Social Anxiety Disorder

Hello everyone:), I have social anxiety disorder, depression and recently also since last year showed symptoms of body dysmorphia even though i been told i am attractive looking many times.

I sent this email below to a homeopath and based on this she sent me Baryta carbonica 30c. I was almost certain that she will send me Natrum Muriaticum. I dont feel mentally retarded, maybe a bit immature yes but no retardation, i only have speech difficulties when i am anxious, heart beating very fast.

So here is the email if anyone has the time to read it and give me his opinion on what remedy i would need thanks






Hi *****

Thank you for your reply. Yes email is better, I don’t think I would be able to talk about my issues with someone else because of my anxiety and also because I don’t like talking about how I feel. I never really could so with my parents. I am just opening up a little more to my mother about my issues recently and talk with her about my social anxiety but its very uncomfortable because I feel embarrassed, I feel she puts me down and looks at me in disbelief like that I over exaggerate my difficulties I still cant admit to her that I am depressed, I feel she will get angry and ridicule me, I know its strange. My father he says I am being silly, there is no such thing as social anxiety, I am not gona die from talking to people, he is very difficult to deal with, but he acts anxious around other people to at times…By the way my mother says she had social anxiety with panic attacks herself when she was maybe around 25 after giving birth to my youngest brother and got healed with homeopathy, she got some injections at first for the panic attacks I believe and then 3 different remedies but she cant remember them.

Before answering your questions I will give you a brief history about myself,

Well before having my first anxiety attack around people at around 14 years of age, I didn’t really have any problems around other people except my family that I can think of, I was just shy before meeting someone new, later I could talk normally with everyone and even too much that everyone told me to shut up. There were though some situations that I remember now that were a bit difficult like when I changed soccer clubs and started playing soccer in the same club as my brother with a bit older guys than me, I would just cling to my brother and feel so strange (hard to describe how I felt), afraid of being ridiculed or something, just not wanting to make any friends with anyone and feel like a fool around people, my performance would slip, I was a good soccer player but around those a bit older people I just couldn’t play, and I never wanted my parents to watch come and watch any soccer game, because again I cant describe it, I would feel so strange, I guess embarrassed I don’t know, my mother seeing me with other people playing
At home I had many fights with my parents almost daily. I remember I was never allowed to say anything back, this was brought up so many times, my parents would say my teachers tell them I talk always back which is bad. My parents were very critical and punished me for every little mistake. My mother could be nice and very critical, but my father could never be nice, just kind of cold I don’t have a good relationship with my father still as of today, we almost never talk. I fell anxious and in danger around him like I feel around other people as of today.

Than there came a time from when I was 12 on till about 14 where my mother and father would fight almost every third day. It was very difficult, my father would hit her a lot of times, my mother once damaged all the furniture and tried to blow up the house. I remember I was so afraid and afraid to lose them both. She tried to run away many times,I was constantly stressed in school and at home when I knew they were fighting.

Other things I remember are that I always had to do things how they wanted them and how they liked it, If they said I need to wear this, buy this clothes and I didn’t like them they got so mad, if I thought they are being unreasonable or bad they made me feel guilty in a moment, if I wanted to go out even when I was 15 16 I always had to ask them like a baby and even my friends said that’s is a bit strange, “just tell them you are going out to a friend”. I never liked having any friends over at my house because I would feel embarrassed for our house my parents which I didn’t understand why. I remember once I had long hair and then shaved them off and when I went to school everyone laughed at me pretty hard, oh that was one horrible day, since than I just worry so much when I need to cut my hair, and many times I skipped school for the first week till my hair grew back a bit before I felt safe to go to school. At the time I was kind of popular in school in my class, was friends with almost everyone and the girls seemed to like me a lot but then…

..Came the time when my brother started smoking marijuana and some friends of his who were my friends also and then I started with time also and from then on my life just got worse and worse as the years went by. Again what happened was the people I smoked with were all kind of older than me, I was 14, my brother 16, and all other people were around 18 to 25. I started hanging out more and more with them and smoking, doing bad things like skipping school, I wasn’t in school much anymore and didn’t see my school mates much anymore also. When I got back to school I felt like my friends don’t like me that much anymore they grew distant of me.
So when I was smoking marijuana with my brother and those older people I didn’t feel at ease and comfortable, Which made my voice sound kind of strange, made me act just strange and be quiet, and so the problem started when those people started picking on me, saying things like they cant understand me, why do I talk so strange, why I am so uncommunicative and so on and so on, (funny that now if I have to talk to someone on the phone or in person,the same fears go through my mind that my voice will sound strange, no one will understand me, and that exactly happens than because I get so anxious). To continue I started dreading meeting with those people but I still went to meet them because I had no one else at this point, later on those people would just pick on me for 100 different things that I do strange or wrong, I started to act so unnatural and so not me around them, I would be so confused about what to say not say, just be quiet there but then again worry that I am to quiet and they will pick on me again. I had one person who was like my safe person that I would be normal around him like me when we are alone, but around other people I would always hide behind him and even he would make fun out of me in front of the others for that reason.

So than I had to change schools, I went to school for the first day than I skipped school for two months, I didn’t know why, I tried to come up with excuses that I am tired and all that stuff, but in the end my new teacher called asking if I went to a different school or what and my parents found out, who then hit me and spit on me for doing that, I remember I had to go and see that teacher that day and talk to her with my mother about why I didn’t go to school, I mentioned all the excuses but she said she believes I was afraid of her class and that’s why I didn’t go. I wasn’t expelled from the school she gave me a second chance, but again close to the end of the school year I got back to my old habits of skipping school smoking marijuana and didn’t pass that year, my grades were to bad, so I had to repeat the year and I felt I disappointed her. In the school holidays I remember I was mostly on my own on the inside, I started avoiding my old friends the ones I smoked marijuana with, because I couldn’t handle their criticism anymore. I remember I got to feel so low, so unwanted, depressed, had no self esteem anymore because I stayed just inside and felt lonely I guess, I know now it was a bad decision to just stay inside. Before that I was just really anxious around those people I smoked marijuana with, but in the new school I was still fine around my schoolmates and didn’t have those worries and fears, except when I had to stand in front of class. After the school holidays I remember I started to act so strange and worry about how I talk and all that stuff around everyone and feel like I will be embarrassed, shamed from everyone.

Next year in school was pretty bad, I started to get ridiculed from classmates from my age, I would just go to school and home to play video games, I would get embarrassed for every little thing, like just moving houses and not saying that to my class mates and once a classmate mentioned I don’t live anymore in this place I would get so embarrassed and blush.

Then I found out from my parents that we will be moving to new Zealand, so I just told them if I can stay at home because I hated to go to school, couldn’t stand the ridicule and see how low I have gotten anymore, so I was at home just playing video games before we left to new Zealand, I was looking forward to it to a new start but I was so wrong, my problems gotten worse, my anxiety got so bad, I thought I already talk strange and no one can understand me, now I had to talk in a new language that I didn’t know well, and I had no one but my parents and two brothers who weren’t to nice people anyway. The ridicule continued, if a stranger approached me in new Zealand on a bus or somewhere for example I would blush, sweat talk so quietly and strange, the guy would look at me like what is wrong with me, I would just look at my brother than when I couldn’t continue anymore and he would look at me in disbelief and just shake his head and start a conversation with the guy, I felt so horrible about myself. Or if I had to go to mc donalds with my brother, he would say “you order for us 2, I always do it”, and I got so anxious before going in I just knew it will go so bad, I was even to afraid to say no in fear of ridicule that he will know the reason that I am to afraid to do it. So I had no choice full of anxiety I cant even look the mc donalds guy in the eyes, I say number one and 2 and look at him all scared in fear he didn’t understand me and again I get this look that I hate so much that he didn’t understand me and looked at me quite stressed too, I looked at my brother for help but he again just shook his head and gave me the same look, I feel so depressed and worthless later, I dwell on such situations for hours later.

Anyway I started getting more and more anxious, the symptoms would get so bad, that I would get constantly told I look so pale, so thin, that I will dry out or something I started hating eating at the table with my family, because the only people I had started critizising me so hard to even at home, if I played video games in front of the tv and someone was in front of me, I immediately started getting anxious thinking they are looking at me and I will get critisied or ridiculed for something, later on I would start to stare and get so uptight if someone looks at me, so I would immediately have to cover my face or go in my room or something because I didn’t want them to see me like this, and feared so much that they will comment on how I am staring. My brother and father would constantly pick on me, like I don’t do the dishes, or I didn’t clean up after myself, or that stuff, once I got so mad because I felt injustice was done to me, that I couldn’t let It go even after hours after my father got to work and I had a fight with my brother and my neighbour called the police, strangely enough I didn’t feel to anxious talking to the police about what happened, I was kind of ok, I thought that was strange, maybe because I stood up for myself, but my father got so mad later when he came home and hit me.

After my first year in new Zealand I had to go to school here in new Zealand, do year 13 when I was 17 years old, I remember when I got the news, I was so shocked, scared and anxious. So it was one very difficult time going to school, being new and have this big social anxiety problem and by the end of it i would have enough of this anxiety and look for self help options and medications, but nothing really helped so far. I would feel so paranoid that everyone who looks at me thinks something negative of me. I would stare with my eyes every time in closed places with people inside, like buses, class rooms, gyms, but outside I wouldn’t stare just have this tense face. Staring is my biggest problem at the moment, I feel so disliked If I look like this at someone and like everyone hates that. I had some friends though about 5 I could talk with, still be shy and not really open up but kind of talk and I would feel kind of ok, they were exchange students. I remember on couple of occasions on buses and in classrooms where people said things like did you see his eyes when I stared or gave me a staring look back, it hurt me so much, I cant stand this.

I remember one friend once mentioned that girls where asking him about me who I am, that I am hot and so on, and he said back that it seems that everyone likes me and that made my day, I remember I had to go to my most difficult class than geography where I was singled out before the class many times and got panic attacks but that day I wasn’t anxious at all but just holding that beautiful thought that everyone like me in my head and it made me feel good. But like always next day it was all over, every new day in the morning I feel like I have to start at rock bottom again and build up my confidence again
Also once 2 girls touched me on a bus from behind at my face and I remember I got so emotional and almost started crying and the girls than asked me if I am crying and from than on never came close to me again.

I could never say to girls hi back again when they greeted me. There was only one girl I talked to because she approached me on a day where I felt kind of good, and could befriend her, and she wasn’t to attractive to me, so to those kind of girls I am a bit less anxious around. But I could never be fun around her, just talk about school stuff and in the end she didn’t even talk to me anymore, that hurt to and is one reason I don’t want to talk to anyone because I know they wont like me and reject me in the end.

Well after school was over, I just stayed at home alone, didn’t want to go to university
(I didn’t go for the last 2 weeks because I feared there will be a kind of ceremony or whatever for year 13 students who leave school now and feared I might have to stand in front of lots of people).

I tried to overcome my anxiety with lots of different self help methods, in the mean time I tried to make myself an e commerce website but failed at it because I was to perfectionistic, my writing for the website wasn’t up to my standard so I gave it up, with all those years I stayed home alone without much social contact I got more depressed and developed other issues like my body dysmorphia, appearance is very important to me, it’s the one thing I got some approval for and interest from other people before I started to bore them and they left me alone, so when I got really depressed I guess I started feeling ugly and worry I am loosing my looks, my hair is falling out a bit, my chin Is to small, my nose to big, my teeth to small, I just saw issues about how I look that I never saw before. I got some marks on my hands now because I tried to cut out some sun spots which I thought look ugly and constantly picking on my face trying to change something.
I feel some things are much better now than they used to be but most are still the same, I did a lot of self help over those last 5 years. But at the moment I am kind of depressed about it all, I feel I am 23 already and got nothing in life and I am losing my young years, missing out on the best time in my life, I used to really stress about this about a year ago and really absolutely wanted to get over this before I turn 22 or it will be to late, but again I don’t worry about this to much anymore,

To answer your questions:

My anxiety: I feel anxious and on the look out for danger pretty much all day, what I mean by this is before I go out I check no neighbour is outside, if I am alone in the living room and my parents upstairs I will try to leave the living room as quick as I can, I don’t want to be there if the phone rings or someone knocks on the door and I have to answer than)
I have far more difficulty looking at my neighbour in the eye than lets say a stranger I will see just once, but both of course are a big problem, but I can take it somehow If I messed up and stared at a stranger,) but not someone like my neighbour or my younger brothers friends (I wont dwell on it for to long is the only difference I guess. I Never talk to any of my brothers friends they are around 14, I know them for about 3 years now, I only talked to 2 or 3 maybe once on a phone to tell them my brother isn’t at home when they rang. I could not talk to them in person though, just a week ago one of his friends for the first time said something to me and I didn’t understand what he said and thought automatically that he tried to ridicule me, and I felt so foolish for not saying anything back and I also got irritated that he said something to me, like are they all now starting to talk to me and I will never reply and just walk away, I felt less than them for that.


My anxiety gets a bit better at night, I feel a bit more relaxed than, I could talk to someone maybe at night still anxious of course, but throughout the day, I would just run away if someone wanted to talk with me I would not be able to control my anxiety and just walk by like I didn’t hear them or whatever. At night though I feel more lonely and depressed wanting social contact but I cant make myself to want to talk to someone or anything out of fear.

My anxiety is a bit better when it’s a sunny clear day, for one reason that brightness always helps a bit, (I remember in school also, once the sun was really shining in my face and I really liked it and a teacher asked me something once and I replied confidently without being able to see his face or anyones for that matter because the sun was shining in my face so hard, but than the sun went away and he asked me something again and I saw his face waiting for a response and I panicked and he looked at me strange again what is wrong with me)… the other reason is that I can wear sunnglases and cover my eyes, it helps a bit, my self consciousness about my eyes goes away, but than I feel for some reason like everyone is judging me about being a drug addict, because I walk so uptight from my anxiety and that I try to cover my eyes with my sunglasses.

When its cloudy outside grey and dark, than my anxiety gets bad on those days I feel so horrible, I have real difficulty going out, going by people even if I look down, its really horrible, even inside the house I feel like something is holding me down, pressing on me and I need to break out of it. Hard to describe

Blushing is one big problem to, I blush for every little thing, If I feel someone on the street is looking at me for a bit to long I feel he knows I am weird, and now he is looking at me to laugh at me, so I blush if someone looks at me for to long, I blush if I have to open my mouth and say something, I blush if on a bus I have to sit on the seat were there are those 4 seats close to the front that looks back at everyone. I blush really quickly

If I don’t get enough sleep which I rarely do my anxiety gets pretty bad too, I have this tension in my head than that is just to strong to control and makes me panicky if I get anxious.

I feel really anxious if I sit on a couch for example with my family, I feel in danger of someone saying something to me and I have to look in his eyes than and if other people are around also its even worse, to make my anxiety less intense, I have to put myself into a position where I am kind of hidden or touch my head, rub my eyes when I talk, it makes my anxiety less strong,

Also when I look in the mirror or read a book, or am on a computer I feel this tension in my shoulders, forehead, neck, stomach, back, arms, eyes, mouth that is unbearable and touching my head always helps, or leaning against something

So when I am around people and feeling really anxious I will touch myself on my head arms, many places to make my anxiety more bearable but sometimes I feel I overdue it and makes me self-conscious.

I remember once in school I went to KFC in the lunch break and eat a lot so I was full, and went back for the last class of the day, and felt less anxious than usual, for the first time I called a girl by her name, I was as surprised at that as she was.

Or when I was in the class room sitting with other people close to me and they were talking with each other I felt so awful they are talking all nice and I am here alone not being able to talk with them and a girl once said say something I believe after we 2 made eye contact for half a second before I quickly looked away. That really hurt because it tells me she knows I am shy not talking, it just made me feel less/low. I don’t know if she really said this or I just imagined it, in such high anxiety situations I cant tell if its real or imagined, One part of me says she couldn’t have said such mean thing, it cant be true, and the other part of me fears that she did say it and makes me feel so confused why she did it, and mad, and just lost what do I do now

Same thing if I go in a shopping mall or places with lots of people, everyone I see smiling I will assume its me who he is smiling about, and then at times again I will really feel like someone is laughing at me and feel so lost confused again to what I did wrong, so out of control that I cant do anything about it people just laugh at me, and I will question at times if that really happened or I just imagined it, this cant be true I will feel.

I will list all my symptoms and worries of anxiety if for example I have to go in a shopping mall, which is really difficult for me, it’s a closed space not open, where my eye staring problem gets so bad, and I might blush and get an anxiety attack at the slightest sense of feeling I am being critizised or ridiculed by someone I walk past or see. The thing is I am so afraid of going in there because I know how I will embarrass myself and how I will look scared so that people really look at me strange when I make such afraid facial expressions. I cant stand myself when I make such afraid expressions, I feel so low, unwanted like s**t than. I once got so angry and felt this hate at myself that I started hitting myself on the head, but I stopped soon because I got afraid I might do something stupid.

Anticipatory anxiety first, in my stomach and head I guess the most and throat, chest, worry about how I will embarrass myself, how people will look at me strange, laugh at me, which is the most painfull,

Then close to the shopping mall I will feel like running away, last few meters before entering the shopping mall I will feel like something really bad will happen, and then after I enter it I feel the worst I need a few meters to calm down to get quickly away from the entrance, I don’t dare to look at any people, I stare, walk all uptight, I sweat from my arm pits and my hands shake. Tension all over my body, strongest in my head, behind my eyes, chest, shoulders, neck and stomach, I feel so unnatural if I have to move my head to look left or right because of the tension in my neck. Then walking those narrow long hallways with people coming towards me is so uncomfortable, I cant look down always it will look to strange I cant look at them, I just don’t know what to do,I feel to horrible about myself to look someone in the eye, to let anyone look at me.I get so irritated if I am with my mother and she stops somewhere to look at some clothes and I have to stay at one place for a long time, I give people a chance to see me and let them notice I am all anxious so they can laugh at me, if i see a girl or someone looking at me I will in a quarter of a second look away and start walking faster and fear the worst that she will laugh now.

There are worse situation of course like where I would be around many people like the shopping mall but also would have to socialize I cant even imagine how anxious I would feel. Like for example if I would go to university or a group of people approached me, the more people there are the worse it gets, if I had to talk also I would worry also about my voice, that I talk unclear, I wouldn’t know what to say, afraid that my mind would go blank, afraid that I sound confusing, afraid that I will say something inappropriate. I have a hard time talking because I have to look the other person in the face, its even more difficult when I have to listen because than I just look at them and my anxiety builds up and up and I fear something will happen, I guess I fear that what is wrong with you expression on the other person.

On occasion If I meet someone at night when I go for a walk outside with my dog I can do some small talk (maybe because I feel more hidden at night), depends though if the person Is someone really old, if he is young I still get an anxiety attack, but the next time I see him I will get so anxious because I don’t know how to act or talk past that first small talk, I feel I am expected to act like we know each other and be more open and I cant do that. I fear I will appear strange.

When I am alone it is always worse than when I am for example with my mother in a shopping mall or walking outside with her, alone I feel all the attention is on me and it makes me so anxious, even if I go out with my dog for a walk its much easier than If I go alone,

The more people there are the worse it gets

I don’t feel to anxious around really old people, I can say hi to them when I go out for a walk, but still I could never open up to them and befriend one. Around younger people my age especially girls I feel so anxious and uptight, tense, I feel like a stone. Just driving with my car past a girl or a group of girls makes me so anxious and uptight, horrible, If I saw a group of girls on the street I would not be able to walk past them, its so difficult. Because they are more open in a group they will talk loudly about someone or anything, girls just make me so anxious.

At times when I don’t feel to anxious like around older people I usually smile way to much, I always did that when I was younger to, around people I felt intimidated by,

My handwashing: If I touch a keyboard, a doorknob or anything before going to eat I wash my hands, than if I go to take some dishes out of a drawer I wash my hands again because I touched the drawer, and also when going to take a dump I have to put toilet paper on the toilet I never do it without that, i feel a tightness or tension in my throat, chest and stomach I believe. I used to be a clean freak too, but not anymore, I believe I exchanged worrying about materialistic things like my car being clean ( I haven’t cleaned it for a year now), my room being clean for worrying about my appearance, at the moment I still at some days I wake up and worry that my nose is too big, I will compulsively look in to the mirror from many different angles, compare my nose with noses that look like mine to try to tell if their noses are too big or not so I could decide if mine is too big or not. But I still don’t know, I am so confused about this matter, I feel I need to know, If my nose isn’t too big, I can feel good about myself, if it is I cant and I will feel so down and want to change it with plastic surgery. I have my days when I feel more normal and come to the conclusion my nose is fine and I feel a sense of relive and happy but than out of nowhere I believe when I am depressed I will kind of catch myself in a reflection and see my nose looking kind of different like I never saw it before like this, and then I will convince myself it is to big, feel so horrible, down, worthless, ugly, I will keep looking in the mirror for hours and try to convince myself from different angles that I am correct, I believe I feel this tension in my stomach, neck back of my head, shoulders chest. What triggered all this is I believe my mother once said my hair is falling out, I am gona go bald soon, and I was in a state of shock because of this, I couldn’t sleep for the whole night and kept lookin in the mirror if its true or not, from there on I started worrying about all kinds of different things and noticed other things that really bothered me too like my teeth are to small, to yellow, my forehead to big, my ears to big…, I felt strong anxiety when I worried about those things, I started eating healthy drinking only water, because of my hair falling out to try to correct the issue.

Once I also worried for a month or so that I might have a malignant birthmark, and after that, that I might have psoriasis a skin disease like my brother and felt crushed like I am dead so anxious the next day. For some reason because I had dry skin coming of from behind my ears I was convinced I have it. But it turned out I didn’t, that was maybe 2 years ago

My food desires and aversions: is that what food I like and don’t like? I like eating lasagne, spaghetti, pizza, good ice cream, chicken,pork, hot sandwich, ham, vegetables, tomatoe, onion, salad, carrots, cucumber, fruit apple, mandarins, bananas, rice, potatoe, butter, marmalade, nutella, eggs, pancakes, liver paste, cheese
I dislike well my body dislike milk, started to feel bad like sick in my stomach after drinking hot milk, so I don’t drink it anymore, and because I started eating a bit more healthy and apparently milk isn’t good, I also read you get hermodites from milk or milk is the reason you get them and I noticed its true I don’t get them anymore after I stopped drinking milk, my body also doesn’t like ice cream to much I believe, my stool is kind of soft after it same for tomato sauce if its to liquid my stomach doesn’t like it same really soft Stool

I don’t like eating sea food like you get on a sea food pizza for example I do like fish though, dislike oyster, I dislike when my mother makes pork livers for herself it smells so bad. I am sensitive to bad smells really. I don’t like mushrooms, I don’t like those spam cans my mother has in her refrigerator.

Temperature: I think I am mostly warm, but can get cold under stress, like if I listen to music and my brother comes down and hears it, I feel self conscious and anxious that he might ridicule me that he doesn’t like it so I get really cold and start shaking a bit, but outside in a shopping mall or wherever around strangers I will be really hot and blush and so on

Sleep: I don’t have a good sleeping habit, I have a really hard time going to sleep, I will tell myself today I will try to go to bed earlier but I will never do it, I go around 3 am to bed, its I feel like I need to do something, if I go to sleep the day is over and I have to go through the difficult mornings tomorrow again and make it through the day till its nigh time again where I can relax a bit, not fear someone will come and visit us, not worry if I go out at night for a walk that someone will see me because its dark and I guess going to sleep means I will be another day older tomorrow and I don’t like that, I am not looking forward into the future. I will sleep through the night without waking up and sleep till about 12 for 9 hours sometimes maybe a bit earlier if someone wakes me up.

My dreams: I can recall a dream when I wake up, later I have great difficulty remembering the details, but I will try, I had some strange dreams recently, I also got difficulty remembering what I did lets say 3 or 4 or more days ago, I don’t know why, maybe because my days are almost the same anyway, nothing to exciting is happening in my life at the moment, I would have to really think hard to try to remember.

I dream mostly about social situations, I always do it seems a bit better not be so anxious and talk to people in my dreams, but the theme is the same, I fear of saying something wrong doing something wrong, want to be liked accepted, sometimes I dream about my past when I was ok no anxiety issues where I have some fun in my dreams with my school mates and I wake up than all emotional and wanting to have a life like I had then,

Sometimes I dream about girls, I feel really needy when it comes to girls, and approval in general, I was once on a dating site for months from when I woke up till going to sleep and just talking and approval seeking, didn’t make any real connection or friends though and it never lead to anything and sometimes I got criticised on there to and got so anxious just opening new mail in fear it might be something negative, that with time I have gotten depressed of it and stopped going on there, on another socialphobiaworld website I was seeking approval also a bit to much and later got banned from there and couldn’t accept it so I rebelled against it and kept creating new accounts and only stopped when they threatened to inform my internet provider what I am doing to disconnect me from the internet. Online I am a bit different than in person, I will fear disapproval being disliked, but I want approval I guess a bit more online.

Other times I have nightmares, it always involves me and my family our safety is threatened, sometimes its some supernatural stuff with ghosts. Its never with other people or intruders, mostly natural catastrophe or falling that kind of stuff,I just recently had a nightmare about me and my family but I cant remember what it was about,I could fully remember when I woke up but I cant anymore, its not something that really scared me or made me think about it much. They never do

I somehow hate horror movies with ghosts in it, I can watch any horror movie without any problem but with ghosts I don’t want to watch them but I always do than anyway, and than I get scared at night for maybe a month till I am kind of ok again, but still I hate being in a house when its dark, walking upstairs in the dark, I always think about ghosts than, if I watched a horror movie with ghosts in it recently I wont walk in the dark in my house there needs to be light there always.

Hobbies: at the moment I don’t have any I can think of, if playing video games count, and going for a swim on a sunny day, and walking my dog outside, I used to play basketball, tennis, soccer table tennis, ride bicycle, but at the moment I don’t do much

Work: I don’t work at the moment, I enrolled into massey university to do a software engineering major distance course but decided to not do it, as I feel to pressured and overwhelmed, my English is not really good, I don’t think I could teach myself to write academically without any help from home and other subjects like maths and so on would be difficult as I have a hard time concentrating and sitting down and studying, I always feel like I must do something else, I guess get over this anxiety problem. I am thinking of if this homeopathy remedies might help me of finding a small job first, and later maybe enrol into the navy or police. Also a reason why I decided to not go to massey university, I wanna do something more exciting than sit behind a computer and program software,

I am not to interested in money or material things at the moment, It doesn’t make me happy, I would be more happy if I had confidence, self love, self respect, a clear mind and friends, have my social life sorted.