Atn. Evocationer Need Help to Focus My Life on Taking Care of Me

I am having my friend type for me. If this was for someone else I could do this. But I can not for myself. I do not even know how to put it into words. But I have problems focusing, cant not even read a book.

I came to this site on suggestion from my friend. In my life I experienced the death of my daughter 3 years ago. my son is struggling with depression. He lives with his father who is controlling and extremely abusive. My son is age 25.

I have difficulties with my son because he resents me for leaving his father 10 years later. But at the same time he is always expecting me to do all of these things for him even though he is angry at me. On top of which his father was abusive with me. This is why I left.

He wanted to stay with his dad because it was the lifestyle of a fancy life. But I needed to leave and it took a lot of courage to leave my ex husband.

When we divorced my ex husband said that he would sell the house. He lived in our house that was a 500,000 and let it go into forclosure so I would get $0.

When I worked for my ex husband when I was with him I never got salary and he controlled the money.

Back to my son....

He is constantly asking my for cigarettes, money etc.

I am currently right now working with my friend to do healing work. I have been in the last week focusing on reclaiming my power, working at healthier boundaries and trying to focus on myself instead of getting caught up in the unhealthy dynamics between my son and I as well as ex husband. I choose last week to stop interacting with ex husband. And now I am trying to create boundaries with my son.

I have a difficult time focusing on my needs. A lot of people close to me tell me I need to let go of the constant need to help my son, and constant worrying about him and his life choices. Especially because he does not respond to my desire to help except in the form of food and cigs.

I wish I could have a more loving and connective relationship with my son but currently at this time it has been clearly shown to me by my friends and family that I can not have that kind of relationship and really need to start focusing on taking care of me when it comes to my relationship between my son and me. In the past and still challenging currently is that when it comes to my son I feel guilty and obligated to help him and try to fix things and want to give advice and solve his problems for him but they are not my problems to solve.

I am trying to move forward but can tell that I feel stuck. I do not want to leave my son high and dry.I feel like if he is asking for the help I should give it.

In my therapy group I am working on not enabling my son and just focusing on my self.

I would really like help with being able to get on track with my life. I have intentions to get myself in a place where I can be ready to meet a new special guy.

If you can please send me the questions to fill out that would be appreciated. Thank you so much for helping me out.

-Ocean Mist