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Feeling empty and unable to talk

I could really do with some advice. I have been married for 7 years and with my husband for 5 years before that. We are both 35. We have two beautiful sons aged 5 and 17 months. My husband is the youngest of 3 boys and had a very solid and loving upbringing. Sadly he lost his dad at 15 to a brain tumour and gets upset when he speaks of him.
In February this year he told me he was unhappy and felt hollow and empty. He said he'd never felt like this before. He said we didn't connect anymore. This came as a bolt out of the blue and rocked me to the core. It has emerged that he started to feel different towards me for 6 months before he told me. Since February he has become increasingly withdrawn and unwilling to talk, choosing to 'bury his head in the sand'. Things came to a head a month ago and we decided to have some breathing space and he moved back to his mum's house (a place he has a strong connection to because of his upbringing). Since then he says he's relieved not to be living with me but still feels empty. He spends all his time with me and the children and can't do enough for us. However once the children have gone to bed he can't leave fast enough because he knows I'll want to talk. The problem is he will not talk things through with anyone and people talk at him rather than with him. His behaviour is totally uncharacteristic. He has changed since the birth of our second child but not overnight and for no obvious reason. We have no health or financial worries and everyone around us can't understand what is happening. We have seen a relate counsellor once and all seemed positive but when he was put under pressure to put words into action (ie talk things through) he decided that he had 'gone too far' and couldn't come back. He has never given me a proper reason for his change of heart and thinks he is trying by just being in the same room as me. He behaves likes nothing has changed and can't seem to face up to his decisions. I truly don't believe he wants what is happening but doesn't know where to start to fix it.
You may think that a mariage counsellor is the answer but we have never had a troubled marriage and never really argued. I avoid confrontation and I am very much a people pleaser. Maybe I have made life too easy for him. He has confirmed there is no one else involved and I am adament he is telling the truth.
This is the first real problem in 12 years. I was wondering whether homeopathy would help him to talk and not bottle everything up. He often looks at me as if he's screaming out for help but has been struck dumb. Has the birth of our second child and the suppressed loss of his dad tripped a switch in his head? He has seen a doctor (at my request but under durress)and passed the 'depression questionnaire' with flying colours. He is an intelligent man and it wasn't hard to work out what the 'correct' answers should be.
Maybe I am clutching at straws because my life is crumbling but he has changed to become a person totally unable to communicate.
 
  moppet on 2008-08-13
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