and there was nothing I could do. That invokes fear.
*How many doses of Coffea?
-I took one single dose of 30c.
*Improvement since then?
-not exactly. I feel like it just brought all of my anxiety to the surface and accentuated it. Maybe that could be viewed as good since it's no longer suppressed.
*Other medications?
-I am not taking any pharmaceutical meds. I have cell salts on hand I take occasionally...calc flour is helpful for my tension headaches, as is mag phos and nat phos since I do love my coffee. I also have been trying a few Bach flower remedies for the anxiety/unceasing thoughts at night. They help a little.
I did take a single dose of Carb v. 30c yesterday morning. (I thought maybe you wouldn't respond if I had previously offended you, and I took matters into my own hands. :/ )
I am taking vitamin D daily, and Vitamin C and a multi vitamin.
*How do others react to my anxiety?
-I don't think I have shared it with anyone really. A few years back when I stopped taking birth control and was using Lac Eq. I had major anxiety emotional turmoil for which I leaned heavily on my husband, and he tried to be as supportive as he could. But in the end I think it was too much for him. So I don't share much. It often turns into a "that's nothing compared to what I'm feeling" type reaction.
I haven't told anyone that I imagine scary stuff. It just makes me feel silly when I say it out loud.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Just want to let you know that I am not at all offended. So dont worry about it. Just I was busy with my stuff hence was not able to respond quickly.

Anyways, have you noticed any improvement after taking carbo veg ?
 
homeodr 7 years ago
Thanks for that.

I think so, on the improvements.
The anxiety is not so blatant. It's manageable ish. Not feeling as uncomfortable in the dark, and haven't been woken up by bad dreams.
My thoughts are still racing/unceasing while trying to go to sleep.

My head has completely stopped itching. ....
And there was a little black floaty spot in my right eye that i haven't noticed since.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Since there is some improvement I would say wait for a week so that carbo veg could complete its action.
Its better to avoid unnecessary change of remedy.
 
homeodr 7 years ago
Sounds good.
 
rom109 7 years ago
report back in 7 -10 days.. We will see how to go ahead at that time..
 
homeodr 7 years ago
So it's been a week since taking carbo-v.
It's been an interesting last few days.

I've been noticing a pattern resurfacing in my emotional state that I haven't dealt with since before my pregnancy.
I seem to be hyper-emotional in the first part of the day. Everything I think/feel/say/do is driven by intense emotion...sentimental at times. I'm feeling things deeply and think/react from a fairly volatile place. The slightest negative thing affects me in a big way, and depending on the thing, I either become extremely angry, or extremely depressed pretty much instantly. I could be walking on emotional sunshine one minute, and then someone says something that irritates me (where it normally would not irritate me) and I just am immediately cranky, or snappy about it.
And this hyper emotional state seems to taper off around 3-4pm, when I feel like I am more rational and levelheaded.
Tuesday and Wednesday seemed to be the peak of this feeling. I can feel it still happening to me but not as strongly. (Today is Saturday).

My husband and I had a little talk on Monday night and it was a positive encounter. The next morning I had so much positive energy and 'emotional sunshine', but was quickly brought back down when a friend told me something about my horses farrier that really irritated me.
When I am in this hyper state I really don't trust myself to talk to people or react appropriately. It's like a separate person has taken over my mind and I can see the difference...I know this hyper-emotional person is not me....it feels superficial but I can't get away from it, either. I can see that I'm being irrational, but I can't stop myself.

On a physical note, I've been sleeping pretty terribly. I wake up very stiff, and sore on whatever side I am lying on. The pain gives me bad dreams, especially when I lay on my back.
While in bed my feet feel swollen on the soles, and they almost tingle. Kind of like I have been standing for long periods of time during the day and they're sore.

I've had a fairly consistent feeling in my head of a faint, almost fluid-like vertigo. It is the strongest when I am out in public in a crowded place. Like sensory overload. I get overwhelmed and my head starts to hurt and feel full, and I am exhausted and just want to sit in the quiet and rest.

Those are the highlights.
 
rom109 7 years ago
It seems there is no major improvement after taking carbo veg. Also the emotional State has not been very consistent for you, there was some ups and downs .
how long have u been getting vertigo like feeling?
 
homeodr 7 years ago
The vertigo feeling that I described has only been since taking carbo-v.

The weekend seemed to clear up the rest of that hi-lo emotional stuff. My days are a little more consistent. However I am still prone to big emotional upheavals with encounters with my husband.
Im just really afraid of/sensitive to rejection from him. If he's in a bad mood, I fear it's my fault. Etc
 
rom109 7 years ago
...sent that last post before I was done....
#momlife !! Lol

So I get my feelings hurt if he's in a bad mood, I imagine it's my fault and my first thought is sadness at his treatment of me, then after thinking about it for a bit I start to get really irritated, like why I don't deserve that, and then I get angry and move to why I think he's being rude and what I should do in retaliation, or to teach him a lesson. But then I think, that is a wrong attitude.
and then go back to sadness.....circular thoughts...these happen at night as I am trying to fall asleep.
 
rom109 7 years ago
I feel like I'm alone a lot. Like I've been abandoned.
I feel hopeless, and like I'm just stuck feeling this was forever.

Every once in a while I'll have a good day where I'm clear headed, focused, productive, and then the next day I feel the exact opposite again and I get so discouraged because I don't know how to make that feeling come back.
I know I am capable of organized thoughts, and a coherent flow of ideas and the ability to put concepts together and understand things quickly, because on good days I can. On bad days(most days) I can't do that without straining effort.
For example, when I am looking at my bank register and trying to figure out what mistake I made in the numbers, I know there was a mistake, but I can't see where and I just sit there staring at it with just blankness in my mind, until SOMETHING, some thought, some correlation, some starting point of figuring it out, comes to me.

It is also incredibly difficult to try and explain this stuff.....it always comes out as "I feel bla" because when I try to think of the way to explain it my brain goes, "bla".
But it's real, I'm not a placebo patient. I just have a very difficult time finding ways to explain the details. The details that I know are vital to prescribing....
 
rom109 7 years ago
Can you tell me about your husbands behavior towards you?
How do u deal with his behavior? ... I understand you feel sad and get irritated due to this, but how do u usually react to this situation?
 
homeodr 7 years ago
He is just irritable and short with me. He is very tired and on a short mental fuse. Anything whatsoever that is real life or even remotely stressful to talk about he gets tense, and slightly snappy. He talks over me and has a lot to say very quickly but in an effort to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Whatever he is saying, if I try to make comments, or interjections into the "conversation" he has something to say to counter whatever I have said. If it's positive, he wants to make sure I understand the negative. If it's "off point" he has to make sure i know that was not the point and reiterate what is his point.
I feel like he doesn't want me to talk.
(This is not who he is. So I don't want to be talking badly about him.)

He is too tired for any physical interaction. I understand his medication is partly to blame for libido slumps, but primarily is his state of mind. He is so very stressed out.

I very rarely try to respond to him. As soon as I even think of arguing back, I feel an immediate energy drain. It just is too diffucult to even try to talk, and then words escape me. I have a ton of emotion, but there are no words.
I just shut down and internalize it all. I get very quiet and just move on.
 
rom109 7 years ago
.....'i shut down and try to move on.' ......I avoid eye contact a lot. It makes me uncomfortable. Especially when I am upset.

This I also experience when in public. Eye contact makes me very uncomfortable. I feel so insecure and I start worrying about what they're looking at and what am I doing with my face and a bunch of other silly self-conscious stuff.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Ok...
Quick question.. Why can't you respond back to his behavior, are u scared to respond back because he might harm you or is there some other reason?
 
homeodr 7 years ago
No I am not it afraid of him. For any reason.

I don't want to fight. It zaps me of energy (even thinking about responding) and even if it didn't, in the moment of needing to have something to say, and feeling that pressure to say it, my mind literally goes blank.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Did you ask me that because the things I say sound like abuse? Or are you looking for more symptoms?

The abuse came from my grandparents when I was a child, FYI.

More on the inability to respond....
It's not just him this happens with. This happens with everyone, if I sense a possible verbal conflict, or if I am suddenly expected to respond, I lose my words. I feel rushed or panicked.

Sometimes I will be talking (to my husband, for example) and mid sentence I will forget the word I was going to say,(mind goes blank) and pause in speaking. He will say something like, spit it out.
And that pressure to hurry up and say it, or just to say something, makes the blank even worse. Often causing me to completely lose my train of thought.

I am not here to complain about my husband. Please understand that all the things I am telling you in reference to him are simply an interpretation of his actions through my oversensativity.
 
rom109 7 years ago
I just wanted to know your reaction to certain situation hence i asked you that question.. I understand you don't want to complain about your husband, your response helps me to understand u as a person and find a right remedy for u.

After going through your current problem, I think Natrum mur 200 single dose would be a good choice to start with.. Have u taken this remedy before?

Along with natrum mur 200 take kali phos 6x 3 tablets every day for a week.

Avoid taking strong coffee, raw onion, garlic and lemon.
Report back in 7 days..
 
homeodr 7 years ago
Okay. I just wanted to make sure :)

I have taken Nat Mur a long time ago in a 1M and it did nothing for me. Maybe wrong time, maybe too strong. I am very sensitive.

As for Kali Phos, I actually just did that very Rx about 4 weeks ago. It made me feel worse. It makes me feel like electrical pulses are zapping thru me kinda. Makes me feel edgy and just not right.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Also I don't currently have Nat M in 200. I have 30c on hand.
If you think 200 would be best i can order it.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Ok..just take Nat mur 30c at this point. If you see any improvement with this potency we can go ahead with 200c.
Don't take kali phos6x if it hadn't worked for u in past then..
 
homeodr 7 years ago
Ok. Talk to you in a week.
 
rom109 7 years ago
Ok ---sorry I have to admit, this made me kind of frustrated because nat m has a few key things in my mentals but one that is standing out to me right now is the "hypochondriac" and that possibly you, as have many others, have capitalized on that. If that's the case you've greatly misunderstood me.
I am concerned about my health. But by definition a hypochondriac is *unnecessarily* concerned. I am also greatly concerned about being misunderstood/not taken seriously. When I feel this happening I get very angry and determined all the more to explain myself. I suppose from the outside this probably looks like "case and point".

I get that a medical, titled diagnosis is not as important as a symptom picture, but I have been diagnosed with legitimate things that explain my general complaints; so you can know I'm not making this up.
Hypothyroidism, and I have a genetic mutation called, MTHFR which basically means my body's detox pathways are permanently crippled. So, 29 years of toxins building up and stagnating in my body with limited capacity to eliminate them equals feeling like crap ALL the time, and in a multitude of ways.
So if you put this in a picture, a specific, common disease will often have a clear symptom profile, with variations person to person. A specific disease, a specific toxicity. With the MTHFR I have no specific disease, and a general toxicity.
Toxins wreaking havoc have a vast and uncountable amount of symptoms. Therefore no clear picture. This has got to be why homeopaths are so often stumped by my case.

I look at the materia medica profiles of Nat M and I see some mental stuff, but not exactly. and the physical does not match up in the least. I also understand that mental symptoms are the primary for repertorising, but does that mean you overlook all physicals?

I do feel cold a lot, I am better for warmth. Dry warmth specifically. I feel better in the sun; dramatically.
I am worse after sleep, I toss and turn a lot. If I sit or lay in one position too long I become stiff and sore, which goes away after some movement.
Coldness makes me stiff and irritable. Especially cold wind.
I live in the pacific nw where 90% of the time it's rainy, cold and damp. I hate it. I used to live further east where it's dry, dry, dry and I felt much better.
I mentioned that Calc Flour 6x was very helpful for my tension.
This tension I am always describing to my husband as "rigor mortis". And I always want him to massage my shoulders and back and very firmly.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, I just feel like all that talk about a single mental scenario missed a huge part of my picture...
Does any of this change your mind?
[message edited by rom109 on Wed, 19 Oct 2016 23:31:05 UTC]
 
rom109 7 years ago

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