Mr. Tabish please help me

I have social anxiety. A fear of critizism, attack, being disliked, depression, self hate, feel embarrassed and humiliated very quickly for all kinds of things, a body dysmorphia although not really bad at all at this moment but I always think I could look better and fear loosing my good appearance.

Here is an example of one of my problems. I have issues with getting close to people, with intimacy. I hate it. I hate sympathy but I am often looking for getting it despite that, I hate affection or any such things. It makes me uncomfortable. I often was also made fun of about the topic of love and such things in the past. Like being affectious is a vulnerability to be laughed at, ridiculed.


an example of me... I go onto a dating website. I see a girl with a pretty face and completely want her. Then I message her and get complimented on my appearance which makes me feel very good of course. Then in the end when she gives me her number I block off. It just feels to close now and tell her about my anxiety problem and that I cannot meet her and dont want her to waste time with me. Then I am even unable to open the reply I have gotten to this last revealing message of mine. Just feels to uncomfortable and fear something unpleasant might be written in her response to me. But after awhile I am able to open her reply. What is also strange about me is that I expect the girl then to keep showing lots of interest in me and try to make me feel better about myself and keep being interested in me. If she completely leaves me alone I would feel heartbroken lol and it would HURT A LOT. I am completely unable to accept any sort of rejection. I hate sympathy and yet I always look for it and attention.

Please help, emotionally I am very needy, dependent.

I also feel like I have no substance. beyond my good appearance there is nothing else to me really. I am just my appearance.


I used to be member 'silicea', please help me.