The ABC Homeopathy Forum
Not feeling good - grey cloudy weather (David)
I am not feeling good.I had some slight panic today again that drove me out of the house. I got to much absorbed in my thoughts and the grey cloudy weather just makes it worse.I havent gotten any reassurance yet whether I will be okay. No contact. I often fear something bad will happen and I am alone.
I get slight panic just when I make an attempt to write to you because of the 'claustrophobic reaction'. What if I dont get to hear from you?
I better never get trapped in a small space because I would loose my mind. But it feels like I am trapped... my life. And hate grey cloudy weather in the summer. More anxious
I hope to hear from you. Hope I didnt dramatise it. I am alright but not feeling well. My mother commented that I seem unwell and should smile more the moment she saw me and asked if something is wrong. And I pretended as always that all is well
starface on 2011-11-17
This is just a forum. Assume posts are not from medical professionals.
I am sorry for how I wrote my above post. There is something I dont like about it. It is so unfeeling, eccentric, not friendly. I dont know the right word to describe what feels wrong or missing.
I dont like it at all and wished this would change. Without my style of writing/ communication changing I will stay were I am alone forever, I fear.
Oh and I feel much better in company, like my family. When I am alone it is when I have problems
[message edited by starface on Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:36:38 GMT]
I dont like it at all and wished this would change. Without my style of writing/ communication changing I will stay were I am alone forever, I fear.
Oh and I feel much better in company, like my family. When I am alone it is when I have problems
[message edited by starface on Thu, 17 Nov 2011 03:36:38 GMT]
starface last decade
-My mother had an ailment and it caused great anxiety for a moment. I hate it when someone around me has a problem since there is nothing I can do to help them, make it go away instantly
- there is a family member who is involved with life unlike me. And I wished I were in his skin somehow. Because I know he mus feel like he can cope/deal with everything from being involved with life for about a year now. But I on the other hand dont have this experience that I can cope/deal with everything.
When I took lycopodium I thought I can feel safe and I will be able to deal with life. The same with staphysgaria that I can feel good now. If my father does something unjust to me or a group/people humiliate me I will be able to deal with it all.
Does that all tell something about me? I hate missing out on life but at the same time I am afraid of it. Afraid of not being able to deal cope with situations.
- there is a family member who is involved with life unlike me. And I wished I were in his skin somehow. Because I know he mus feel like he can cope/deal with everything from being involved with life for about a year now. But I on the other hand dont have this experience that I can cope/deal with everything.
When I took lycopodium I thought I can feel safe and I will be able to deal with life. The same with staphysgaria that I can feel good now. If my father does something unjust to me or a group/people humiliate me I will be able to deal with it all.
Does that all tell something about me? I hate missing out on life but at the same time I am afraid of it. Afraid of not being able to deal cope with situations.
starface last decade
I mentioned last time the movie 'Pi' about a mathematical genius. But it more a movie about obsessions and how they can kill you. I watched it before I gott BDD, so I think it would of be a good movie to watch again. There is some other similarity I see. In the end of the movie they guy finds out something about life. A knowledge that is to much to live with so he wants to erase this information or kill himself... The similarity I feel is that I too have great trouble with the knowledge/truth I read in spiritual books, social science books about life and the ego. How everything is just a survival mechanism. How just wanting attention, or being dramatic is a survival mechanism. How wanting to be big just means it is a compensation for being small inside. VERY DEPRESSIVE. And I wished I never read about this. It is always in the back of my mind and I just cannot feel good about myself anymore.
What can be done about this?
What can be done about this?
starface last decade
I do not enjoy hearing anyone suffering. It goes against my nature.
I am not punishing you, as I said in an email today. I cannot treat you because of what you do, how you act, how the whole practitioner-patient relationship works with you. I simply cannot help you.
Watching all your posts on here has only confirmed for me the impossibility of successful treatment via an internet forum. You keep doing the same things, over and over. There is no reason to think you won't keep doing them.
It is just too stressful and upsetting for me to be put in such a situation. Perhaps someone else can deal with you. I clearly cannot.
I have made suggestions as to how I think you need to work this out. What you do is up to you.
I am not punishing you, as I said in an email today. I cannot treat you because of what you do, how you act, how the whole practitioner-patient relationship works with you. I simply cannot help you.
Watching all your posts on here has only confirmed for me the impossibility of successful treatment via an internet forum. You keep doing the same things, over and over. There is no reason to think you won't keep doing them.
It is just too stressful and upsetting for me to be put in such a situation. Perhaps someone else can deal with you. I clearly cannot.
I have made suggestions as to how I think you need to work this out. What you do is up to you.
♡ brisbanehomoeopath last decade
Ok, thanks for the reply. I am not going to persist for now because issue with closeness and intimacy comes up whenever someone is nice to me after I was bad in the first place.
strange. I want some contact, relationship but at the same time not, or not anymore after awhile.
===
I think I have gotten the best reply I could get. One with 'emotional content'. I do not feel comfortable with, words like suffering etc, they are to emotionally deep, this makes me not feel good but avoid.
strange. I want some contact, relationship but at the same time not, or not anymore after awhile.
===
I think I have gotten the best reply I could get. One with 'emotional content'. I do not feel comfortable with, words like suffering etc, they are to emotionally deep, this makes me not feel good but avoid.
starface last decade
starface last decade
I was sure all day of most likely being the remedy natrum muriaticum or just any natrum for that matter and I still feel this strongly to be true. For the past 3 days I felt like giving up on a social life and just avoid it, spend my life on my computer etc. But than once when I drove home after picking up my brother a girl around my age looked at me once while at a corner and this just made me WANT HER. I was like screw the computer, screw everything else. This is what I want. I will wait as long as I need for the platina to do whatever it will do but when my ugly ego returns and so on I think of taking natrum muriaticum and even take a repeat dose if no reaction. Anyway I am restless in my house now from getting the look of the girl. I think she liked something about me by the way she looked at me, I want to go out of the house but there is nothing I can do. I cannot make contact from the social anxiety I have. I want to but I dont want to at the same time. Conflict! It is not easy
I am waiting for some home entertainment stuff to arrive by courier all day. I couldnt await for it to arrive but now I dont want it anymore at all. No desire. That is what one look of a pretty girl at me can do to me... It reminds me again of what I really want.
It wasnt just a normal look from a girl at me to me, but one of showing interest in me. And it brings up warm feelings.
=====
I had a scary moment earlier today I was at a beach alone and fear came in and un-realness. When I quickly turned my head I thought some things/monsters would be in the water and I had fear of it all getting to much again (losing control) that I had to leave the beach quickly and had fear of fainting again. A bit of fainting attacks. And worried whether this will get worse or stay that way it is or get better with time etc. But then I remembered a good self help tool I used in the past where you just say to yourself could I let go of wanting to control for example and answer with a yes or no to the question... No matter whether you answer with a yes or no, you just say whatever feels best to you and you are going to release the want. And yes I felt quickly better and no more problem with losing my mind. I should have remembered to use this self help tool back when I had the horrible platina aggravation. This self help tool says that the mind is programmed with 4 basic wants and all problems derive from them which are wanting to control, wanting approval, wanting security & wanting oneness/separation. I have done this self help for about a year before starting homeopathy and it was good. I noticed when I release on wanting control it is what helps the most in social situations and makes me not avoid walking past people.
Anyway this self help tool was much needed again since having the bad platina experience. I have a grip again and do not fear loosing my mind. I just release whenever I start stressing, when the fear of schizophrenia or loosing my mind comes etc.
I think I am a very controlling guy. But not of people usually because I always have it in the back of my mind that it would be a very bad trait. Being not controlling is better. But online over the internet I am less self conscious and less observant, I let myself go more so it doesnt hold that true here.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:59:42 GMT]
It wasnt just a normal look from a girl at me to me, but one of showing interest in me. And it brings up warm feelings.
=====
I had a scary moment earlier today I was at a beach alone and fear came in and un-realness. When I quickly turned my head I thought some things/monsters would be in the water and I had fear of it all getting to much again (losing control) that I had to leave the beach quickly and had fear of fainting again. A bit of fainting attacks. And worried whether this will get worse or stay that way it is or get better with time etc. But then I remembered a good self help tool I used in the past where you just say to yourself could I let go of wanting to control for example and answer with a yes or no to the question... No matter whether you answer with a yes or no, you just say whatever feels best to you and you are going to release the want. And yes I felt quickly better and no more problem with losing my mind. I should have remembered to use this self help tool back when I had the horrible platina aggravation. This self help tool says that the mind is programmed with 4 basic wants and all problems derive from them which are wanting to control, wanting approval, wanting security & wanting oneness/separation. I have done this self help for about a year before starting homeopathy and it was good. I noticed when I release on wanting control it is what helps the most in social situations and makes me not avoid walking past people.
Anyway this self help tool was much needed again since having the bad platina experience. I have a grip again and do not fear loosing my mind. I just release whenever I start stressing, when the fear of schizophrenia or loosing my mind comes etc.
I think I am a very controlling guy. But not of people usually because I always have it in the back of my mind that it would be a very bad trait. Being not controlling is better. But online over the internet I am less self conscious and less observant, I let myself go more so it doesnt hold that true here.
[message edited by starface on Fri, 18 Nov 2011 05:59:42 GMT]
starface last decade
Well this remedy I took in 10m potency is the only remedy I took so far that I could say is a partial similimum at least. Only remedy where there is a bit of a mental shift/change. A remedy that goes deep... I felt like listening to music. I heard a song on the radio that I liked and really enjoyed it. Usually I can never really enjoy it because there is always this aversion, from the ego I am assuming that I just cannot be enjoying the music. It is the aversion to bond, to be one. I always have a desire to distance myself therefore rather usually. But today and it happened last time when I took the remedy aswell this aversion has gotten less. But usually it doesnt last. Goes away again after a few days.
I am not entirely sure of things about possible remedies. But in this moment it doesnt really matter at all. I still feel like I am opened a bit, in touch with the hurt so there is no real restlessness or desire for change (yet)
EDIT: But still I am having problems getting interested or wanting to clean the computer and stuff like that because this all reminds me of the time when tried hard to get over Social anxiety, memory clearing etc. Got the BDD, deep depression from it. I think I burned out and I have an aversion to anything that reminds me of this and it is impossible for me to do such tasks again like cleaning my room etc. It is because that is how life was, how I was like before the memory clearing
The other thing:
Still averse when told something to do by my father. I just want to fight it off. Ward off any task I might get from him. My belief is because my father could force me or push me since he is different from my mother and I just fight off therefore everything hard since I think otherwise I might get overpowered if that is the word. I think I have strong tubercular aspects. Because someone not answering me when I need help. Me fighting off my fathers tasks, me fearing that I am not seen... that noone reads my posts etc give the same image in my mind which is not a nice one. An exhausting, restless one, where you might get crazy from the overactivity. Like being trapped in a small space and trying really hard to get out because you MUST get out.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:52:19 GMT]
I am not entirely sure of things about possible remedies. But in this moment it doesnt really matter at all. I still feel like I am opened a bit, in touch with the hurt so there is no real restlessness or desire for change (yet)
EDIT: But still I am having problems getting interested or wanting to clean the computer and stuff like that because this all reminds me of the time when tried hard to get over Social anxiety, memory clearing etc. Got the BDD, deep depression from it. I think I burned out and I have an aversion to anything that reminds me of this and it is impossible for me to do such tasks again like cleaning my room etc. It is because that is how life was, how I was like before the memory clearing
The other thing:
Still averse when told something to do by my father. I just want to fight it off. Ward off any task I might get from him. My belief is because my father could force me or push me since he is different from my mother and I just fight off therefore everything hard since I think otherwise I might get overpowered if that is the word. I think I have strong tubercular aspects. Because someone not answering me when I need help. Me fighting off my fathers tasks, me fearing that I am not seen... that noone reads my posts etc give the same image in my mind which is not a nice one. An exhausting, restless one, where you might get crazy from the overactivity. Like being trapped in a small space and trying really hard to get out because you MUST get out.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:52:19 GMT]
starface last decade
You can tell whether people are reading your posts by watching the numbers go up. This thread has 8 posts and has gotten 86 views. That's over 10 views per post. Unless they are all from you then somebody must be reading it.
LisaX last decade
Thanks for saying that... I get very nervous and feel unwell whenever I see a member replying in my thread... I always expect the worst (lol) that I did something wrong but it turned out to be all well and not what I feared... What you said is a good point and something to think about for myself. It made me aware tht I feel like I am completely alone, noone is interested in me and my 'job' is to make people want me... Might be an important 'symptom' I guess.
starface last decade
I had a pretty good day by the way... I felt more confident, more enjoying life outside. I really enjoyed going into shop and seeing people in there. I talked about my problems a bit with my mother which I usually find uncomfortable, I also could not do something earlier today because of my social anxiety and I talked about it like it is not a problem admitting to it at all with my mother. In fact it made me feel good being able to say this. But all is not great yet... Platina feels only partial I would say. Because I felt more confident but with that also my attention seeking comes up in real life. I am a 'playful' kind of type I noticed today. Socializing is important and great
starface last decade
I find it interesting that I once took such remedy and had absolutely no problem with taking it, but now I am picky about such stuff and would not be able to take it like that. I dont know what the explanation could be.
'' please read about Ambra Grisea below:
- Emotional, sentimental people who suffer from inhibition.
- Impossible to express himself, communicate, agg. company of strangers.
Must make tremendous effort to keep conversation going.
- Cannot let go. Aversion to seeing or hearing others laughing.
- Extremely conscious of what people will think about them.
- Embarrassed esp. regarding personal habits like stool, urine,
perspiration.
- Ailments from failure, being put down/insulted,
embarassment in their work: lose confidence, become
bashful, avoid people.
- Dwell on past unpleasant experiences, offences, being hurt.
- Strong sex desire, lascivious thoughts and masturbation; feel guilty.
- Claustrophobia.
- Sensitive to music. Music agg..
- Irritability. Hysteria. Fear of killing.
- Forgetful, dull, mental slowness. Unable to calculate.
- Mind weakens like when getting prematurely old. Dreamy state of mind.
Silly prattling, loquacity, jump from one subject to another,
ask questions but don't wait for the answer.
- Delusions, often frightening. ''
I fit many of those symptoms but I consider myself Higher I guess is what the problem is.
Anyway it doesnt matter. Just funny how something changed a few months ago.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 19 Nov 2011 06:56:02 GMT]
'' please read about Ambra Grisea below:
- Emotional, sentimental people who suffer from inhibition.
- Impossible to express himself, communicate, agg. company of strangers.
Must make tremendous effort to keep conversation going.
- Cannot let go. Aversion to seeing or hearing others laughing.
- Extremely conscious of what people will think about them.
- Embarrassed esp. regarding personal habits like stool, urine,
perspiration.
- Ailments from failure, being put down/insulted,
embarassment in their work: lose confidence, become
bashful, avoid people.
- Dwell on past unpleasant experiences, offences, being hurt.
- Strong sex desire, lascivious thoughts and masturbation; feel guilty.
- Claustrophobia.
- Sensitive to music. Music agg..
- Irritability. Hysteria. Fear of killing.
- Forgetful, dull, mental slowness. Unable to calculate.
- Mind weakens like when getting prematurely old. Dreamy state of mind.
Silly prattling, loquacity, jump from one subject to another,
ask questions but don't wait for the answer.
- Delusions, often frightening. ''
I fit many of those symptoms but I consider myself Higher I guess is what the problem is.
Anyway it doesnt matter. Just funny how something changed a few months ago.
[message edited by starface on Sat, 19 Nov 2011 06:56:02 GMT]
starface last decade
Yea it was a pretty good day... I could watch TV and really laugh or listen to music and move along... Not the ugly ego of mine which usually divides instead of unites. It was nice being able to laugh and relate to people without any 'ego' like thoughts that make me rather pull away...
But issue with feeling trapped remains and some other things, like excessive sympathy for people with difficulty, pain, and I can quickly get to be made to be controlled around by making me feel guilty etc. so I doubt this remedy will go all the way, but lets see.
I dont know I think I have the potential to feel really bad when I have problems but when all is well and I am happy I can feel pretty good.
But issue with feeling trapped remains and some other things, like excessive sympathy for people with difficulty, pain, and I can quickly get to be made to be controlled around by making me feel guilty etc. so I doubt this remedy will go all the way, but lets see.
I dont know I think I have the potential to feel really bad when I have problems but when all is well and I am happy I can feel pretty good.
starface last decade
All you have to do is stop self-prescribing. That's the only reason David dropped you, it wasn't personal rejection. I can't speak for the homeopaths but I bet if you prove you can stop by going for a month without taking any remedies, then somebody might take your case. I'm interested in watching you get treatment, but to make that happen you have to abide by the conditions set by the homeopath. Give it a try, it will be interesting.
LisaX last decade
Thanks for the message again LisaX. I am not in a state to self prescribe anymore anyway. The remedy I took worked at least partially and some things thaat were buried deep came up so therefore there is no restlessness which made me self prescribe. I am going to try and not self prescribe again in case the restlessness would return in the future.
=====
An update:
I am not in a that good state right now, a bit mixed feelings, but not that bad either. I would of be in trouble if I would not have some good self help tools to use right now. Namely because since Platina 10M there are 2 major problems. On one hand the panic fear of fainting from fear of loosing my mind, from fear of mental detoriation, from fear of something bad happening, it getting worse etc.
And the other thing is I am really afraid of being alone. And get paranoid. I cannot take a shower alone. I cannot go to pass stool. Yesterday night I went to drive with my car but had to turn around and go home because I feared something. And in my mind than I scared myself and have gotten to see some sort of religious people without a face. Like a black face, no face.
Yesterday night I also couldnt sleep without my light on at all. I felt such pressure on my head and total fear. When I heard my dog coming into my room. I knew it was the dog but I wanted to run away and not have to see her because everything looked so scary. I wasnt so scared in my home in a long time. Well never before like that of course.
Anyway I cannot also go to the beach if there are no people there. Again some images of some people, or scary things come into my mind. Than comes the fear of loosing my mind and the fainting. But thank god I have this great self help tool where I just release on the want to control and I calm down. I get anxious and feel the pressure by just writing this post and getting remembered of all those things.
If it werent for this self help tool I would of be racing right now all day and running to keep the panic down. The fear of fainting and loosing my mind is so nasty.But it is being managed by the self help tool.
Anyway I dont know what to do exactly right now. I am paranoid. And everything seems threatening inside the house when alone. Walking past a room and seeing a jumper on the ground etc. And the image in my mind of this faceless religious people. It is like I am in my room and in my mind fear seeing this image of this person come into my room. Or when I walk past rooms that I will see this person sitting on the bed. I am not psychotic or anything. It is just pure fear. Fear of loosing my mind. Because I have been scared a bit that homeopathy can cause mental detoriation and I am not ok since than anymore. I fear seeing people, hearing voices. Because I fear schizophrenia. It is a slight self imposed torture because I am perfectly fine and afraid or worried when in company. In company I am much better than before I took the platina 10M. It is when I am alone that I have problems now.
I dont know what this could mean because I thought it all must have passed by now (it is around 11 days since taking the 10M dose), because a few days ago I was fine at night again and could take showers again etc
=====
An update:
I am not in a that good state right now, a bit mixed feelings, but not that bad either. I would of be in trouble if I would not have some good self help tools to use right now. Namely because since Platina 10M there are 2 major problems. On one hand the panic fear of fainting from fear of loosing my mind, from fear of mental detoriation, from fear of something bad happening, it getting worse etc.
And the other thing is I am really afraid of being alone. And get paranoid. I cannot take a shower alone. I cannot go to pass stool. Yesterday night I went to drive with my car but had to turn around and go home because I feared something. And in my mind than I scared myself and have gotten to see some sort of religious people without a face. Like a black face, no face.
Yesterday night I also couldnt sleep without my light on at all. I felt such pressure on my head and total fear. When I heard my dog coming into my room. I knew it was the dog but I wanted to run away and not have to see her because everything looked so scary. I wasnt so scared in my home in a long time. Well never before like that of course.
Anyway I cannot also go to the beach if there are no people there. Again some images of some people, or scary things come into my mind. Than comes the fear of loosing my mind and the fainting. But thank god I have this great self help tool where I just release on the want to control and I calm down. I get anxious and feel the pressure by just writing this post and getting remembered of all those things.
If it werent for this self help tool I would of be racing right now all day and running to keep the panic down. The fear of fainting and loosing my mind is so nasty.But it is being managed by the self help tool.
Anyway I dont know what to do exactly right now. I am paranoid. And everything seems threatening inside the house when alone. Walking past a room and seeing a jumper on the ground etc. And the image in my mind of this faceless religious people. It is like I am in my room and in my mind fear seeing this image of this person come into my room. Or when I walk past rooms that I will see this person sitting on the bed. I am not psychotic or anything. It is just pure fear. Fear of loosing my mind. Because I have been scared a bit that homeopathy can cause mental detoriation and I am not ok since than anymore. I fear seeing people, hearing voices. Because I fear schizophrenia. It is a slight self imposed torture because I am perfectly fine and afraid or worried when in company. In company I am much better than before I took the platina 10M. It is when I am alone that I have problems now.
I dont know what this could mean because I thought it all must have passed by now (it is around 11 days since taking the 10M dose), because a few days ago I was fine at night again and could take showers again etc
starface last decade
I feel slighlty embarassed for mentioning the things I mentioned above. Anyway I am feeling better and lighter today. There definately is something good about Platina. A partial similimum at least. I guess I need to wait more. I knew something was happening yesterday because my head felt like it was getting 'repaired' and 'brought back to life' when I had my fears and paranoia.
Anyway I am sure once this will pass I will get the stinging sharp pain again like I did when I took the 1M. It is really sharp but thankfully lasts only for a few seconds. It makes me sweat in my hands and body instantly.
So I am alright again. Platina definately only remedy so far I have taken that goes deep and brings up things
Anyway I am sure once this will pass I will get the stinging sharp pain again like I did when I took the 1M. It is really sharp but thankfully lasts only for a few seconds. It makes me sweat in my hands and body instantly.
So I am alright again. Platina definately only remedy so far I have taken that goes deep and brings up things
starface last decade
It is interesting. That I still feel at times a bit of aggravation. Tonight I was fine at night. I feel lighter and better. But the paralyzing weakness of muscles in my chest is a bit back since the last few days.
I am also mor compulsive and picked on details about other things (not my appearance). This is how it used to be before the BDD. I threw something against the couch today out of anger because something didnt work. And that is new to me because I usually dont act out. It makes me afraid to throw something out of fear of what this means, that I am going downhill, that is why I never do such thing. But it felt good and there was no fear later. But it is an ugly quality to be angry and throw things around so I dont do this.
A big theme of me is the feeling of being trapped. I assume platina does not have this so I do not expect to get cured from it. Do not expect to get cured of approval seeking, needing to present myself in the best light also always, out of the fear to get rejected.
But platina works for my ego, and bad feelings about myself, and it brings up feelings of hurt which makes me feel the hurt and I am different than. Not restless, not wanting something to change quick etc
I saw a video yesterday of my old country, the city, people etc. And oh god this made me almost cry. I feel like I have been 'lost' over the years especially when I isolated myself and got the BDD etc. If I could live in my old country I would feel like I am found again. Feel good and get in contact with the old life again. How it used to be.
Isolation and forsaken feeling are also big part of my problem I think and since lycopodium does not have this. I am now for the first time sure that I am probably not it.
Anyway I think there is a reason I only redosed with platina because I could feel a bit of a deeper change, that something happened on this remedy. So I think it is a partial similimum but not it. although I dont know yet.
Thanks
I am also mor compulsive and picked on details about other things (not my appearance). This is how it used to be before the BDD. I threw something against the couch today out of anger because something didnt work. And that is new to me because I usually dont act out. It makes me afraid to throw something out of fear of what this means, that I am going downhill, that is why I never do such thing. But it felt good and there was no fear later. But it is an ugly quality to be angry and throw things around so I dont do this.
A big theme of me is the feeling of being trapped. I assume platina does not have this so I do not expect to get cured from it. Do not expect to get cured of approval seeking, needing to present myself in the best light also always, out of the fear to get rejected.
But platina works for my ego, and bad feelings about myself, and it brings up feelings of hurt which makes me feel the hurt and I am different than. Not restless, not wanting something to change quick etc
I saw a video yesterday of my old country, the city, people etc. And oh god this made me almost cry. I feel like I have been 'lost' over the years especially when I isolated myself and got the BDD etc. If I could live in my old country I would feel like I am found again. Feel good and get in contact with the old life again. How it used to be.
Isolation and forsaken feeling are also big part of my problem I think and since lycopodium does not have this. I am now for the first time sure that I am probably not it.
Anyway I think there is a reason I only redosed with platina because I could feel a bit of a deeper change, that something happened on this remedy. So I think it is a partial similimum but not it. although I dont know yet.
Thanks
starface last decade
No need to be embarrassed, I liked the evocative imagery. You don't sound schizophrenic. Just hang in there.
Where are you from? Where are you living now? For how long?
Where are you from? Where are you living now? For how long?
LisaX last decade
Hi lisax. Thanks for the message again. I know I am not scizophrenic. It was just some aggravation and fear. But I fear that other people might see me that way and this would be really really bad for me. It brings up a bad sensation when I am told by someone I am 'worse than I really am' or beyond help on this forum. There is nothing I can do about it when this happens and it is really bad for me
I am from europe originally and live in a country right next to australia. Sorry I do not wish to put to much personal details on here out of fear some people who know me might read this. I would be so embarassed if that happened. I am living here for 8 years now. And it has been tough. So many years have passed of my life. 8 years went by so quick that it is making me worried.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 24 Nov 2011 07:03:43 GMT]
I am from europe originally and live in a country right next to australia. Sorry I do not wish to put to much personal details on here out of fear some people who know me might read this. I would be so embarassed if that happened. I am living here for 8 years now. And it has been tough. So many years have passed of my life. 8 years went by so quick that it is making me worried.
[message edited by starface on Thu, 24 Nov 2011 07:03:43 GMT]
starface last decade
I had an interesting dream. Which must be of animal nature I would think. But I dont know really. It shows the manipulation or cunningness of me or whatever the right word would be.
... I was going to a basketball field to put air into my basketball. There were a few guys in front of it sitting on a bench and I feared they would do something to me. So to get to the basketball court I had to walk on this narrow pathway and the guys sitting there had something in the way. I feared they would not move the thing and start doing something bad to me. Mistreat me etc? But it did not happen. Than on the court while filling my ball up I could see a guy coming.
He wanted my car keys. And this is where my 'act' starts. I play along and do not try to show fear or that I am worried that they will do something bad to me. So I freely gave the keys and said I just want to sit in the back. Pretending that I do not think they want to take my things. So we went for a ride and a police car started chasing us. They guy stepped on the gas and I was worried of crashing. So I put my foot from my seat onto the brake pedal and told the guy in a nice way that it is best to slow down. He will get caught otherwise anyway and we can say that he was speeding because I was wanting to sell him my car and he just wanted to test the car out before buying.
... I would pretend I want the best for him to not get caught and play along to the end. Just to get him to stop the car and once the police would be around I would probably talk to the police man away from the guy and tell them what happened.
That is how I am in situations where I am powerless to defend myself.
--
Another dream was really strange. There was an audience and performance. A guy had to dance with a girl but for some reason he couldnt so I stepped in and danced with the girl. I had to act I am in love and show emotions like an actor and I thought that was easy because I felt so good being in the presence of a girl that I felt naturally all those good emotions. Dancing with a girl, doing something that is 'close' makes me feel so good always.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:41:52 GMT]
... I was going to a basketball field to put air into my basketball. There were a few guys in front of it sitting on a bench and I feared they would do something to me. So to get to the basketball court I had to walk on this narrow pathway and the guys sitting there had something in the way. I feared they would not move the thing and start doing something bad to me. Mistreat me etc? But it did not happen. Than on the court while filling my ball up I could see a guy coming.
He wanted my car keys. And this is where my 'act' starts. I play along and do not try to show fear or that I am worried that they will do something bad to me. So I freely gave the keys and said I just want to sit in the back. Pretending that I do not think they want to take my things. So we went for a ride and a police car started chasing us. They guy stepped on the gas and I was worried of crashing. So I put my foot from my seat onto the brake pedal and told the guy in a nice way that it is best to slow down. He will get caught otherwise anyway and we can say that he was speeding because I was wanting to sell him my car and he just wanted to test the car out before buying.
... I would pretend I want the best for him to not get caught and play along to the end. Just to get him to stop the car and once the police would be around I would probably talk to the police man away from the guy and tell them what happened.
That is how I am in situations where I am powerless to defend myself.
--
Another dream was really strange. There was an audience and performance. A guy had to dance with a girl but for some reason he couldnt so I stepped in and danced with the girl. I had to act I am in love and show emotions like an actor and I thought that was easy because I felt so good being in the presence of a girl that I felt naturally all those good emotions. Dancing with a girl, doing something that is 'close' makes me feel so good always.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 00:41:52 GMT]
starface last decade
I am feeling a bit restless today, demanding in the sense of that for the past few days, weeks I didnt worry about whether my posts are being read by homeopath. Now it matters again and the sensation when the thought that my posts might not be even read is not a nice one either. One of overactivity. As if pressed against a wall or being caught. Something like that. My ugly ego seems to be back too.
Ah I have much more insight into my issues and could write quite a long post but I am not going to. When things I do arent working out they leave me feeling really bad. Like me writing a long post and than the worry that it was not even read. It goes back to the above sensation of being trapped as I described (pressed against a wall or being caught)... If you were trapped and trying to do something to get out. But then you find out this attempt didnt work. It would leave you feeling much worse in the end after the failed attempt. That is the same with me.
Why my ego is ugly to me is because attractiveness is very important to me. And being egoistic is ugly (unattractive). Jelousy the same; boasting the same; embarrassment, humiliation, fear is all ugly too. Because those are just ugly traits.
But I know I can try to filter out all those ugly things as much as I want. At the core I will always be the same, because of the feeling of being a victim when things dont go as they should, where my ugly ego comes then, because I am small etc. I will never be like for example how some famous people or celebrities are. I dont know if I can describe what I mean accurately. Through their behaviors you can see who they are. Not hateful, jelous or ugly ego when things dont go their way but they behave in such situations like people who are loving and have self worth. But some other people react with the ugly ego of being offended, victimised, jelous and this is just bad. It reveals to much about oneself when this happens. To many ugly thruths. And loss of position than happens too.
I dont know if that makes sense to someone else.
==
I found it interesting that in the above dream about being attacked by people how I dealt with it in the dream. Right now in real life I would be the innocent nice guy who no one could want to hurt I guess. I am not sure whether this is manipulation or not. But thinking of myself as a cunning or manipulative person doesnt make me feel good at all. What kind of person does feel the need to be like that only a small one.
===
Today life seems to be at a standstill again. Nothing happening. And it feels like I must create a change again, to get something going. But I wont.
===
I would feel embarrassed for my family members reading my posts because they dont know me like that. Someone who is open and all over the place like me on here is embarrassing to me. To my family members.
I noticed also that over the phone when I txt my brothers I am much much nicer and friendly, more human. Which I like but face to face my ego is in the way again. I hate it. It makes me feel immature, unable to grow or change etc.
==
I dont want to go to university or work because it feels like I would just go from one trap to another. Uni to me means being inside the house for a year and just studying. Work the same. Unless it is work where you deal with people primarily
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:38:54 GMT]
Ah I have much more insight into my issues and could write quite a long post but I am not going to. When things I do arent working out they leave me feeling really bad. Like me writing a long post and than the worry that it was not even read. It goes back to the above sensation of being trapped as I described (pressed against a wall or being caught)... If you were trapped and trying to do something to get out. But then you find out this attempt didnt work. It would leave you feeling much worse in the end after the failed attempt. That is the same with me.
Why my ego is ugly to me is because attractiveness is very important to me. And being egoistic is ugly (unattractive). Jelousy the same; boasting the same; embarrassment, humiliation, fear is all ugly too. Because those are just ugly traits.
But I know I can try to filter out all those ugly things as much as I want. At the core I will always be the same, because of the feeling of being a victim when things dont go as they should, where my ugly ego comes then, because I am small etc. I will never be like for example how some famous people or celebrities are. I dont know if I can describe what I mean accurately. Through their behaviors you can see who they are. Not hateful, jelous or ugly ego when things dont go their way but they behave in such situations like people who are loving and have self worth. But some other people react with the ugly ego of being offended, victimised, jelous and this is just bad. It reveals to much about oneself when this happens. To many ugly thruths. And loss of position than happens too.
I dont know if that makes sense to someone else.
==
I found it interesting that in the above dream about being attacked by people how I dealt with it in the dream. Right now in real life I would be the innocent nice guy who no one could want to hurt I guess. I am not sure whether this is manipulation or not. But thinking of myself as a cunning or manipulative person doesnt make me feel good at all. What kind of person does feel the need to be like that only a small one.
===
Today life seems to be at a standstill again. Nothing happening. And it feels like I must create a change again, to get something going. But I wont.
===
I would feel embarrassed for my family members reading my posts because they dont know me like that. Someone who is open and all over the place like me on here is embarrassing to me. To my family members.
I noticed also that over the phone when I txt my brothers I am much much nicer and friendly, more human. Which I like but face to face my ego is in the way again. I hate it. It makes me feel immature, unable to grow or change etc.
==
I dont want to go to university or work because it feels like I would just go from one trap to another. Uni to me means being inside the house for a year and just studying. Work the same. Unless it is work where you deal with people primarily
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:38:54 GMT]
starface last decade
I am in such hurry to post always that I never have time to proof read before posting so I always do it later to edit out the mistakes I made. lol
It is vital because if my posts cause someone a headache from the mistakes noone will read them which is the worst outcome.
I am still pretty much the same since taking platina except I feel better pysichally and maybe a bit more confident
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:32:54 GMT]
It is vital because if my posts cause someone a headache from the mistakes noone will read them which is the worst outcome.
I am still pretty much the same since taking platina except I feel better pysichally and maybe a bit more confident
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 01:32:54 GMT]
starface last decade
I am not happy with my previous post. I dont think I was accurate in it. I do feel generally better. Better about myself since the platina and I feel like it is possible to feel good about myself again and enjoy interacting. It gave me a glimpse of the other side again where one feels good about presenting himself, where socializing can be fun.
But I feel like I am all over the place today again. I am not certain of things. Whether I am accurate or not. Whether I am talking about the right issues or not. I am just not happy and irritated. Definitely my issues are a bit back today.
I dont know what remedy I am or anything. I remember I saw a few weeks ago a musician on the TV on a music show and he was sooo sensitive and shy. He was just like me. How I would imagine myself to be. It hurt to me to watch him. Because I could see how he tried to pretend. For example he would look down but when he was told to wave at the camera or something he would do it. It just so hurt me to watch someone like this who is so sensitive and trieing. Than he was touching cameras around and stuff to not appear shy and I could not bear watching it anymore. I feared any moment someone of the 2 moderators will hurt him about being shy or something. I would not be able to see his reaction to this. If this happened to me in real life it would of break me. And it would be utter humiliation.
I am very sensitive to being mistreated like this by people too. It breaks me and I dont know how to act anymore than.
But I feel like I am all over the place today again. I am not certain of things. Whether I am accurate or not. Whether I am talking about the right issues or not. I am just not happy and irritated. Definitely my issues are a bit back today.
I dont know what remedy I am or anything. I remember I saw a few weeks ago a musician on the TV on a music show and he was sooo sensitive and shy. He was just like me. How I would imagine myself to be. It hurt to me to watch him. Because I could see how he tried to pretend. For example he would look down but when he was told to wave at the camera or something he would do it. It just so hurt me to watch someone like this who is so sensitive and trieing. Than he was touching cameras around and stuff to not appear shy and I could not bear watching it anymore. I feared any moment someone of the 2 moderators will hurt him about being shy or something. I would not be able to see his reaction to this. If this happened to me in real life it would of break me. And it would be utter humiliation.
I am very sensitive to being mistreated like this by people too. It breaks me and I dont know how to act anymore than.
starface last decade
I am feeling this paralyizing weakness in chest, arms again for the past few days. I had it up until taking alumina from my previous homeopath from the USA. I did not have it from then on anymore. It is like I am very weak and just want to lay down in the afternoon. But it isnt that bad because my mind feels lighter. Back than my body and mind were both in a bad state.
Since first time I took platina 1M I am not going out that much anymore which I dont know whether it is good or bad. I think it is good since I was compulsively going out but now I dont do this anymore. Although today while I am feeling not that good I am thinking about it.
I hate that I have gotten my computer back. It is like an addiction which is keeping me inside the house and my life passing by. I am not really that addicted this time. And already feel fed up with it. No happiness at all. I noticed I played for about an hour a video game and already fear came later and a bit of BDD because this is danger to me, being on a computer and isolating/distancing myself. So since finishing playing I am feeling very heavy in throat head all over body again. I want a social life. And I am trying to moderate my time spent on the computer, and it is easier anyway because some things have changed for the better about me it seems.
I think Platina was a really good remedy but it didnt do that much either. My BDD isnt destructive anymore that is good. I feel generally better and feel like socializing could be possible in the future. Physically I am better apart from feeling heaviness now again, but it is better, easier to cope because my head feels good . Like I mentioned in a post a few nights ago I had an aggravation and I was so afraid at night that I could not sleep without the light on or look anywhere. Crazy aggravation. Than a family member woke up and kept annoying me and I was so angry and unfairly yelled at the family member because my pride was hurt I guess from having to sleep with the light on and I had the fear that I am going crazy or downhill by yelling at the family member which was wrong. I was unsure about what I am doing. This is always like that with me In my mind I check in with myself, and think about whether my behaviours are justified or not, whether I am being good or bad right now. And if they are bad it makes no difference I cannot stop it in the moment and feel bad later about it. I dont think this is the aurum type of symptom but different. I noticed I am yelling at the family member out of self protection which makes me feel bad to do such thing. Unfairly yelling at someone just to protect myself. Although to not make myself look really bad now the family member did yell at me for leaving the light on and that is why I got angry back. But in my mind I knew where the anger was coming from and it is depressing I wished I wouldnt have read a few books in the past. Because the knowledge I gained doesnt really help.
Since first time I took platina 1M I am not going out that much anymore which I dont know whether it is good or bad. I think it is good since I was compulsively going out but now I dont do this anymore. Although today while I am feeling not that good I am thinking about it.
I hate that I have gotten my computer back. It is like an addiction which is keeping me inside the house and my life passing by. I am not really that addicted this time. And already feel fed up with it. No happiness at all. I noticed I played for about an hour a video game and already fear came later and a bit of BDD because this is danger to me, being on a computer and isolating/distancing myself. So since finishing playing I am feeling very heavy in throat head all over body again. I want a social life. And I am trying to moderate my time spent on the computer, and it is easier anyway because some things have changed for the better about me it seems.
I think Platina was a really good remedy but it didnt do that much either. My BDD isnt destructive anymore that is good. I feel generally better and feel like socializing could be possible in the future. Physically I am better apart from feeling heaviness now again, but it is better, easier to cope because my head feels good . Like I mentioned in a post a few nights ago I had an aggravation and I was so afraid at night that I could not sleep without the light on or look anywhere. Crazy aggravation. Than a family member woke up and kept annoying me and I was so angry and unfairly yelled at the family member because my pride was hurt I guess from having to sleep with the light on and I had the fear that I am going crazy or downhill by yelling at the family member which was wrong. I was unsure about what I am doing. This is always like that with me In my mind I check in with myself, and think about whether my behaviours are justified or not, whether I am being good or bad right now. And if they are bad it makes no difference I cannot stop it in the moment and feel bad later about it. I dont think this is the aurum type of symptom but different. I noticed I am yelling at the family member out of self protection which makes me feel bad to do such thing. Unfairly yelling at someone just to protect myself. Although to not make myself look really bad now the family member did yell at me for leaving the light on and that is why I got angry back. But in my mind I knew where the anger was coming from and it is depressing I wished I wouldnt have read a few books in the past. Because the knowledge I gained doesnt really help.
starface last decade
I have been reading a bit again. About Platina & palladium and I dont even know what platina symptom I fit, that it somehow worked for me partially. Well there is one about distancing myself that I can only identify with. Or being averse to certain people. Like a few days ago I remember I saw the typical native people in this country I live in and I felt like I could never be with such people in company. But the strange thing is if I were approached by those people I would be nice and even feel good in their presence if they were nice to me too I guess.
I am still puzzled over why I had the reaction I had while taking palladium. Why? I have taken many remedies and never did I get such intensity and need to fight from any remedy, not even from platina except some contempt for people on one night got aggravated.
Why would that be so? I took the scorpio who is supposed to have a superhuman ego but I only felt bad feelings about myself on that remedy. Or from lachesis or lycopodium nothing either
I found this on the internet
sorry I feel I have to throw in a negative here. This is a problem within homeopathy these days in that we have put so much emphasis on mentals, 'constitution' and charactersitics of the person that we have lost sight of what we are supposed to be considering - the vital force. For me Platina is syphylitic through and through. It is as syphilitic as aurum and mercury which it sits beside on the peiodic table. This is what I was taught and I go along with that teaching.
The problem is when we talk about suggested Rubrics:
* Ailments - mortification/wounded honour/being offended/egotism.
* Delusions - abused/criticized/insulted/neglected/tall/enlarged.
* MIND - HAUGHTY - wounded self-esteem; wishes to be flattered
* MIND - CONFIDENCE - want of self-confidence
* MIND - DICTATORIAL
Of course these are in platina, as you can also find in psoric or other remedies. But these rubrics are MENTAL CHARACTERISTICS which tell us nothing of the vital energy. The thing that tells us what miasm they are in is not 'what they are' but 'depth and pace of reaction'. So for instance * Delusions - haughty - in here we find SULPH big time, LACH and many others but what would indicate why this rubric applies to such different remedies? It is the meaning of the rubric in terms of the wider picture. So yes sulph is haughty but in sulph the vital reaction is about getting opne up on somone else, they have to dominate a discussion to show they have a superior theory because their survival depends on bolstering their weak ego. Their reaction is to try to show better intelligence. Lach is haughty because they are in a constant anamalistic competition with their perceived rivals, their reaction is to keep on top of the scene, dominate by taking over the scene ( loquacity) and watch your back. Platina is haughty because their world of priviledge is a sham and they are losing it so they have to put on this show while all around them in decaying and dangerous. Their reaction is to be the one that would stab lachesis or sulphur in the back before comitting suicide. The reaction is syphilitic.
And just to make a final point. I am only talking mentals because that is what was mentioned. You will get the misam of any remedy by looking at what process underlies all the symptoms. So what process mainly underlies physicals, mentals and emotionals in Platina? These are breakdown, decay, necrosis. This is seen in physicals (skin - eruptions, syphylitic), mentals (delusion - body, torn into rags) and emotional (mind - anxiety, salvation about - hell). Platina is a deeply syphilitic remedy.
Palladium is only listed as sycotic so it should represent the sycotic miasm well. In my understanding, a syphilitic remedy is short on positive pathways and quickly hits the negative pathway. They can't compensate because they are already so ill. This is the differentiating mental aspect. All remedies have psoric, sycotic and syphilitic stages. In the provings platina wants to kiss everyone just like pulsatilla. This affection could be psoric but how long will a remedy like Platina stay in that emotional state? Not for long. You can see the syphilitic behavior in Platina because platina has very few positive compensations She has that large ego and is so highly sexed yet with the need to have a spiritual relationship she is almost doomed to fail. She can barely be positive. Platina feels so great she is soon isolated. She then gets restess and changeable and quickly heads to the negative side with depression, forgetfulness, morose. Platina is psoric/syphilitic whereas Palladium is psoric/sycotic. Palladium wants to be viewed as great but Platina is already there. That's why the delusion she is separate from her family.
If they dont get sufficient attention they can hide away to lick their wounds in private.
This is the depressive side of the remedy when their search for admiration runs dry. This can happen if parents laugh at or tease these children when they were very young. You are a failure, a good for nothing. This is one of the worst things you could say to a young palladium.
I didnt know platinas key characteristics are Pride & SUSCEPTABILITY... susceptability to offence
Well anyway I got issues with intimacy beside approval seeking and attention seeking. Issue with deep emotional topics. Discussing them. So I am thinking natrum muriaticum still. But it is probably wrong.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:40:53 GMT]
I am still puzzled over why I had the reaction I had while taking palladium. Why? I have taken many remedies and never did I get such intensity and need to fight from any remedy, not even from platina except some contempt for people on one night got aggravated.
Why would that be so? I took the scorpio who is supposed to have a superhuman ego but I only felt bad feelings about myself on that remedy. Or from lachesis or lycopodium nothing either
I found this on the internet
sorry I feel I have to throw in a negative here. This is a problem within homeopathy these days in that we have put so much emphasis on mentals, 'constitution' and charactersitics of the person that we have lost sight of what we are supposed to be considering - the vital force. For me Platina is syphylitic through and through. It is as syphilitic as aurum and mercury which it sits beside on the peiodic table. This is what I was taught and I go along with that teaching.
The problem is when we talk about suggested Rubrics:
* Ailments - mortification/wounded honour/being offended/egotism.
* Delusions - abused/criticized/insulted/neglected/tall/enlarged.
* MIND - HAUGHTY - wounded self-esteem; wishes to be flattered
* MIND - CONFIDENCE - want of self-confidence
* MIND - DICTATORIAL
Of course these are in platina, as you can also find in psoric or other remedies. But these rubrics are MENTAL CHARACTERISTICS which tell us nothing of the vital energy. The thing that tells us what miasm they are in is not 'what they are' but 'depth and pace of reaction'. So for instance * Delusions - haughty - in here we find SULPH big time, LACH and many others but what would indicate why this rubric applies to such different remedies? It is the meaning of the rubric in terms of the wider picture. So yes sulph is haughty but in sulph the vital reaction is about getting opne up on somone else, they have to dominate a discussion to show they have a superior theory because their survival depends on bolstering their weak ego. Their reaction is to try to show better intelligence. Lach is haughty because they are in a constant anamalistic competition with their perceived rivals, their reaction is to keep on top of the scene, dominate by taking over the scene ( loquacity) and watch your back. Platina is haughty because their world of priviledge is a sham and they are losing it so they have to put on this show while all around them in decaying and dangerous. Their reaction is to be the one that would stab lachesis or sulphur in the back before comitting suicide. The reaction is syphilitic.
And just to make a final point. I am only talking mentals because that is what was mentioned. You will get the misam of any remedy by looking at what process underlies all the symptoms. So what process mainly underlies physicals, mentals and emotionals in Platina? These are breakdown, decay, necrosis. This is seen in physicals (skin - eruptions, syphylitic), mentals (delusion - body, torn into rags) and emotional (mind - anxiety, salvation about - hell). Platina is a deeply syphilitic remedy.
Palladium is only listed as sycotic so it should represent the sycotic miasm well. In my understanding, a syphilitic remedy is short on positive pathways and quickly hits the negative pathway. They can't compensate because they are already so ill. This is the differentiating mental aspect. All remedies have psoric, sycotic and syphilitic stages. In the provings platina wants to kiss everyone just like pulsatilla. This affection could be psoric but how long will a remedy like Platina stay in that emotional state? Not for long. You can see the syphilitic behavior in Platina because platina has very few positive compensations She has that large ego and is so highly sexed yet with the need to have a spiritual relationship she is almost doomed to fail. She can barely be positive. Platina feels so great she is soon isolated. She then gets restess and changeable and quickly heads to the negative side with depression, forgetfulness, morose. Platina is psoric/syphilitic whereas Palladium is psoric/sycotic. Palladium wants to be viewed as great but Platina is already there. That's why the delusion she is separate from her family.
If they dont get sufficient attention they can hide away to lick their wounds in private.
This is the depressive side of the remedy when their search for admiration runs dry. This can happen if parents laugh at or tease these children when they were very young. You are a failure, a good for nothing. This is one of the worst things you could say to a young palladium.
I didnt know platinas key characteristics are Pride & SUSCEPTABILITY... susceptability to offence
Well anyway I got issues with intimacy beside approval seeking and attention seeking. Issue with deep emotional topics. Discussing them. So I am thinking natrum muriaticum still. But it is probably wrong.
[message edited by starface on Wed, 23 Nov 2011 13:40:53 GMT]
starface last decade
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